Narcissists and feedbackDealing with difficult personalities
Narcissists and feedback
People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism. They react offended and insulted because this could damage their self-image. At least inwardly they react angrily. However, anger can also easily lead to significant aggression.
Feedback and narcissists
When you express criticism to narcissists, they experience it like a massive physical attack. For narcissists, it feels like the destruction of their person. Depending on the relationship and context, the reaction is usually very exaggerated. This happens sooner or later. Sometimes the response can happen even much later when you no longer expect it. It can be overt or covert. However, one result is quite certain: narcissists do not forget even accidental attacks. They want revenge at any price.
Is it worth it?
Even from your point of view, harmless and constructive feedback will be resented by narcissists. They perceive something like this as an insult and take it personally. So, be careful and exercise extreme tact and sensitivity, just as a bomb disposal expert would.
Before you address issues, think about whether you want to do this despite the risks. Insight is usually not to be expected from narcissists. Depending on the situation, you should at best expect hypocritical insight, excuses, blame, or emotional reactions such as outbursts of rage.
Stay calm during outbursts of rage by narcissists. It is part of the preferred behavioral repertoire of narcissistic personalities. Such people know how to manipulate others. Learn to recognize their manipulation techniques.
If, despite the risks, you dare to criticize a narcissist, then wrap it up well. Feed narcissists with a lot of acceptable praise. The subsequent criticism should be given in small doses. Do you find this exhausting? So do I!
In any case, there is one thing you can forget about: changing narcissistic personalities. You won’t bring them to insights or establish a relationship at eye level. These are pointless attempts.
Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)
It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.
As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.
If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.
If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.
Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.
So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (firstname.lastname@example.org), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.
Preparation of important conversations and negotiations
Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?
More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.
You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.
Just ask me personally
Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?
Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.
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This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.
Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: August 22nd, 2022
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/zu-ist-zuviel-umgang-mit-narzissten/