Why do narcissists lie so blatantly?Chronic lying of narcissists
Chronic lying by narcissists
Why do narcissists lie so blatantly and so often?
Why do so many narcissists lie so brazenly?
Narcissists want to compensate for their low self-esteem by exaggerated self-portrayals. Their urge for attention and admiration is very strong and out of control. They, therefore, invent stories to make themselves look great. There can be only one. To make themselves look even better, they devalue other people, make them look bad. Where there is no fault to be found, they stage it. To achieve their goals, they have no restraint when it comes to lying. They seem to believe their lies, even not to consider them as such. What is this all about?
Attention: This article is not about the diagnosis of pathological narcissists, but about avoiding nasty people and not being exploited. For simplification, I call people with clearly narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists in this article.
Only own interests count
Narcissists consider other people as objects – as a means to an end – and feel entitled to exploit them. Lies enable narcissists to present a false image of themselves to potential victims. Whether professionally, in business, privately; those who take the bait usually realize too late what the consequences are. The net quickly tightens.
Narcissists know what to do to make their victims lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They get involved in the relationship without realizing the danger that lurks. Once the targets are taken in, narcissists continue to cleverly weave lies with a dash of truth to ensure that their targets continue to play by their rules.
Narcissists also lie by withholding and selecting information. They lie as a form of gaslighting to extend their control over targets by making them constantly question and doubt themselves. They often frequently claim that they value and even love their targets. In doing so, they have little to no inhibitions.
Lack of ability or willingness to empathize
Narcissists lie effortlessly and are very convincing because they lack normal human emotions or inhibitions. They are insensitive and bored, lack the willingness to show empathy for others, and feel neither shame nor remorse. This coldness of feeling also allows them to lie with minimal inhibitions.
Narcissists can look people straight in the eye while shamelessly lying to them. In doing so, they do not make a face, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deceptions. It is normal for them to deny lies, make excuses, and project their behavior onto others. Empathy is a means to an end, otherwise just dead weight.
They arouse pity
Narcissists also lie to make others feel sorry for them. They are out to abuse others. They exploit the natural desire of many people to help their fellow man. Furthermore, they use deception, sometimes a spark of truth, to create a plethora of fabricated problems. Common attempts at manipulation include faked illnesses and injuries, car accidents, and thefts. More often, they suffer at the hands of supposedly mean and even crazy people, such as ex-partners, former victims. The others are always responsible. In this way, they want to gain advantages and distract from their mean behavior.
Pathological chronic lying
Narcissists can be very cunning, sly, and resourceful in inventing lies. They are manipulative, deceitful, and unscrupulous to alienate their victims and influence observers. They start by lying about themselves, then move on to lying about their ex, their career, and their accomplishments. They lie about their feelings for you to quickly win you over and keep you loyal. Chances are that lies about you will then follow once you see through the game and want to leave.
Attempts to clarify
When asked about lies, further lies are to be expected from narcissists. Hindsight is unlikely, and they often fight exposure with all their might.
The sooner you recognize the deceitful game, the better. Find out how to recognize narcissists and how to protect yourself. Stay mindful.
Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)
It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.
As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.
If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.
If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.
Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.
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This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.
Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/