Don’t ignore conflicts!

Don't ignore conflicts. Deal with them before they get out of control!

Designing instead of emergency rescue
Don't ignore conflicts. Deal with them before they get out of control!

Conflicts don’t arise without a cause,
and don’t disappear until the cause is addressed.

 

 

 

Don’t ignore conflicts. Deal with them before they get out of control!

 

When problem-solving everyday issues become a tug-of-war over who is right and who is wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. Don’t ignore conflicts. Deal with them before they get out of control!

William James meant; “Whenever you’re in conflict with someone, there is one factor that can make the difference between damaging your relationship and deepening it. That factor is an attitude.” So far so good, but which one, please?

 

 

 

Fight or flight?

 

Conflict is a natural aspect of relationships. As human beings, we are primed to respond to stress with a “fight” or “flight” response. Often, neither of these choices is appropriate in today’s world. Therefore, we need to find a way to address conflict that is direct and assertive, while also respectful and diplomatic. Some people fear conflict and go to great lengths to avoid it, which can backfire and lead to emotional, relational, and medical problems. If handled effectively, conflict can be an opportunity for learning, growth, and positive change.

 

 

 

You can’t really win a conflict

 

You can’t really win a conflict. Winning a conflict is getting the outcome you want, regardless of what the other person wants, which can be gratifying, sure. But the problem is that the underlying issue has not been solved. It will simply reappear later over some other topic. Much better than winning a conflict in private and business life is resolving it.

 

 

 

How about you?

 

Think of your own life. Who are you in conflict with? Imagine working things out, to resolve those conflicts. Think of the impact on all your relationships. Peace starts with each of us, and sometimes we need to take the first step. As Gandhi once said, “We must be the change we wish to see in others.”

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

P.S.

 

How do you deal with conflicts?

Articles

Don’t ignore conflicts!

When problem-solving everyday issues become a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. Don’t ignore conflicts. Deal with them!

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

read more
Those who want, misunderstand us

Those who want, misunderstand us

Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
18 tips to increase your assertiveness

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.

read more
How you doin’? Talking about diseases

How you doin’? Talking about diseases

The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious illness?

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 21, 2001
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: August 14, 2019
Translation: ./.
German version: 
K: 
H: 
T: RR
#1890

Five fingers for a structured speech. Five-finger speech structure.

Five fingers for a structured speech. 5-finger speech structure.

How to structure your speech
Hand

5-finger speech structure

 

A good reason for speaking; a specific message has to be communicated. In practice, however, it happens far too often that in the end, it is not clear to the listener what it was about. Whether in speeches, presentations, or conversations, listeners very often ask themselves what it was all about.

It is usually because speakers have not thoughtfully structured their speech and have not prioritized the content. How about a hint to make it more effective?

It is better to structure your speech in such a way that the listeners clearly understand what you intended to convey to them at the end. This requires appropriate preparation. However, there is not always a lot of time available for this. Then, for example, the 5-finger speech structure can be very helpful. Here you can learn how.

How to structure speeches with the five-finger speech format

 

If the audience does not understand the intended message at the end of a speech, it is usually because speakers have not thoughtfully structured their speech and have not prioritized the content.

It is much better to structure speeches in such a way that the audience clearly understands what you wanted to convey to them at the end. This requires appropriate preparation. However, there is not always much time available for this. In meetings, for example, spontaneity is required. It is good to know that the 5-finger speech structure can also be very helpful for impromptu speeches. Here you can learn how.

 

 

 

The five-finger speech structure step by step

 

It’s a very simple procedure. Each finger of a hand represents a step. So you always have the order of your argumentation in your hand:

 

 

1. The thumb

 

The thumb is expressing the “status quo”. Give an overview of the actual situation. Describe the general conditions and possible consequences.

What is positive about it and what opportunities are associated with it. Where are changes urgently needed and what risks are identifiable.

What happens if no changes are made. Make sure that the meaning of the following statements is understood. If the audience is not concerned, the necessary willingness to become active is lacking.

 

 

 

2. The index finger

 

The index finger points to the target. When expressing the goal, orientate yourself on the SMART model and do not confuse it with the benefit.

As a reminder of the characteristics of SMART goals, you can read the article “Rather SMART goals than unfulfilled wishes. SMART goals make life easier.

 

 

 

3. The middle finger

 

The middle finger describes the way, the implementation, and how the goal is achieved. Which measures are necessary to achieve the desired result.

Helpful questions for you:

  • Who can make what contribution to the achievement of the goal?
  • When should the goal be reached?
  • Where will what be necessary?
  • How should the goal be achieved?
  • What resources are required, and where do they come from?

 

 

 

4. The ring finger

 

The ring finger stands for the benefits. Describe the specific benefits that the goal you are aiming for and the solution you are presenting have for the audience. Describe how the situation will change positively in the short, medium, and long term.

 

 

 

5. The little finger

 

The little finger is dedicated to the call to action.

At the end of your speech, describe the first step, which is easy to perform, and the corresponding concrete call to action. It should be neither too small nor too large. If it is too big, the project will not be set in motion. The speech ends with an appeal.

 

 

 

Conclusion

 

The five-finger speech structure is a practical and effective method of giving speech a form. It is easy to learn and memorize.

Preparation of important speeches and presentations

 

Those who do not speak are not heard, and even those who speak up are not always successful. There are a few more steps that need to be mastered.

Do you want to convince with your message and also as a personality? Then I will help you to prepare your speeches and presentations. You determine the scope. At least, I recommend a test run with professional feedback for you and your message. Then you will know how you and your content are perceived, what you should do and what you should leave out, where there is potential. Why do you want to get such helpful feedback so late after your real performance? Then it is too late for adjustments. Benefit from the advantage. My definition of luck: Preparation meets opportunity.

You can best estimate for yourself where the effort is worthwhile concerning the expected benefit. Here you will find the fees for my support (communication, psychology, language, structure, voice, body language, storytelling, rhetorical means, media such as PowerPoint and Co., etc.)

You are not in Berlin right now? Then choose meetings with me via telephone or video support. Whereby, there are quite good reasons for a trip to Berlin.

