Why Do Narcissistic People Lie? What Research Says — and What Matters at Work

Why Do Narcissistic People Lie? What Research Says — and What Matters at Work

People with strong narcissistic traits may be more willing to distort information when doing so protects status, self-image, influence, or personal advantage. The more useful question in business is often less “Is this person a narcissist?” and more “What can I still rely on?”

Your business partner tells you:

“We agreed on that.”

You remember a very different conversation.

Your co-founder presents your idea as their own.

A senior executive describes a failed project as somebody else’s responsibility.

A commitment suddenly becomes:

“I never promised that.”

And when you produce evidence, the story changes again.

Experiences like these can be profoundly disorienting.

They also create a practical business problem.

How do you work with someone when their version of reality appears to change according to what serves them now?

Do Narcissistic People Lie More?

Research suggests an association between narcissistic traits and some forms of dishonesty.

That deserves careful wording.

It does not mean that every person with narcissistic traits constantly lies.

It does not mean that every lie indicates narcissism.

And it certainly does not allow us to diagnose someone from a disputed conversation.

Research does show that higher levels of grandiose narcissism have been associated with greater willingness to engage in self-interested unethical behavior, including lying and cheating.

Studies have also found links between narcissistic traits and deception used to maintain a favorable self-image, gain advantage, or protect status.

The pattern is therefore more interesting than the simple statement:

“Narcissists lie.”

A more useful question is:

Under which circumstances does distortion become attractive to this person?

Narcissistic Traits and Narcissistic Personality Disorder Are Different

The word “narcissist” is widely used in everyday conversation.

Clinical psychology requires considerably more precision.

Narcissistic traits exist on a continuum.

They can include tendencies such as:

• grandiosity
• entitlement
• status orientation
• a strong need for admiration
• sensitivity to criticism
• self-enhancement
• limited willingness to consider other perspectives

A diagnosis of Narcissistic Personality Disorder requires qualified clinical assessment.

In professional life, you usually need something else first:

a clear view of observable behavior.

Which statements are reliable?

Which agreements remain stable?

What happens when responsibility is uncomfortable?

What happens when status is threatened?

What happens when facts contradict the person’s preferred story?

Those questions often matter more for your next decision than a diagnostic label.

Why Might Someone With Strong Narcissistic Traits Distort the Truth?

Different people lie for different reasons.

When strong narcissistic tendencies are involved, several motives can become particularly relevant.

1. Protecting a Preferred Self-Image

Some people need to experience themselves as unusually competent, successful, insightful, or important.

Information that supports this identity is welcome.

Information that threatens it creates tension.

That can encourage distortions such as:

• exaggerating achievements
• minimizing mistakes
• claiming greater responsibility for success
• reducing responsibility for failure
• reinterpreting past events

The function of the distortion may be both interpersonal and internal.

It shapes how other people see the person.

It may also help preserve the story the person tells about themselves.

2. Protecting Status

Truth becomes uncomfortable when it threatens rank or authority.

An executive made the wrong call.

A founder ignored repeated warnings.

A manager promised something they could not deliver.

A business partner overestimated their contribution.

Acknowledging the facts may feel like losing status.

Then a different narrative can become attractive.

Someone else misunderstood.

The circumstances changed.

The information was incomplete.

The team failed to execute.

The agreement supposedly meant something different.

Watch especially carefully when accountability and status collide.

3. Gaining an Advantage

Sometimes deception is straightforwardly instrumental.

The person wants:

• a deal
• money
• authority
• recognition
• a promotion
• control
• support from stakeholders
• a stronger negotiating position

Information can then be selectively presented, exaggerated, concealed, or reframed to improve their position.

This is particularly relevant in negotiations, shareholder conflicts, hiring decisions, partnerships, and internal power struggles.

4. Avoiding Responsibility

Responsibility is easier to accept when it fits your self-image.

It becomes harder when it implies:

“I was wrong.”

“I caused this.”

“I failed to notice something important.”

“Someone else understood this better than I did.”

A self-protective narrative may then move responsibility elsewhere.

Watch for recurring patterns rather than one defensive moment.

5. Controlling How Other People See the Situation

Influence is easier when you control the story.

In organizational conflicts, this may mean presenting different versions to different people.

The investor hears one account.

The management team hears another.

The shareholder receives a third.

