Narcissism: Protect yourself of flying monkeys, the henchmen of narcissists.

No legal advice!

Narcissists and flying monkeys


When it comes to narcissism and narcissists, the findings are no pleasure. The name Flying Monkeys also sounds more harmless than the phenomenon is. What is it all about, and how do you protect yourself from flying monkeys?

The henchmen of narcissists and other nasty people


Flying monkey is the name given to the henchmen of narcissists. This post is about what they are all about and how you can protect yourself from flying monkeys.




Flying Monkeys


Flying what? Flying Monkeys, flying monkeys! The term was coined by the story: “The Wizard of Oz”. While it is not so well known in this country, the story belongs to the cultural heritage in the USA. The story: The wicked witch sends monkeys to catch the girl Dorothy and her dog. The monkeys obey her command, do the dirty work for her, mock and terrorize Dorothy while she tries in vain to get home. In reference to this, the henchmen of narcissists are called flying monkeys. Whereby not only narcissists are capable of this. Sociopaths and psychopaths are even more gifted at this task.




Nasty minions


As if a magic spell had taken possession of them, people allow themselves to be used to implement the rotten game of narcissists. Narcissists send their henchmen, the flying monkeys, to fulfill their wishes. And that does not involve many blessings.




What do flying monkeys do?


Flying monkeys correspond to the desires of narcissists. Often this includes abusive behavior such as blaming, twisting the truth, gaslighting, assault, threats and violence, and destabilization. They drive a wedge between you and the people you care about. They do what keeps narcissists happy by creating more chaos, launching smear campaigns, manipulating, and engaging in what is distant to people of decency. They often disguise themselves as understanding and sympathetic contemporaries to more effectively manipulate and spy on you.

Flying monkeys are often used to turn victims of narcissists who struggle into perceived abusers. Unfortunately, this is very often successful.




Benefits for narcissists


The end justifies the means. The stooges get the job done, so cowardly narcissists don’t need to bother and get their hands dirty. Narcissists thus stay out of the danger zone, and they can proclaim their innocence when things get out of hand. If necessary, the flying monkeys become pawns.




Who is suitable to be a flying monkey?


Who are these flying monkeys, and why do they willingly submit to people, like narcissists? They are people with a lack of moral values, respectively, those who are not able to withdraw from authority. Especially in hierarchies, it happens easily that power is used to induce weak minds to behave dishonestly. The personality of these people is correspondingly shaky. If they are no longer needed by narcissists, they are also dropped.




The motivation of flying monkeys


What makes people become flying monkeys and give themselves up to doing nasty things? Many of them have characteristics that narcissists exploit to satisfy their own needs. Narcissists recognize the deficiencies of these people and know how to instrumentalize them. Towards them, narcissists are extremely cunning and pretend.

Even thinking logically is not evenly given to every person. Narcissists succeed in portraying themselves as victims and you as perpetrators in order to find the helpers in flying monkeys who straighten this out, and restore justice. A separate article follows on this.




How to defend yourself against flying monkeys


May the following suggestions help you to ward off flying monkeys. Don’t put up with them.




1. Maintain your own reality


Flying monkeys can’t mess you up if you don’t allow them to. The first step is to know the truth and run everything the flying monkeys say through your own healthy truth filter.




2. Keep your eyes open


Flying monkeys play false. They often give the impression that they are friends, but they are not quite the opposite. Such people like to pretend they are on your side and support you. The more you tell them about yourself and the problems a narcissist causes you, the more material and attack surface you give away.




3. Have benevolent people in your life


It probably sounds obvious, but you desperately need people to whom you can share feelings and thoughts and who will let you share them, who will not doubt you and your observations.




4. Detach yourself from narcissists and their supporters


It can be difficult to detach from narcissists, especially if it is family or related to the workplace. On social media, it’s a little easier if you’re willing to mute annoying dwarfs.

It’s tempting to engage with provocative people, but that usually doesn’t make things better. Set limits for these people, or rather, show them the door.




5. Get help


Consider therapy, especially if you have been dealing with narcissists and their supporters for a long time. Professional support is recommended for very close and hurtful experiences. The wounds are often deeper than suspected. Use a protected setting. This way, you can also work on trusting yourself.





6. Privacy


Set your social media profiles to private and be very selective about whom you grant friend requests. Only accept requests from friends and good acquaintances of friends, and ask about shared connections if necessary when strangers reach out. Inquire before giving them permission. This may seem a bit excessive, but if you have worked hard to get out of the clutches of narcissists, it is worth the extra effort to protect yourself. If you take these steps, you will have less to worry about personal information about you getting to narcissists. They won’t be able to access anything about you that you don’t share with the public this way.




7. Gossip and slander


Gossip is sometimes not as harmless as it seems. Narcissists and their supporters can do you great harm this way. Flying monkeys give rumors even more weight because they are reinforcing. If you can, rise above it instead of trying to retaliate and be dragged down to the low level. Stay true to your values. I address this topic in detail in a separate post.




8. Group attacks


When a group of flying monkeys is working together and harassing you, extra vigilance is required. As is often the case, it is important that you know who you are, what you stand for, and what you want. Then you will not be so easily manipulated.

Also, if a larger group takes a different position toward you, it may be wrong. But this kind of thing puts pressure on you. If you are not able or willing to cut these people out of your life immediately, then the best thing you can do is to end such influences from your side.  Make sure that you remain calm and confident while doing so. Learn to recognize such manipulation. Fear, a sense of duty, and guilt are often brought up in order to try to exert influence. Do not get involved in this.




9. Document, inform


Document what is going on. Even taking your own notes as a memory log is better than no documentation at all. Witnesses are helpful. This helps you not to doubt yourself and your observations and makes it easier to uncover lies when needed.




10. Over, out, past


Narcissists are skilled at winning people over. They often succeed in making a good first impression.  It lingers for a while, even with bad experiences, and they can be very persuasive. Better sooner than later, you should consistently set a clear limit to narcissists and their henchmen. It will not get better, no amount of hoping will help.






Yes, sometimes the solution requires much more than described here. If necessary, get the help you need. Don’t put up with it. You have a right to your own life. Neither should flying monkeys harm you nor should you ever allow yourself to become a flying monkey.

Help in dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)


It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to a real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for an understanding of my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (, conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.


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Have you dealt with toxic people like narcissists and how did you take care of yourself? How can you deal with this form of gaslighting?


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This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:

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