By the way, many people suffer from such intense stage fright in front of an audience and therefore their performance lags behind their possibilities. Too bad, because with my help performance in a good condition is possible. Just in case...

A good start: Professional feedback with recommendations for improvements

 

How convincing are you and your messages in speeches and presentations? How good are you in the 111+ most important presentation skills? I have been analyzing speeches since 1998. After evaluating 14,375 speeches and presentations, I can tell you very precisely what has which effect on which audience. Let me give you the feedback that will help you get ahead. You will receive essential feedback and recommendations, as well as the impulses you need to convince your audience in concrete situations.

Are you interested? Then you will find here the information on feedback with recommendations for improvements of speeches and presentations.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

4 + 11 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Did you know the five-fingered speech structure? How do you structure your speeches and presentations, how do you structure your talks?​

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Five fingers for a structured speech. Five-finger speech structure.

The five-finger speech structure step by step. Systematically build up statements, whether for speeches, presentations, or discussions.

Just read out speech manuscripts …

Just read out speech manuscripts …

There are good speechwriters. But what value has the best speech text if the performance is uncharitable? Unfortunately, in the end, the cupcakes are the highlight! An important speech deserves preparation, rehearsals, …

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Create an excellent speech or presentation as a masterpiece

Create an excellent speech or presentation as a masterpiece

Create an excellent speech or presentation. It will bring you forward as a presenter. Every speaker should make a brilliant speech at least once in his life. The effect goes far beyond the event because the experience becomes a mental reference. Such an experience will change you as a speaker. Create your rhetorical masterpiece. Here is how to do it.

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Structure for speeches and presentations: Take your audience from hell to heaven.

Structure for speeches and presentations: Take your audience from hell to heaven.

Do you offer a way to better conditions? It’s about promoting change? Whether products, processes, etc. Do you want to hold a public office?

I call this easy to use and very effective speech structure the “Hell-Heaven-Way”. If the conditions are untenable and there are solutions available, you can also use it outside the church to convince your audience.

read more
20 tips for humor in speeches and presentations

20 tips for humor in speeches and presentations

Do you want the attention of your audience? Humorously move your audience before the seat hurts. Humor relaxes. It resolves tense, stressful situations. Humor has some positive effects. Appropriate humor can be used effectively in many situations. Find out what is worth paying attention to.

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Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: March 6, 2015
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 21st, 2022
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/redestruktur-hand-finger/
K:
H:
T: RR
#3487

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

You should know Godwin's Law in order not to fall into the trap

Identifying manipulations: Godwin's Law and similar tricks. Unfair comparisons with Nazi and ....
This will improve your assertiveness

Godwin’s Law

 

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

Godwin’s Law

 

As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

Mike Godwin

 

 

Godwin considers this desperate recourse the obvious very last attempt to win the discussion at least in sympathy by the audience. In substance, the discussion has thus already been lost.

Godwin’s Law is named after the author and lawyer Mike Godwin. He argues that the longer a discussion goes on, the more likely it is that someone will try to make a reference to the Nazi era or a comparison with Adolf Hitler. With this, he wanted to promote more objective discussions on Usenet. Usenet? The search engine you trust will help. As with Murphy’s Law, Godwin’s Law is also laced with a hint of irony. But practice often confirms the thesis in many situations.

Godwin considers this desperate recourse the obvious very last attempt to win the discussion at least in sympathy by the audience. In substance, the discussion has thus already been lost.

 

 

 

Application

 

While Godwin’s Law was originally developed for discussions in Usenet newsgroups, the humorous rule still applies to all threaded online discussions, such as those in message boards, chat rooms, comment threads, and wikis. Since the early days of online discussions, Godwin’s Law has been used as an indicator of whether a thread is going on too long, who is playing fair and who is just throwing mud, and who is ultimately “winning” the discussion.

 

 

 

Reasonableness

 

Mike Godwin has indicated that he does not reject comparisons to Hitler in principle, especially if they can help prevent the next Holocaust. However, he said, it is important to him that such comparisons be historically tenable. On closer examination, that is probably not the case most of the time. Comparisons are often drawn by the hair. Corresponding audiences then generate unpleasant pressure, which is just fine with the manipulators. The instrumentalized audience only pays attention to its topic and overlooks connections and consequences. A fair consideration and discussion, which actually serves the formation of opinion, has so no chance. In addition, the inflationary comparisons desensitize people, and their vigilance for actual dangers decreases.

Whether the hostility is in one’s own interest or not, insults do damage.

 

 

 

Variants

 

There are always attempts to replace viable arguments with untenable comparisons and hypocritical outrage. These attempts at manipulation are frequently not recognizable as such to uninitiated observers. Those who look closely can see how blatantly this is sometimes done. No one can seriously see it that way, can they? As if!

The risk of negative momentum is considerable nowadays due to the Internet – one way or another. Whether justified or not, when interest groups are riled up in this way, the angry mob builds up half-knowledge and a readiness to lynch, which can become tricky. Not every storm of controversy is based on facts, or at least the overall view.

Echo chambers and filter bubbles have consequences. It’s one thing with swarm intelligence, the angry mob first tar and feathers and then possibly does the fact check later.

 

 

 

What to do?

 

When it comes to speeches, presentations, important conversations and written contributions, it is important to consider the risks. Those who care about personal impact and message will be as meticulous as possible about ambiguities and potential points of irritation. Bruises can be avoided by analyzing and avoiding words and phrases that could lead to misuse.

Risks can be reduced, but unfortunately there is no such thing as absolute security. Too often, someone can be found who will sell their soul to assert their interests.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

8 + 1 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What thoughts do you have about the topic? How willing are you to prepare and commit to your message?

Articles

Don’t ignore conflicts!

When problem-solving everyday issues become a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. Don’t ignore conflicts. Deal with them!