The employee at the center of the conflict never hears what is being said elsewhere.

The result is more than dishonesty.

It becomes information management as a form of power.

Not Every Distortion Is a Deliberate Lie

This distinction matters.

People can describe the same situation differently without intentionally deceiving one another.

Memory is imperfect.

Perception is selective.

Interests influence interpretation.

People simplify complex events.

And all of us can remember situations in ways that support our preferred understanding of ourselves.

Therefore, before concluding that someone is lying, consider several possibilities:

• different memories
• different interpretations
• poor communication
• ambiguous agreements
• selective attention
• self-deception
• deliberate deception

The practical response becomes stronger when it is based on evidence rather than mind-reading.

Self-Deception Can Matter Too

A person may communicate something inaccurate and still experience their own version as convincing.

This can make disputes particularly frustrating.

You present facts.

The other person appears completely certain.

You add documentation.

They reinterpret the documentation.

You explain the previous agreement.

The meaning of the agreement changes.

At that point, arguing about whether the person “knows they are lying” may contribute very little.

A more useful question is:

Can this professional relationship still produce reliable agreements and decisions?

Common Forms of Deception in Business

Dishonesty rarely appears only as an obvious false statement.

It can take several forms.

Direct Falsehood

A statement is factually false.

For example:

“The client approved it.”

“The board already agreed.”

“I spoke with them yesterday.”

Omission

Relevant information is withheld.

The facts presented may technically be accurate while the missing information changes their meaning substantially.

Exaggeration

Success becomes larger.

Authority becomes broader.

Support becomes more widespread.

Risk becomes smaller.

Selective Framing

Only the facts that support one interpretation are emphasized.

Everything else disappears from the story.

Revision of Agreements

After the fact, a conversation is described differently from how others understood it.

“That was never the agreement.”

“You misunderstood.”

“I said we would consider it.”

False Attribution

Success is claimed personally.

Failure is attributed elsewhere.

Ideas change ownership.

Warnings are remembered selectively.

Triangulation

Different people receive different stories.

This creates alliances, confusion, and dependence on the person controlling the information.

When Does This Become Gaslighting?

The term “gaslighting” is now used for many disagreements.

That weakens its usefulness.

A factual disagreement is not automatically gaslighting.

Neither is poor memory.

Neither is somebody having a different interpretation.

Gaslighting refers more specifically to a pattern in which a person repeatedly manipulates another person’s perception of reality in ways that can create confusion and self-doubt.

In business, warning signs may include recurring attempts to make you question clearly documented events:

“That meeting never happened that way.”

“Everybody else understood me.”

“You are imagining problems again.”

“You always misunderstand these things.”

“You are too emotional to remember this accurately.”

The essential point is the pattern.

One disagreement tells you little.

Repeated reality disputes combined with power, manipulation, and shifting narratives deserve much closer attention.

Why Blatant Lies Can Be So Disorienting

Subtle deception is easier to understand.

An obviously false statement can be more confusing.

You may think:

“They know that I know.”

“The documents are right there.”

“Three other people were in the meeting.”

“How can they say this with such confidence?”

Confidence can easily be mistaken for truth.

It is better treated as confidence.

A calm voice does not verify a statement.

Anger does not verify a statement.

Certainty does not verify a statement.

Repeated assertion does not verify a statement.

Evidence verifies a statement.

Stop Arguing About Character. Start Managing Reliability.

Suppose you suspect that your co-founder, shareholder, executive colleague, or business partner regularly distorts information.

You may be tempted to say:

“You are a liar.”

Or:

“You are a narcissist.”

Both statements shift the conversation toward identity.

The other person can now defend their character instead of addressing the business issue.

Focus on what can be demonstrated.

For example:

“The written agreement from May assigns this decision to both managing directors. Yesterday the commitment was made without that approval. We need to clarify how decisions of this type will be handled from now on.”

This keeps the conversation where it belongs:

• behavior
• agreement
• responsibility
• consequence
• next step

Seven Ways to Protect Decision Quality

1. Document Important Agreements

After consequential conversations, create a shared written record.

Keep it simple:

• What was decided?
• Who is responsible?
• Which deadline applies?
• What happens next?

A written summary reduces later ambiguity.

2. Separate Facts From Interpretation

Ask:

What can we verify?

What is interpretation?

What remains uncertain?

This distinction becomes particularly valuable when emotions and interests run high.

