Those who want, misunderstand usSelbst, wenn wir einer Botschaft die entsprechend verdiente Chance verschaffen ...
Limits of communication
Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?
It is not always easy to see if things are worth what they seem. So it is also with statements of people. There are people who can express themselves in a wonderfully chosen way while talking nonsense. Some have practiced smiling at their interlocutors, respectively at the audience, while they want to deceive them. And then there are honest people who have put a lot of thought into their speech but are not skilled at expressing themselves in a way that their audience will immediately understand.
All that glitters is not gold! And it can be true the other way around and in all directions. Also, the intent or value of a message is not always immediately apparent. This makes it all the more important, as a listener, to pay closer attention to the messages, the messengers, and the contexts.
Even that is often not as easy as it would be desirable. First, some messengers don’t make it easy for us to understand the value of what they are offering. Second, our own beliefs and filters frequently make it even harder. Engaging openly with ideas requires the willingness and ability to do so. If on top of that, the personality or topic being represented is unappealing to me, only selective information reaches me and gets minimal or even no chance. Depending on the degree of self-reflection, personal development, and motivation, I will be more or less committed to exploring the idea or not.
If you have a message yourself, you would do well to express it in a way that is as understandable as possible, suitable for the topic and the target audience. If the message deserves it, then the corresponding effort is worthwhile. And there is a lot that can be done to ensure that the message has the best possible chance of being understood and accepted. Just translating the message into the language of the audience, motivating them, and reducing possible misunderstandings can be quite a worthwhile effort.
However, even with the most extensive preparation, a message has no chance if the audience is not interested in understanding it, or at least not willing to admit it. For many reasons, they may be much more interested in twisting your words in some way. In this case, the best techniques and immense preparation will help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup, or conjured into it. The game is not always played fairly.
How likely this is, can often be seen in advance, if the willingness is there to look more closely.
The exchange with such people is quite one-sided because it is not about the best solution. In such a film, the only thing that can be done is to concentrate on not giving the opponents any unnecessary trump cards. Even if their tactics are very obvious and superficial, not everyone in the audience has to recognize that immediately. That would then damage your own message. Either such exchanges can be omitted altogether, or they have a different goal. In that case, communication no longer takes place for the purpose of convincing the interlocutors and finding a solution, but with a view to the effect on the audience.
If you want to present yourself and your message convincingly, it’s best to approach this systematically and explore perspectives early on. You can find out how to do this in the articles with links below.
Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?
More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.
You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.
Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?
Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.
In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.
- Using values as the driving force for good decision-making. Do you know your values?
- What effort and cost for the preparation of a conversation or negotiation are justified?
- These 20+ conversation tips let you talk without interruption!
- Professional impact analysis: How are you perceived by other people?
Persuading without arguments, assertiveness, winning without consideration, knockout by nasty tricks, black magic, manipulating. It is a coveted feeling to be right.
The five-finger speech structure step by step. Systematically build up statements, whether for speeches, presentations, or discussions.
There are many strategies to consider in opening your pitch. Think about it twice, because those first minutes can make or break you.
This article deals with what it is worth paying attention to as a speaker concerning facial expressions.
People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.
Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.
Where to put your hands in conversations and during presentations? Just put your hands in your trouser pockets and the problem is solved. Many inexperienced speakers think this is quite a good idea. I (and most of the audience) don’t think it’s so good. Why? This question will be answered.
The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious illness?
Does everyone have to say something about everything? In my opinion, the most important rule of rhetoric and good communication style is that those who have nothing to say should shut up.
Tongue breakers are used to train dedicated speakers for speaking, articulation, and concentration.
We all need to know that we’re important in other people’s lives. We need to be noticed and valued — in private and business life. Why do I believe that it is so important to show appreciation? Because…
Better smart goals than unfulfilled wishes. Well defined goals for better self-management, more effective meetings, negotiations,… Life is much easier when agreements with ourselves and others are made more clearly and realistically.
Published: April 30, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: April 30, 2020
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/schluesselkompetenz-durchsetzungskraft/