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

read more
Those who want, misunderstand us

Those who want, misunderstand us

Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
18 tips to increase your assertiveness

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.

read more
How you doin’? Talking about diseases

How you doin’? Talking about diseases

The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious illness?

read more
Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: April 30, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: April 30, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/schluesselkompetenz-durchsetzungskraft/
K:
H:
T: RR
#221

Those who want, misunderstand us

Those who want, misunderstand us

Selbst, wenn wir einer Botschaft die entsprechend verdiente Chance verschaffen ...
This will improve your assertiveness

Limits of communication

 

Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?

Those who want, to misunderstand us

 

It is not always easy to see if things are worth what they seem. So it is also with statements of people. There are people who can express themselves in a wonderfully chosen way while talking nonsense. Some have practiced smiling at their interlocutors, respectively at the audience, while they want to deceive them. And then there are honest people who have put a lot of thought into their speech, but are not skilled at expressing themselves in a way that their audience will immediately understand.

All that glitters is not gold! And it can be true the other way around and in all directions. Also, the intent or value of a message is not always immediately apparent. This makes it all the more important, as a listener, to pay closer attention to the messages, the messengers, and the contexts.

Even that is often not as easy as it would be desirable. First, some messengers don’t make it easy for us to understand the value of what they are offering. Second, our own beliefs and filters frequently make it even harder. Engaging openly with ideas requires the willingness and ability to do so. If on top of that, the personality or topic being represented is unappealing to me, only selective information reaches me and gets minimal or even no chance. Depending on the degree of self-reflection, personal development, and motivation, I will be more or less committed to exploring the idea or not.

If you have a message yourself, you would do well to express it in a way that is as understandable as possible, and suitable for the topic and the target audience. If the message deserves it, then the corresponding effort is worthwhile. And there is a lot that can be done to ensure that the message has the best possible chance of being understood and accepted. Just translating the message into the language of the audience, motivating them, and reducing possible misunderstandings can be quite a worthwhile effort.

However, even with the most extensive preparation, a message has no chance if the audience is not interested in understanding it, or at least not willing to admit it. For many reasons, they may be much more interested in twisting your words in some way. In this case, the best techniques and immense preparation will help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup, or conjured into it. The game is not always played fairly.

How likely this is, can often be seen in advance, if the willingness is there to look more closely.

The exchange with such people is quite one-sided because it is not about the best solution. In such a film, the only thing that can be done is to concentrate on not giving the opponents any unnecessary trump cards. Even if their tactics are very obvious and superficial, not everyone in the audience has to recognize that immediately. That would then damage your own message. Either such exchanges can be omitted altogether, or they have a different goal. In that case, communication no longer takes place for the purpose of convincing the interlocutors and finding a solution, but with a view to the effect on the audience.

If you want to present yourself and your message convincingly, it’s best to approach this systematically and explore perspectives early on. You can find out how to do this in the articles with links below.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

4 + 6 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What thoughts do you have about the topic? How willing are you to prepare and commit to your message?

Articles

Don’t ignore conflicts!

When problem-solving everyday issues become a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. Don’t ignore conflicts. Deal with them!

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

read more
Those who want, misunderstand us

Those who want, misunderstand us

Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
18 tips to increase your assertiveness

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.

read more
How you doin’? Talking about diseases

How you doin’? Talking about diseases

The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious illness?

read more
Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: April 30, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: April 30, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/schluesselkompetenz-durchsetzungskraft/
K:
H:
T: RR
#221

Being right at all costs. The price we pay for needing to be right.

Being right at all costs. The price we pay for needing to be right.

Thoughts on the consequences of exaggerated dialectics
Hand

Being right at all costs

 

Persuading without arguments, assertiveness, winning without consideration, knockout by nasty tricks, black magic, manipulating. It is a coveted feeling to be right.​

 

Always being right

 

It is a popular feeling to be right. However, it is less a question of who is right than of who has the upper hand. For many people, it seems to be a satisfying experience to be the know-it-all, but what are the costs we aren’t counting?

To prevail at any cost seems to be a very old human desire. Even very dusty esoteric texts provide recipes on how it is possible to prevail at any cost. The approach ranges from magic elixirs with bat wings and rat tails to voodoo dolls from the mail-order business.

Persuading without arguments, assertiveness without any basis, winning without consideration, knockouts by nasty tricks, black magic, manipulating. To the bitter end, talking without having a clue…. Book stores and videos on YouTube also serve the longing for unfair assertiveness.

 

 

 

 

What’s the concern?

 

Now I could keep it with Arthur Schopenhauer. He said that if everyone unreservedly gave his position every support, then that would be the best way. After all, one often doesn’t know oneself whether one is actually right or not, and would find out that way. Up to a certain point, I even agree with him here. However, the desire to be right at all costs is usually not about finding out the best position in the end. Rather, it is about winning at any cost. So it is questionable in regard to attitude. What effect does it have on the world and on relationships when people behave in this way?

People who are really convinced of their position don’t need unfair tricks. Although, it is good to recognize them as such and to be able to neutralize them. But who believes that the result justifies the method, harms himself and the message.

 

 

 

But …

 

Someone could refer to examples from politics, where it has helped a questionable person in a considerably high position to move forward ruthlessly and without real arguments. And yes, it can be very sad.

That there are characters who try to do that is one thing. That a substantial audience goes along with it is another. The consequences, for the world, can be seen by anyone who watches the news.

 

 

 

We can decide for ourselves

 

Everyone can decide for themselves whether this is a desirable course of action. In any case, I will work to ensure that as many people as possible recognize such unfair methods and to know how to deal with them. Those who are in a position to do so will allow themselves to be disadvantaged and fight against dazzlers.

Let us rely on fair means to give arguments the chance they deserve. Those who wish to do so will find the right tips and support from me.

 

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

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What thoughts come to your mind on the subject? Being right at all costs, is that worth it?​

Articles

Don’t ignore conflicts!

When problem-solving everyday issues become a tug-of-war over who’s right and who’s wrong, then settling even the smallest of discussions becomes a battle. Don’t ignore conflicts. Deal with them!

