Narcissistic parents

What relationship do narcissistic parents have with their children?
Narcissists and leadership

Narcissists as parents


The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

Parents with clear narcissistic tendencies


The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.






Parents with narcissistic tendencies tend to overvalue their children. They see their children primarily as extensions of themselves. Because they themselves are so incredibly awesome, their children must be as well. How could it be otherwise? These parents elevate their children to a podium. This is how they hope to get indirect admiration. Such narcissists raise narcissists.

If parents overestimate their children’s abilities, they believe they are special and better than other children. They want their children to stand out from the crowd. This is then adopted and thus characteristics are developed that are typical of narcissists.




Do narcissistic parents always lead to narcissistic offspring?


Many people with narcissistic parents worry if they themselves are narcissists. The good news is; then probably not! Read more in the article Help, am I a narcissist? 8 clues that you are not a narcissist. However, such experiences do not pass people by without leaving a trace. It often leaves scars and the need to work very carefully on yourself and take care of yourself.




Do narcissists love their children?


Especially in coaching, the question is rarely asked so directly, at least not at the beginning. Many of my clients are already parents themselves and in many ways are mature individuals. But the sting sits deep, the question gnaws at the soul. And it does so regardless of whether the offspring is still at the beginning or is already a successful CEO with great influence.

My opinion on this: Neither the understanding nor the behavior of narcissists comes very close to the understanding of love. They attach everything to conditions, it is not about the human being in itself. Narcissists consider offspring at best as an extension of their wonderful appearance on this planet. Expecting genuine appreciation and respect from them makes offspring more susceptible to manipulation and does not lead to satisfaction. It is simply not interesting for narcissists.






As long as narcissists perceive offspring as an extension of themselves they are more generous. If this reason ceases to exist, then there is little reason to hold back. Then narcissistic parents can become extremely mean. Even then, they are convinced it is necessary to make their position clear and to protect themselves. They believe this even when they attack.






Narcissistic parents have consequences. The scars do not heal easily, often never. This can affect interpersonal relationships, professional and personal. The injury to the soul costs quality of life. Depending on how severe the injuries are, positive experiences can contribute to healing.

There is not always enough distance in later years. For example, if there are dependencies and the narcissist’s influence continues well beyond youth. With family businesses, this is a regular challenge.

Either way; get help if you can benefit from it. I offer this in the form of coaching and also as therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)


It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (, conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Be ready for important conversations and negotiations


Communication can be easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say one thing and then realize later, based on the other person's reaction, that they were talking to someone else. With the best will in the world, I didn't say that. - Or did I?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen quickly enough, and above all, if it isn't precise and vivid, the other person quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. - The conversation has failed.

You can let me help you prepare for your meetings and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will train you in effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and ultimately convince.

Just ask me personally


Please post any questions that may be of interest to other readers in the comments. Looking for professional help?

If you are interested in coaching, training or consulting, if you have organizational questions, or if you want to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (you can choose whether you want to enter your personal data) or via e-mail ( The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. That is why you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees and getting to know me. If you like what you see, I look forward to working with you.


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This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:

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