Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

How to protect yourself from toxic people
What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissists in start-ups

 

What to do when co-founders in startups have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

 

Many start-ups fail. There are many reasons why. It is especially unfortunate when basically everything could go well, and it is up to the founders that a venture fails or at least does not go as well as it could. Different perspectives between the people involved can be very enriching. A good team complements each other. Except, unfortunately, that’s not always the case.

Problems between co-founders are quite common. And unfortunately, they can’t always be resolved. It becomes especially tricky when difficult personalities are involved.

What to do if a co-founder in the startup has a narcissistic personality?

 

 

 

Well-meant recommendations

 

There must be something that can be done. If you start looking for solutions, you will find many suggestions. There are many well-intentioned recommendations on how to deal with difficult people. Bookstores and the Internet provide patent remedies.

 

 

 

But …

 

Many of the well-meant recommendations, such as addressing narcissists about their behavior and then hoping for improvement, too often cause enormous damage. And worst of all; it’s rarely reversible. In the post 30 tips for communicating with narcissists, learn more.

A lot of what works for good communication and relationship building in other situations makes situations involving narcissists worse. When it comes to interpersonal conflict, narcissists do not take a fair approach. If they feel it is necessary, they also accept their own disadvantages. This can cause considerable damage and can ruin entire companies and the people involved.

For legal questions, contact the appropriate experts. To make sure that you take into account the communicative and psychological possibilities, I am here for you.

 

 

 

Narcissists in start-ups

 

 

With their charisma, narcissists can be captivating. In good expressions or moments, narcissists can succeed in providing orientation to others and inspiring them.

Grandiose narcissists have an advantage when it comes to launching challenging projects. They invest in performance and create buzz. Because they know how to make a convincing first impression, they get their foot in the door and ideas sold. If the goal is to move a startup forward quickly and stubbornly, the chances are good. In this phase, those involved are also more willing to overlook collateral damage.

There are a disproportionate number of narcissists in leadership positions. The desire for power and the willingness to make the necessary effort to impress relevant people are typical of narcissism. However, the beautiful appearance is deceptive, narcissistic personalities cause damage.

Sooner or rarely later, the narcissistic personality becomes a problem. I describe this in a separate post. Then the disadvantages become too great to ignore.

 

 

 

Determination and risk-taking

 

A common strength of narcissistic personalities is their uncompromising determination to get results. Their lack of ability to self-reflect does not allow for risk awareness. As a result, they bring projects and innovations forward.

 

 

 

Risks

 

Someone probably had reasons why this person was chosen as a co-founder. People with narcissistic structures do not only bring disadvantages. Not all narcissists are incompetent. Some projects benefit greatly from narcissists. However, they also often do considerable damage, which is often noticed with a time delay.

Because they cannot maintain genuine trusting relationships and accept feedback, their vision is very limited. The lack of social skills and the overestimation of self have consequences. Yet, the issue of narcissism and its importance is still largely underestimated.

Awareness of causes and correlations in narcissistic personalities is still scarce.

 

 

 

Look very thoroughly

 

 

It is human to make mistakes. However, insufficient preparation comes at an unnecessarily high price. Depending on the strategy, such collaboration in a start-up is planned for a specific, short or longer period of time. And sometimes things turn out differently than planned. That is why it is so important to consider in advance whether the cooperation in the team is promising.

Because awareness of narcissistic personalities is not very widespread, I strongly recommend developing a sense of this issue. Their charisma, sometimes perceived as charisma, can be very empowering. However, behind the dazzling facade often hides a difficult person. The article 36 clues to a narcissistic personality will help you. The sooner you recognize narcissists as such, the better.

 

 

 

Who is responsible?

 

In the beginning, narcissists still sell themselves as an asset. They disguise themselves to those people with whom they want to make a good impression, as long as it is advantageous for them. Then, more and more often, they take off their mask and the damage becomes greater and greater.