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

read more
Those who want, misunderstand us

Those who want, misunderstand us

Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
18 tips to increase your assertiveness

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.

read more
How you doin’? Talking about diseases

How you doin’? Talking about diseases

The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious illness?

read more
Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: March 6, 2015
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 21st, 2022
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/redestruktur-hand-finger/
K:
H:
T: RR
#3487

Present the benefits in the beginning of your pitch

Present The Benefits In The Beginning Of Your Pitch

Presentation skills
 
The opening of your pitch

The opening of your pitch

 

There are many strategies to consider in opening your pitch. Think about it twice, because those first minutes can make or break you.

Overview

Simplicity is the ultimate sophistication.

Leonardo da Vinci

Pitching business ideas

 

Pitching business ideas is becoming more of an art. Given how easy it is to get distracted as a human being, you must learn the best ways to captivate your audience from the start. To do this, some strategies have been proven to work.

Too many presenters start with the typical introduction and dive right into the sections of the business. Then they state the problem, then the solution, the team, and so on. This is a surefire way to kill the entire room from boredom. Instead, grab the attention of your audience from the beginning and don’t lose it until the end.

 

 

 

Captivate the audience

 

There are some strategies and structures that have been proven to work. No single one is best, so it is important to them wisely. Most of them have one thing in common; they raise the level of curiosity right from the beginning to the max!

Benefits go into the opening of your pitch because the most important thing your audience will think is; “What’s in it for me?”. The only thing your audience cares about is; “Will this work for me?”.

When pitching someone, it is easy to just start blurting out your idea and delving straight into the details. But just because you are partial to a particular design or style does not mean others will share your sensibilities.

 

 

 

Think twice

 

There are many strategies to consider in opening your pitch. Think about it twice, because those first minutes can make or break you.

Regardless of the strategy, the direction of what you want to say should be heavily influenced by the takeaway.

The takeaway is that one thing you want the prospect to remember after listening to your pitch. It needs to be significant to the client. And hopefully, it will differentiate you from competitors.

Develop the takeaway by asking yourself what is the one thing that could be most memorable about what you want to say. Then ask yourself why you want that point to be remembered. Keep asking that question of every answer until you are expressing what the benefit of the takeaway is for the client. Then build your opening around that.

There are lots of reasons you might not win a pitch, because of the price, personal chemistry, and your background. But, you should never lose a pitch because you presented poorly.

Preparation of important speeches and presentations

 

Those who do not speak are not heard, and even those who speak up are not always successful. There are a few more steps that need to be mastered.

Do you want to convince with your message and also as a personality? Then I will help you to prepare your speeches and presentations. You determine the scope. At least, I recommend a test run with professional feedback for you and your message. Then you will know how you and your content are perceived, what you should do and what you should leave out, where there is potential. Why do you want to get such helpful feedback so late after your real performance? Then it is too late for adjustments. Benefit from the advantage. My definition of luck: Preparation meets opportunity.

You can best estimate for yourself where the effort is worthwhile concerning the expected benefit. Here you will find the fees for my support (communication, psychology, language, structure, voice, body language, storytelling, rhetorical means, media such as PowerPoint and Co., etc.)

You are not in Berlin right now? Then choose meetings with me via telephone or video support. Whereby, there are quite good reasons for a trip to Berlin.

By the way, many people suffer from such intense stage fright in front of an audience and therefore their performance lags behind their possibilities. Too bad, because with my help performance in a good condition is possible. Just in case...

A good start: Professional feedback with recommendations for improvements

 

How convincing are you and your messages in speeches and presentations? How good are you in the 111+ most important presentation skills? I have been analyzing speeches since 1998. After evaluating 14,375 speeches and presentations, I can tell you very precisely what has which effect on which audience. Let me give you the feedback that will help you get ahead. You will receive essential feedback and recommendations, as well as the impulses you need to convince your audience in concrete situations.

Are you interested? Then you will find here the information on feedback with recommendations for improvements of speeches and presentations.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

15 + 2 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What do you think is the best way to start with a pitch?

Articles

What may cost the preparation of a presentation, which effort is justified?

Often, a lot can be achieved with a convincing presentation and investments are worthwhile. But how much should the investment actually be?

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 21, 2001
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 21st, 2022
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
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T: RR
#187

17 tips for facial expressions in speeches and presentations

17 tips for facial expressions in speeches and presentations

What public speakers should know about facial expressions
Facial expression

The importance of facial expressions in public speaking

 

When the topic of body language appears in presentation skills training, the question comes up “Where to put my hands while speaking?”

Mimic is discussed rarely, if at all, with the hint of having a smile on your face. This is a pity because facial expressions can support the message. When facial expressions aren’t right, they can cause damage. What does not fit the personality and role of the speaker is unintentionally funny, damages credibility, and distracts.

This article deals with what it is worth paying attention to as a speaker concerning facial expressions.

Body language, facial expressions, and public speaking

 

In addition to the content of the speech, as a verbal part, the way of presentation and the non-verbal behavior are of particular importance. These include gestures, eye contact, eye direction, body tension, leg posture, volume, intonation, and, often forgotten, pauses. Pauses before a message produce tension and after a message, they let the message work. In modern rhetoric, facial expressions have become less important than in the past. A facial expression that is too pronounced quickly has a theatrical and posed effect on the audience.

 

 

 

So facial expressions are no longer important?

 

Mimic is still important because public speakers who want to convince have to be authentic. And that includes lively facial expressions. Instead of orienting the facial expressions to Asian theater masks or the pantomime from the pedestrian zone, Method-Acting delivers better results. If you mean what you say, this also includes the corresponding emotional states. If you experience inwardly with all your senses what you verbalize, then your face provides the appropriate facial expression anyway. At least as long as you haven’t stopped it with nerve poison against wrinkles.

Leave that deadpan expression to poker players and some politicians. A good presenter realizes that appropriate facial expressions are a significant part of effective communication. Facial expressions are often the key determinant of the meaning behind the message. The audience is watching a speaker’s face during a presentation. When you speak, your face tells more clearly than any other part of your body about your attitudes, feelings, and emotions.

17 tips for facial expressions in your speeches and presentations

 

Your impact as a speaker depends heavily on your body language. You probably have control over the words you speak, are you sure you have control over what you say with your body language?