3. Verify Consequential Claims

When an important decision depends on a claim, verify it independently where appropriate.

This may concern:

• client commitments
• financial information
• contracts
• approval
• deadlines
• stakeholder positions
• technical claims

Trust and verification can coexist.

4. Clarify Decision Rights

Repeated disputes become more dangerous when nobody knows who has authority.

Make roles explicit.

Who decides?

Who needs to be consulted?

Who needs to approve?

Who needs to be informed?

Good governance reduces the power of narrative manipulation.

5. Avoid Endless Reality Debates

Once you have enough information to make the next decision, further argument may add little value.

You do not need universal agreement about the past to create a clear process for the future.

6. Watch Patterns, Not Isolated Incidents

Everyone gets something wrong.

Everyone remembers selectively at times.

Everyone occasionally communicates poorly.

The concern grows when you repeatedly see:

• self-serving revisions
• shifting responsibility
• different stories for different audiences
• agreements that repeatedly change afterward
• attacks on people who produce contradictory evidence

7. Decide What Reliability the Role Requires

The central business question may eventually become:

What level of reliability does this role require — and do we have it?

A minor exaggeration from a peripheral contact has one level of consequence.

Repeated misinformation from a managing director, co-founder, shareholder, or finance leader creates another.

Role and consequence matter.

If You Are Preparing a Difficult Conversation

When reliability is already disputed, prepare carefully.

Before the conversation, clarify:

• What exactly happened?
• Which facts can you document?
• Which part remains interpretation?
• What do you need from the conversation?
• Which decision needs to be made?
• Where are your boundaries?
• Which reactions are predictable?
• How will you respond if the discussion becomes personal?

A useful principle is:

Do not enter the conversation to prove the other person’s personality. Enter it to address the situation.

→ Prepare an Important Conversation or Negotiation

When the Difficult Person Is Your Co-Founder

A co-founder relationship creates special risks.

You may share:

• ownership
• financial commitments
• employees
• clients
• intellectual property
• decision authority
• personal guarantees
• a public reputation

When trust in information begins to deteriorate, the issue quickly becomes larger than communication.

Governance matters.

Contracts matter.

Decision rights matter.

Documentation matters.

And some questions deserve qualified legal, financial, or tax advice.

→ Narcissistic Patterns in a Co-Founder Relationship

When the Difficult Person Is a Leader

A leader’s relationship with truth can affect an entire organization.

Information may travel upward selectively.

Bad news may become dangerous to deliver.

Success may become personalized.

Failure may travel downward.

Employees may begin adapting what they report to what the leader wants to hear.

At that point, the problem extends beyond one person’s honesty.

The organization’s information system itself becomes less reliable.

That can affect strategy, risk management, personnel decisions, client relationships, and governance.

→ Narcissistic Patterns in Leadership

Manipulation and Lying Are Related — Yet Different

A person can manipulate without making a single factually false statement.

They can:

• select information
• create urgency
• use guilt
• control framing
• change the subject
• triangulate
• apply social pressure

This is why focusing exclusively on whether a sentence is technically true may miss the wider dynamic.

Look at how information is being used.

→ Recognize Common Manipulation Techniques

A Question More Useful Than “Why Are They Lying?”

Understanding motives can help.

Yet you may never know precisely why another person said what they said.

Eventually another question becomes more useful:

What changes in my decisions once I know that this information source may be unreliable?

Perhaps you verify more.

Perhaps agreements become written.

Perhaps decision rights become clearer.

Perhaps another person joins important meetings.

Perhaps governance needs to change.

Perhaps trust can be rebuilt.

Perhaps the relationship itself needs reconsideration.

The useful insight is the one that changes your next action.

What Research Suggests

Research on narcissism and dishonesty is more nuanced than the popular idea that “narcissists simply lie all the time.”

Studies have found associations between higher narcissistic traits and greater willingness to engage in some forms of deception and self-interested unethical behavior.

Research also distinguishes narcissism from related traits such as Machiavellianism and psychopathy. Their patterns of deception are not identical.

This matters because personality characteristics influence behavior in interaction with opportunity, incentives, risk, and context.

A personality trait increases our understanding of a pattern. It does not allow us to predict every action of an individual.

The Bottom Line

Why might people with strong narcissistic tendencies lie or distort information?