Usually, those people who could intervene are still too blinded by the self-promotion and promises on display. When the true character is recognized, it is typically already very late. And the damage can be very great.

Who could and should exert influence here? Investors, business angels, and other experienced persons, who are not yet familiar with narcissistic persons, will probably waste their valuable contributions elsewhere, here. On narcissists, this has an often even negative effect. If they think they have to accept the offers, they will do so. But it is done only for appearances. Those who forced them to do so will feel revenge for this ignominy when there is the opportunity.

 

 

 

When it happened 

 

You are at a point where you have gained the impression that you are dealing with a narcissist. However, you cannot flee immediately. Then it is best to proceed very carefully.

 

 

 

What you can do

 

What you can do if people in leadership positions turn out to be narcissists?

You might start by looking at the post 42 Tips for Communicating with Narcissists. Then you can seek support for dealing with narcissists. And do it as soon as possible, because it’s easier to prevent problems than to correct them. Narcissists are extremely sensitive and never forget even perceived humiliation. Narcissistic personalities perceive even understandable constructive feedback as a personal insult and want to retaliate for such insolence. And they know little inhibition in doing so.

Here are a few typical issues I assist with:

 

 

 

1. Goals and strategy

 

You need a very deliberate strategy on how to proceed and especially where to go. Also, because the risk is so readily underestimated; it doesn’t get better. Narcissistic personalities don’t get more compatible; it probably gets harder. You need a plan!

 

 

 

2. Adjustments

 

Adjust to the idiosyncrasies of narcissists. Deliver as minimal unintended friction as possible through your behavior. The challenge is to curb narcissistic behavior at the same time. In doing so, many have already exhausted themselves.

 

 

 

3. Communication

 

Prepare each important conversation carefully. Remember that the recipients decide the meaning of your messages, and narcissists tend to be very idiosyncratic in their interpretations. Learn to tailor your communication to this, because even details quickly do great damage.

 

 

 

4. Stay balanced

 

Sooner or later, even the most confessed personalities get out of control. All this can’t be true! But it is essential to keep your nerve when you have decided to take the most constructive course possible. The best techniques (which I will give you) will only work if you stay in a good state of mind. You will need that for the entire phase.

 

 

 

5. Ask for support

 

The earlier you get support, the better. Prevention is better than aftercare. Narcissists are vindictive, very vindictive. For legal and tax issues, contact the appropriate experts, if it is about the interpersonal aspects, such as communication, then you are in the right place with me.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

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In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What thoughts come to your mind about this topic? Have you encountered narcissists in startups?

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36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
H:
T: RR
#852

Narcissists & Co.: 10 tips to set boundaries for toxic people

Narcissists & Co.: 10 Tips to Set Boundaries for Toxic People

How to protect yourself from toxic people
Narcissists

Setting boundaries for toxic people

 

What to do when toxic people cross boundaries? Here are suggestions you can use to set clear boundaries for such contemporaries.

Setting boundaries for toxic people

 

It is usually not easy to set boundaries with toxic people, but it is all the more necessary. Boundaries are part of taking care of ourselves. When we set clear boundaries early on, we are less likely to be angry and resentful because our needs are taken care of. Boundaries make our expectations clear, so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated. Boundaries are one of the foundations of functioning relationships – professional and personal.

 

 

 

Why set boundaries?

 

 

Ideally, people respect our boundaries if we communicate them enough. However, some people resist our efforts to set boundaries; they argue, blame, ignore, manipulate, threaten or hurt us emotionally or physically. And while we can’t stop people from acting this way, we can learn to set clear boundaries and take care of ourselves.

 

 

 

Learning to set boundaries

 

Setting boundaries consists of three steps.

 

 

1st step 1

 

Identify your boundaries. Be clear about what you require before you go about communicating or enforcing the boundary.

 

 

 

2nd step

 

Communicate your boundaries or expectations, calmly, and consistently. Stick to the facts without over-explaining, blaming, or getting defensive.