 

 

 

1. Authentic, authentic, authentic

 

Effective body language supports the message and conveys a strong image of the speaker. Anything that does not fit the personality and role of a public speaker and the message will unintentionally appear funny, damage credibility, and distract from content and message. Those who mean what they say can automatically display the appropriate facial expressions. This is a frequent topic in my presentation training. Few speakers know how they affect the audience. Professional analysis is very revealing here.

 

 

 

2. Smiling is contagious

 

Unfortunately, many people lose their lively facial expressions under the pressure of speaking in front of an audience. Their faces solidify into a mask. Free your face right at the beginning. For example, when you are welcoming the audience, smile!

With a smile or even a laugh, it is easier to build a bridge with other people. This looks open and friendly. A real smile comes from within and is based on the right mental attitude and not on a mask. Such a permanent grin looks different from a real smile, which is called a Duchenne smile. The Duchenne smile is named after Guillaume Duchenne, a French anatomist who studied many expressions of emotion, focusing on the smile of pure enjoyment. He identified the facial movements that make this genuine smile different from artificial types of smiles. A Duchenne smile is a natural smile of enjoyment, made by contracting the zygomatic major muscle and the orbicularis oculi muscle. In my words; the mouth, the eyes, and the wrinkles around the eyes are involved, and smile, the cheeks lifting.

 

 

 

3. Emotions

 

It is the presenter’s connection to the words that can bring them to life for the audience. Experience inwardly intensively what you want to convey, and the facial expressions will reflect it. Less is more! Please do not grimace.

 

 

 

4. Lead with your gaze

 

The audience will register where you’re looking. In this way, you can direct the attention of the audience with your gaze. Look where the audience should look.

And be careful with misunderstandings. If you keep looking at the door, it will look as if you would like to escape.

 

 

 

5. Eye contact is connecting

 

If they don’t fit, they can undermine any of your words.

Good speakers know how important facial expressions are. Effective presenters engage one person at a time, focusing long enough to complete a natural phrase and watch it sink in for a moment. With a smile, they convey appreciation to the audience.

Keep looking at all faces, be attentive. Return a smile. Use clues such as a frown as an occasion to repeat or inquire about a statement in other words.

 

 

 

6. Pulling up the corners of your mouth on one side

 

Some facial expressions can irritate. One-sided lifting of the corners of the mouth can be interpreted as a sign of superiority, and the speaker is then accused of arrogance or cynicism.

 

 

 

7. Enduring smile

 

A permanent smile seems artificial, complacent, or even debilitating. Speakers don’t do themselves any favors.

Such behavior is reminiscent of bad show presenters or used car salesmen from US films. If you smile without a break, you make your counterpart suspicious. Beware of bad facial expressions, i.e. a superimposed smile.

If there are moments during your speech when you want to make the audience think, then that doesn’t fit. When you put on an artificial smile, nobody takes you seriously.

 

 

 

8. A tense jaw

 

Someone who presses their teeth vigorously against each other may look angry and aggressive, or at least cramped.

 

 

 

9. Smiling and showing teeth

 

What is more common in the USA is irritating in Germany, for example, than piranha smiles. Superficiality and an unfair sales mentality are easily assumed.

 

 

 

10. Grasping the nose or the mouth

 

Do not touch your nose, mouth, or chin during your speech. This is a classic sign of insecurity and is quickly perceived as negative by your audience.

Since Pinocchio this has been considered a sign of lies, and why should you voluntarily sow doubt?

 

 

 

11. Other delicate facial expressions

 

In my articles, body language soothes or harms in delicate situations and 12 tips on how to promote confidence through body language, you will find advice on how body language can help and how it can hurt.

 

 

 

12. Adapt your facial expressions to the size of the group.

 

As your audience grows, your facial expressions should become more pronounced. If the audience in the last row is not able to read your face, your facial expression will be perceived as a neutral expression and thus as your lack of interest.

 

 

 

13. Explore the effect of facial expressions

 

The facial expression usually has a small part in the presentation, which is why its role tends to be underestimated. It plays an important role in convincing the speaker and the message. It is worth exploring the impact.

 

Using all the various muscles that precisely control the mouth, lips, eyes, nose, forehead, and jaw, the human face is estimated to be capable of more than 10,000 different expressions. Explore different ways to use facial expressions. Start with the most common facial expressions and emotions.

There are seven universally recognized emotions shown through facial expressions:

  • anger
  • disgust
  • contempt
  • fear
  • happiness
  • sadness
  • surprise

 

Regardless of culture, these expressions are the same all over the world. They may differ in intensity.

 

 

 

14. Observe your audience

 

Just as your facial expressions provide insight into your emotions, your audience’s facial expressions provide insight into their emotional world.

Read the facial expressions of your audience. If the audience’s expressions are expressionless, for example, there is a possibility that they are intellectually elsewhere because they are bored. Or their facial expressions convey joy and excitement, or they are eagerly receptive or…

By reading your audience’s facial expressions, you are better able to make spontaneous decisions and adjustments to capture attention.

 

 

 

15. Using a lectern or manuscript

 

Wherever your speech manuscript is located, whether as a pile of paper on the lectern or as key point cards in your hand, always avoid looking at the notes all the time. Learn from me how to keep in touch with the audience.

 

 

 

16. Practice, practice, practice

 

As with any presentation skill, facial expression requires practice to develop it to be both authentic and effective. Presenters who care deeply about their message tend to use their entire bodies to support the message.

Practice your presentation and the things you have experienced with me in front of a mirror to concentrate exclusively on your facial expressions during a rehearsal. While practicing in front of the mirror, see if your facial expressions convey the mood you want to create. If your face isn’t showing any emotion, stop, refocus, and do it again. This will help you to explore your expression playfully. The best way to do this is with professional support.

 

 

 

17. Support

 

As a professional speech coach, I will not practice masks with you but will point out potential misunderstandings and promote corresponding situations from within.

Preparation of important speeches and presentations

 

Those who do not speak are not heard, and even those who speak up are not always successful. There are a few more steps that need to be mastered.

