Narcissists and feedbackDealing with difficult personalities
Narcissists and feedback
People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism. They react offended and insulted because this could damage their self-image. At least inwardly they react angrily. However, anger can also easily lead to significant aggression.
When you express criticism to narcissists, they experience it like a massive physical attack. For narcissists, it feels like the destruction of their own person. Depending on the relationship and context, the reaction is usually very exaggerated. This happens sooner or later. Sometimes the response can happen even much later when you no longer expect it. It can be overt or covert. However, one result is quite certain: narcissists do not forget even accidental attacks. They want revenge at any price.
Even from your point of view, harmless and constructive feedback will be resented by narcissists. They perceive something like this as an insult and take it personally. So, be careful and exercise extreme tact and sensitivity, just as a bomb disposal expert would.
Before you address issues, think about whether you really want to do this despite the risks. Insight is usually not to be expected from narcissists. Depending on the situation, you should at best expect hypocritical insight, excuses, blame, or emotional reactions such as outbursts of rage.
Stay calm during outbursts of rage by narcissists. It is part of the preferred behavioral repertoire of narcissistic personalities. Such people know how to manipulate others. Learn to recognize their manipulation techniques.
If, despite the risks, you dare to criticize a narcissist, then wrap it up well. Feed narcissists with a lot of acceptable praise. The subsequent criticism should be given in small doses. Do you find this exhausting? So do I!
In any case, there is one thing you can forget about: changing narcissistic personalities. You won’t bring them to insights or establish a relationship at eye level. These are pointless attempts.
Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. All these possibilities work very well and have already helped many people.
It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day.
In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Often a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough.
Every day, I get many inquiries. Some have only one question, others send long question lists, some even call me at night. As much as I would like to help voluntarily, my calendar doesn't allow that anymore. I know, that not everyone has the financial means for professional help. You can then at least use the comment function to discuss issues with other people. Sometimes I also answer questions in the comments. However, the day is full at some point and I ask for your understanding. I am aware of the psychological strain that often results from contact with narcissists.
Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?
More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.
You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.
Let's get into a conversation. Please post any questions that may be interesting for other readers in the comments. If you are interested in coaching or training, for personal questions about that and appointments you can reach me best by e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org), phone +49(0)30 864 213 68, and mobile phone +49(0)1577 704 53 56.
- Help dealing with a narcissist
- Help, am I a narcissist? 8 indications that you are not a narcissist
- 17 signs that someone is a manipulator
- Stop it, I hate that: Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques
- What effort and cost for the preparation of a conversation or negotiation are justified?
- Prepare your conversations and negotiations
- Professional impact analysis: How are you perceived by other people?
Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 25, 2020
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/zu-ist-zuviel-umgang-mit-narzissten/