Possible motives include:

• protecting self-image
• maintaining status
• avoiding responsibility
• gaining advantage
• controlling how others understand a situation

Yet the most important question for you may be more practical.

Can you rely on the information, the agreements, and the person’s accountability when the stakes rise?

When the answer becomes uncertain, respond to what you can observe.

Document.

Verify.

Clarify authority.

Prepare important conversations.

Watch recurring patterns.

And make decisions based on the reliability the situation actually provides.

You do not need a diagnosis to take unreliable behavior seriously.

Dealing With an Unreliable Business Partner, Shareholder, or Executive?

Understanding the pattern may be the first step.

The harder question is often:

What do you do next?

Executive Sparring can help you examine the situation, separate facts from interpretation, clarify your options, and prepare an important conversation or decision.

I work primarily with executives, business owners, and senior leaders.

In person in Berlin. Online throughout Germany.

→ Executive Sparring

→ High-Stakes Communication

→ Fees & Booking

→ Discuss Your Situation

About Karsten Noack

I work with executives, business owners, and senior leaders on important decisions, difficult professional relationships, conversations, negotiations, and situations where careful preparation matters.

My background combines engineering, management, business consulting, marketing, psychology, communication, and more than 25 years of coaching work.

→ About Karsten Noack

Compassionate Support for Those Affected by Narcissists

(Note: This is not legal advice—consult a legal professional for legal issues.)

Understanding the Challenge

Dealing with narcissistic individuals can lead to intense emotional pain, confusion, and exhaustion. I understand that many of you are facing an overwhelming situation, feeling isolated and unsure where to turn. My goal is to provide you with clear, compassionate support to help you regain control and navigate through this challenging time.

Immediate Support and Appointment Options

If you need urgent help, I strive to be available at short notice, often even on the same day. This is possible thanks to immediate bank transfer options. A 60-minute phone call is typically sufficient to address urgent concerns, provide support, and create clarity. You have several options for appointments:

• In-person meetings: Available in Berlin.
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If you are looking for guidance in making decisions, communicating effectively, or managing emotional distress due to narcissistic relationships, I am here to arrange a session that suits your needs.

Booking an Appointment

Due to the high volume of requests, my volunteer assistance must remain limited. However, I am committed to providing professional support—whether you need therapeutic help or coaching (excluding legal advice).

Appointments can be booked:

• In person in Berlin.
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For your convenience, sessions can be arranged quickly thanks to real-time bank transfers. You may schedule an appointment first or, for even faster service, book directly. Once the fee is received, we will find the next available slot to suit your schedule.

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If you are experiencing the psychological effects of narcissistic abuse, I offer specialized therapeutic support. My goal is to help you overcome the confusion and pain caused by narcissistic relationships. Additionally, reduced rates are available specifically for therapeutic assistance related to narcissistic abuse, as I recognize the burden these experiences can place on your well-being.

Financial Limitations and Alternative Support

I understand that not everyone has the financial means to afford professional support. In such cases, I invite you to use the comment section as a platform to connect and share experiences with others facing similar challenges. I occasionally provide responses there, offering guidance that may help you move forward.

To further assist, I offer a free initial consultation by phone on the first Monday of each month, from 9:00 AM to 12:00 PM. This is my way of giving back and helping those in need of immediate guidance. To access this free service, please call +49 (0)30 864 213 65. Note that calls outside these hours or to other phone numbers will be handled exclusively as part of professional support.

Questions and Private Concerns

For questions that could benefit others, feel free to ask in the comment section. Sharing these questions helps others understand that they are not alone and provides collective insights. For more private matters, I am available for professional support.

To arrange an appointment, discuss support options, or address organizational questions, please reach out via email at mail@karstennoack.com or better please use the contact form.

A Final Note

Thank you for your understanding regarding my procedures and the limitations I face due to the high volume of requests. Your courage in seeking support is commendable, and I am here to provide guidance, compassion, and clarity on your journey.

Contact Me for More Information

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Transparency and Frequently Asked Questions

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Related Articles

• Psychotherapy
• 30 tips for communicating with narcissists. Dealing with narcissists. Too much is too much!
• 17 signs that someone is a manipulator
• Stop it, I hate that: Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques
• Professional impact analysis: How are you perceived by other people?

P.S.

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly and so often?​?

Articles

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: November 19th, 2024
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
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