Do you want to convince with your message and also as a personality? Then I will help you to prepare your speeches and presentations. You determine the scope. At least, I recommend a test run with professional feedback for you and your message. Then you will know how you and your content are perceived, what you should do and what you should leave out, where there is potential. Why do you want to get such helpful feedback so late after your real performance? Then it is too late for adjustments. Benefit from the advantage. My definition of luck: Preparation meets opportunity.

You can best estimate for yourself where the effort is worthwhile concerning the expected benefit. Here you will find the fees for my support (communication, psychology, language, structure, voice, body language, storytelling, rhetorical means, media such as PowerPoint and Co., etc.)

You are not in Berlin right now? Then choose meetings with me via telephone or video support. Whereby, there are quite good reasons for a trip to Berlin.

By the way, many people suffer from such intense stage fright in front of an audience and therefore their performance lags behind their possibilities. Too bad, because with my help performance in a good condition is possible. Just in case...

A good start: Professional feedback with recommendations for improvements

 

How convincing are you and your messages in speeches and presentations? How good are you in the 111+ most important presentation skills? I have been analyzing speeches since 1998. After evaluating 14,375 speeches and presentations, I can tell you very precisely what has which effect on which audience. Let me give you the feedback that will help you get ahead. You will receive essential feedback and recommendations, as well as the impulses you need to convince your audience in concrete situations.

Are you interested? Then you will find here the information on feedback with recommendations for improvements of speeches and presentations.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

3 + 6 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What do you pay attention to in facial expressions during conversations, speeches, and presentations?

Presenters who care deeply about their message tend to use their entire bodies to support the message. - Karsten Noack

Articles

Five fingers for a structured speech. Five-finger speech structure.

The five-finger speech structure step by step. Systematically build up statements, whether for speeches, presentations, or discussions.

Just read out speech manuscripts …

Just read out speech manuscripts …

There are good speechwriters. But what value has the best speech text if the performance is uncharitable? Unfortunately, in the end, the cupcakes are the highlight! An important speech deserves preparation, rehearsals, …

read more
Create an excellent speech or presentation as a masterpiece

Create an excellent speech or presentation as a masterpiece

Create an excellent speech or presentation. It will bring you forward as a presenter. Every speaker should make a brilliant speech at least once in his life. The effect goes far beyond the event because the experience becomes a mental reference. Such an experience will change you as a speaker. Create your rhetorical masterpiece. Here is how to do it.

read more
Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

What can be read from the eyes? More than wishes! The eyes have a big part in human facial expressions. There is a reason why the eyes are called the mirror of the soul. They reveal a lot about our feelings and thoughts, no matter if we want it or not. Eyes can smile, radiate joy, permeate, agree, question, doubt or reject. Learn to read body language.

read more
20 tips for humor in speeches and presentations

20 tips for humor in speeches and presentations

Do you want the attention of your audience? Humorously move your audience before the seat hurts. Humor relaxes. It resolves tense, stressful situations. Humor has some positive effects. Appropriate humor can be used effectively in many situations. Find out what is worth paying attention to.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 27, 2019
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: October 6, 2021
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/rhetorik-mimik-koerpersprache/
K:
H:
T: RR
#124710

Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

Dealing with difficult personalities
Difficult personalities

Narcissists and feedback

 

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism. They react offended and insulted because this could damage their self-image. At least inwardly they react angrily. However, anger can also easily lead to significant aggression.

Feedback and narcissists

When you express criticism to narcissists, they experience it like a massive physical attack. For narcissists, it feels like the destruction of their person. Depending on the relationship and context, the reaction is usually very exaggerated. This happens sooner or later. Sometimes the response can happen even much later when you no longer expect it. It can be overt or covert. However, one result is quite certain: narcissists do not forget even accidental attacks. They want revenge at any price.

 

 

 

Is it worth it?

 

Even from your point of view, harmless and constructive feedback will be resented by narcissists. They perceive something like this as an insult and take it personally. So, be careful and exercise extreme tact and sensitivity, just as a bomb disposal expert would.
Before you address issues, think about whether you want to do this despite the risks. Insight is usually not to be expected from narcissists. Depending on the situation, you should at best expect hypocritical insight, excuses, blame, or emotional reactions such as outbursts of rage.

 

 

 

Emotional reactions

 

Stay calm during outbursts of rage by narcissists. It is part of the preferred behavioral repertoire of narcissistic personalities. Such people know how to manipulate others. Learn to recognize their manipulation techniques.

 

 

 

Caution

 

If, despite the risks, you dare to criticize a narcissist, then wrap it up well. Feed narcissists with a lot of acceptable praise. The subsequent criticism should be given in small doses. Do you find this exhausting? So do I!

In any case, there is one thing you can forget about: changing narcissistic personalities. You won’t bring them to insights or establish a relationship at eye level. These are pointless attempts.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

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What experience have you had with narcissists?

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36 indications to identify narcissists

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In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 21st, 2022
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/zu-ist-zuviel-umgang-mit-narzissten/
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H:
T: RR
#339

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

This will improve your assertiveness
This will improve your assertiveness

Assertiveness

 

Learn how to gain and apply assertiveness. In this article, you will get 18 recommendations for more assertiveness in private and professional life.

What is assertiveness?

 

Assertiveness is a type of behavior that is used to express one’s needs in a healthy, prosocial manner. Being assertive can be beneficial in a variety of social settings, although there can also be consequences of being excessively assertive.

Being assertive won’t come easy to everyone. Some people are naturally more assertive than others. If you aren’t, you can learn to be assertive fairly easily.

 

 

 

Assertiveness and persuasiveness

 

Assertiveness depends on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. Besides the quality and attractiveness of the offer, its compelling presentation is also important. How we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we can gain trust and support or whether we will be met with resistance. This applies not only in the professional context but also in the private sphere.

