Expecting apologies from narcissistsLive your life, take good care of yourself
Expecting apologies from narcissists
Again and again, non-narcissists are under the illusion of receiving an honest apology from narcissistic personalities. You should know; narcissists don’t really apologize and respond to such demands as if they were under attack.
Narcissists strive to appear charming, confident, and even thoughtful. Although they invest some effort in the appearance, this has its limits. What goes too far is expecting personalities with clear narcissistic tendencies to offer insight and sincere apologies. Such things are far too disgusting to them, and they will fight against them.
This video is not about the diagnosis of pathological narcissists. It’s about avoiding nasty contemporaries and not letting them exploit you. For simplicity, I call people with clear narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists here.
Ordinary people make mistakes —narcissists don’t. Someone has done something inappropriate from our point of view, and therefore we want at least an apology and insights. An understandable need.
Personalities, with an emotional maturity, approach such a situation with sincerity, openness and the desire to make amends – not so narcissists. For them, it is much more important to protect their shaky self-esteem, no scratch in the facade is allowed. The others are to blame.
Narcissists do not want to apologize in any case. They do not voluntarily repair the damage they have done and do not admit their mistakes. And then naive non-narcissists come and give themselves the illusion of getting an honest apology. This is unrealistic. Apologies are given at best for strategic reasons. Whether in private, professional or business life; honestly meant apologies require a willingness to learn and require social skills. The offspring of narcissists in particular suffer for a very long time – sometimes for a lifetime – as a result of their failure to apologize. It is important to take very good care of oneself here and to make good decisions. Narcissists do not take responsibility.
The shame of being forced to apologize leads to feelings of revenge. Sooner or later, this insolence is punished with compound interest. Narcissists make themselves the victim, and you are the perpetrator. If there is the opportunity, you will get the punishment for it, narcissists have a good memory for it. You should know that beforehand!
May such insights help you better understand what goes on in narcissists. Ultimately, it is your job to take care of yourself and the people you care about.
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Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.
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Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?
More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.
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Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissmus-eltern-kinder-liebe-beziehung/