 

 

 

Strengthen your assertiveness with these 18 tips

 

There are many ways to strengthen your assertiveness: charisma, technical and social skills, rhetorical and communicative abilities as well as negotiating skills all have a positive effect. Experiences also play a major role, although they take some time to mature as a personality. Other factors can be learned, especially non-verbal communication. And here are 18 tips:

 

 

 

1. Know yourself

 

If you know yourself, your strengths, weaknesses, values and priorities, goals, or even vision, your role, it is much easier.
It is a lifelong task to deal with fundamental questions and to practice self-reflection. It is worth it!

Healthy self-assurance is based on self-confidence and self-awareness, i.e. the knowledge of personal characteristics, strengths and potentials, experiences, and expectations of self-efficacy. This is reflected in consistent perception, thinking, and acting.

 

 

 

2. Clear goals

 

Clarify your goals and priorities for yourself, and then deliver clear messages. If you do not fully understand your goals, it will be difficult to communicate them. But this is exactly what is required.

It is important to have manageable goals over a foreseeable period that are pursued consistently. Afterward, check how the goal has been achieved and what can be learned.

Achieving small goals boosts self-confidence and encourages you to face new challenges, thus improving your assertiveness over time.

 

 

 

3. Remain loyal to your values

 

Assertive people need not be ruthless egoists.

Even if you have the power to assert something in the event of resistance or to disregard recognized values, you would rather remain true to yourself. Otherwise, it will be a superficial victory. The end does not justify the means!

 

 

 

4. Dealing with those who think differently

 

If you want to push something through, you have to expect rejection as soon as it causes changes for others. This is not only the case when it comes to actual change, but also the presumed effects and intentions. Put yourself in the perspective of other people.

Transparency and credibility can prevent or at least reduce resistance. Remember that the meaning of a message is ultimately determined by the recipient. Therefore, an appropriate form of communication should be chosen to minimize the probability of misunderstandings.

Don’t get drawn into slinging matches, even if the other person gets angry. Stay calm. Listen to what the other person is saying. You can empathize with someone else’s feelings without necessarily agreeing with him or her and giving in to the other point of view. If a point of view is tenable, there are convincing, reasonable arguments for it. Then it is also possible to point out the advantages.

Aggressiveness, on the other hand, is an indication that your issues have not been clarified.

Concentrate on finding a solution to a problem rather than trying to win the argument.

 

 

 

5. Pressure compared to openness

 

Pressure produces counter-pressure, this principle is known from physics. However, this principle can also be applied to communication. The one who asserts himself at any cost makes his counterpart an opponent and evokes rejection, even if the result would be beneficial to others. If, on the other hand, you demonstrate that you only use your power when it is really necessary, you allow your counterpart to participate in the process and thus reduce resistance.

 

 

 

6. Mental balance

 

We constantly reveal information about ourselves. Body language signals, in particular, convey whether one believes in what he says. This is particularly relevant in negotiation situations, in which interlocutors usually observe each other closely and critically question the motives of the others. In such moments, thoughtless body language makes you vulnerable. But it expresses what is going on inside us.

Assertiveness requires a convincing appearance. Those who have lost their mental balance find themselves in a state of imbalance. In that case, you have less access to the resources otherwise available.

Therefore, it is important to train to restore the inner balance as quickly as possible when it has been lost. In emotionally emotional moments, for example in situations that are perceived as an attack, we typically react quickly without thinking about the consequences.

The better I know myself and my priorities, the easier it is for me to say “No!” confidently. Those who know themselves and their weaknesses are more autonomous, pay more attention to themselves and their concerns, and communicate more confidently.

7. Inappropriate reactions

 

An important first step is learning what assertiveness is and what it looks like, as well as the difference between assertiveness and aggression. The likelihood that the first reaction is also the best possible decreases with the degree of negative emotional content. Especially in the case of anger, it is advisable to regain balance and act after the anger is gone. An appropriate, possibly even benevolent reaction conveys sovereignty, increases one’s status, and thus also one’s assertiveness. On the other hand, those who act harshly are accused of weakness and insecurity. Even constant yielding is not sensible: it results in discrimination, weakens one’s reputation and the assertiveness is lost. However, those who always assert themselves are accused that it is not about the object, but only about personal success.

In addition to those two extremes, some alternatives aim to take responsibility and show commitment to oneself and one’s cause. The focus should be on convincingly representing one’s interests and personal values, while at the same time inviting the other person to take part in a joint project. To do this, it is necessary to appreciate the opinions of others as well as to deal with resistance. This reflects the whole appearance and especially body language.

 

 

 

8. The role of body language

 

Non-verbal communication plays a major role in many aspects, although too little attention is often paid to it. While arguments are usually well-prepared, body language is usually left to coincidence. However, body language often says something different from what verbal expressions are supposed to convey. Especially when you try to pretend or suppress something.

Especially in negotiation situations many people want to present themselves advantageously and do not want to let their excitement be noticed. The result then usually does not meet expectations because the inner pressure is very strong and paralyzes both physical and mental agility. Instead of trying to be an actor, it is advisable to perform authentically and professionally. After all, it’s all about presenting yourself and what you offer convincingly. To do this, the verbal and non-verbal elements of the communication have to match: Assertive body language is calm and strong, whereas aggressive body language is tense and intimidating, and passive body language is weak. Keeping good eye contact and limiting loud gestures are great ways to maintain that middle ground.

 

 

 

9. How congruent is your voice?

 

The impact of the voice is immense, for better or worse. Many details are transported by the voice, whether we want it or not. The listeners derive from it how we are and how we relate to our statements.

To use the voice effectively, it is worth working on the inner attitude, vocal technique, and vocal care.

 

 

 

10. Clear messages instead of softeners

 

Choose your words carefully. Focus on clear and concise messages. Simple sentences, understandable language … consider the basics of communication.

This also includes avoiding the use of softeners that take the power out of your statements. And be careful with generalities. As powerful as language can be, as easily we shoot ourselves in the foot.

 

 

 

11. Putting words into action

 

Assertiveness is also based on strong motivation. Personal values provide a basic foundation, which are meaningful guidelines for our actions. Those who formulate and live their values find stability and orientation, also for the assessment of their behavior.

With a well-thought-out plan, especially complex projects become verifiable even before the start: In a sense, a concept provides the blueprint for implementation and provides an overview of the tasks at hand. To move these forward more quickly, priorities are set, i.e. important and less important steps are defined. Arranging the sequence of tasks according to importance and urgency helps to simplify the process and to deploy resources sensibly.

But ultimately only actions can turn a project into reality because the best planning is of little use without consistent implementation. The environment registers how committed we are to our work, and credibility increases when what has been said is put into practice.

 

 

 

12. Dealing with obstacles

 

Obstacles often do not appear unexpectedly; many are foreseeable or announce themselves. By taking problems into account, appropriate solutions can be prepared in advance. If you have a plan B, you can deal with difficulties in a more relaxed manner.

Others also observe how we deal with obstacles. A lot can be said, but these moments show just how ready we are to act. A lot can be said, but these moments show just how ready we are to act. One positive effect is that every situation we master strengthens us. Trust in our actions and judgments increases. Credibility and the effect on others also benefit from this.

 

 

 

13. Flexibility, movement, and stability

 

Flexibility means a fundamentally positive attitude towards change. But not all innovations are always appreciated. Some are perceived as unproblematic, while others give us the feeling that we are losing the basis of our familiar life. Changes are, whether we like it or not, a part of life. Therefore, it is worthwhile to adapt to them. Being flexible also means to discover various possibilities in new situations.

The right balance between appreciating and stabilizing what has been achieved, openness to change, and the willingness to evolve ensure flexibility. Those who rest on their success for too long lose their grip and are no longer perceived accordingly.

 

 

 

14. A convincing presentation

 

The more attractive a goal is, the easier it is to convince other people of it. However, all these advantages are of no use if it is not possible to convince the relevant target group. Without the willingness to stand up for a statement as a personality, many potentials remain unexploited.

It is necessary to clearly define one’s objective. If you do not do this yourself, you will experience that other people will do it for you. The description resulting from this often does not correspond with your interests.

Knowledge and skills are therefore needed to successfully convey an offer. This is a competence that can be learned.

 

 

 

15. Keep pushing

 

Show stamina. It serves the current project and also future ones if it is recognized that you stick to your plans.

Once you have earned the reputation of sticking to it, doubters become less frequent.

 

 

 

16. Be prepared

 

Explore the perspectives, put yourself in the shoes of other positions. Collect information such as numbers, dates, facts, and about the characteristics of the persons involved. What are their motives, fears, and personal patterns?

The better prepared you are, the more effectively you will communicate. If you care about a concern, prepare yourself well – with professional support if necessary.

 

 

 

17. Relationships

 

Each of us is dependent on other people. Reaching out to social networks and experts helps us find the support we need for our projects. Interpersonal relationships deserve special attention for this reason too.

While being assertive generally leads to better outcomes in many aspects of life, being overly assertive can also hurt relationships. The solution lies in a competent, respectful interaction with people. Assertiveness is not the ability to realize ideas against, but together with other people.

 

 

 

18. Willingness to learn

 

Evaluate your experiences, and especially the setbacks. Think about the consequences and what you want to do differently in the future. This way you will constantly become better in whatever you do. 

What next?

 

Assertiveness is a characteristic that can be trained in small steps. Stand up for your concerns, while remaining committed to your values. It is easier to behave respectfully with each other than against each other.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

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In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What is your opinion regarding assertiveness?

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Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.

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Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: April 30, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: April 30, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/schluesselkompetenz-durchsetzungskraft/
K:
H:
T: RR
#221

Speaking with your hands in your pockets during conversations, speeches and presentations?

Speaking with your hands in your pockets during conversations, speeches and presentations?

Just put your hands in your pants?
Nicht nur Wünsche lassen sich von den Augen ablesen

Just put your hands in your pockets during a presentation?

 

Where to put your hands in conversations and during presentations? Just put your hands in your trouser pockets and the problem is solved. Many inexperienced speakers think this is quite a good idea at the beginning. I (and most of the audience) don’t think it’s so good. Why? This question will be answered.

Having the hands in your pocket during a presentation

 

Since I can remember, almost in every introductory workshop of presentation skills someone asks a question about the hands and where they belong in conversations, speeches, and presentations.

A very popular question is whether the hands belong in the trouser pockets or not. Many workshop participants consider this to be quite a good idea. I think about it differently.

 

 

 

Why this isn’t a good idea?

 

Here are five reasons not to put your hands in the pockets of your trousers while speaking.

 

 

 

1. It leads to irritation

 

The unexplainable frequent digging around in the depths of the trouser pockets inspires the viewer’s imagination and thus distracts from the originally intended message.

The audience cannot know what you are doing there. They have no idea that you are just asking your lucky charm for help because of your stage fright.

 

 

 

2. It increases mistrust

 

Open palms promote trust, hidden hands mistrust.

 

 

 

3. It reduces gestures

 

Having your hands in your pockets prevents convincing body language. How can appropriate gestures support the message when the hands are gone? Good gestures require both hands.

 

 

 

4. It sends the wrong signal

 

Keeping your hands in your pockets is also a gesture that indicates that you are afraid, unsure, or not interested in the presentation. Is that what you want to convey to the audience?

 

 

 

5. It demonstrates a lack of respect

 

It is perhaps intended to look casual. Some of your audience members might find it rude towards them. It may upset them.

 

 

 

Where else can I put my hands?

 

Where else can I put my hands? Coherent gestures underline credibility, illustrate and strengthen arguments. This is precisely why the hands belong in the audience’s field of vision. I recommend individual starting positions for the hands. These can then be internalized in everyday situations, and this promotes natural gestures. What is suitable for one person is far from being suitable for another.

 

 

 

Be careful

 

General recipes often do more harm than good. An example of such a mishap is the Merkel rhombus. It has become a trademark. Some call it a running gag, but that does not make it a recommendation — on the contrary.

 

 

 

More?

 

Do you want more suggestions for where to put your hands and how to develop strong gestures? You’ll get them from me in many of my articles. Have fun with it!

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

P.S.

 

What do you do with your hands during a conversation, speech or presentation?

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blank

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: March 30, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: April 15, 2021
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#787

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