 

 

 

3rd step

 

If your boundaries are not respected, review your options and take consistent action.

 

 

 

Focus

 

This post focuses on the third step; what we can do when our boundaries are not respected.

 

 

 

Who are toxic people?

 

Toxic people are people who are destructive and make us feel worse when we are around them. Gut feelings usually indicate pretty quickly if someone is toxic and it is better to keep your distance.

 

 

 

Common characteristics of toxic people

 

Common among toxic people is that they …

  • regularly lie and manipulate to get what they want. Intriguing, starting rumors, gossiping; toxic people will use any means to
  • achieve their own goals, push through opinions and gain an advantage.
  • exploit their kindness
  • not respecting your boundaries
  • belittle you and other people
  • do not encourage you to pursue your goals
  • poison the environment
  • have no regard for other people’s feelings or needs
  • are often angry or aggressive
  • rarely apologize
  • blame others and do not take responsibility for their actions
  • use up their energy
  • have a lot of problems but do not want to change
  • think that rules do not apply to them
  • talk a lot but do not listen
  • are not interested in solutions in the sense of win-win.

 

 

 

10 tips: What to do when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries?

 

Setting boundaries is an ongoing process and there is no quick fix for dealing with people who cross boundaries. We can hardly force someone to respect our boundaries, but we can decide how to respond.

The following ideas can help you choose the best approach for dealing with chronic boundary violators.

 

 

 

1. Clarify

 

Address the behavior to provide an opportunity for clarification. Make it clear what you are concerned about. This has a limited effect on toxic people, but sometimes we are wrong about people ourselves.

 

 

 

2. Consequences

 

Make clear announcements. Say which behavior has which consequences. Only state what you are prepared to do and stick consistently to your announcements.

 

 

 

3. Condition management

 

As hard as it may be, don’t take the behavior too personally. Toxic people live out their deficits. They are unable and unwilling to align themselves with proven interpersonal standards.

If you pay attention to your state management, it will not only be more pleasant, but also more helpful. Then you will make better decisions more confidently. Those who are out of sorts are easier to manipulate and weaker.

 

 

 

4. Negotiate

 

Decide if a boundary is negotiable. Some boundaries are more important than others. Figuring out what you are willing to accept and what you consider unacceptable or non-negotiable will help you decide if you are willing to compromise. Compromise can be a good thing if both people adjust. True compromise does not mean giving up your needs to please someone else or accepting treatment that you consider non-negotiable.

8. Delimitation

 

Practice benevolent demarcation. Delimitation is an alternative to trying to control people and situations. When you are in a state of anxiety, it is understandable that you want to control things to protect yourself. But trying to control other people does not work. When we break free of it, we stop trying to change others and force the outcome we want. You can detach from a narcissistic or toxic person by…

  • leaving physically dangerous or unpleasant situations.
  • responding differently than before. For example, instead of taking something personally or yelling, we can meet a rude comment with humor. This changes the dynamic of the interaction.
  • decline invitations to spend time with such contemporaries.
  • let them make their own decisions and deal with the consequences of those decisions.
  • maintain restraint and do not give unsolicited advice.
  • consciously avoid participating in the same old arguments or staying out of an unproductive conversation or argument.
  • take care of yourself. Setting yourself apart doesn’t mean you don’t care about the person, but rather that you take care of yourself and realistically assess what you can do in a given situation.
  • limit or stop contact. Consider limiting contact or having no contact at all. Sometimes the only way to protect yourself is to stop interacting with toxic people who don’t respect you.
  • limiting or completely cutting off contact is not meant to punish or manipulate others, it is a form of self-care. If someone hurts you physically or emotionally, you owe it to yourself to put enough distance between you and that person. Despite what others may say, you don’t have to have a relationship with people who make you feel bad. Family and friends should lift you and support you, not leave you depressed, anxious, angry, or confused.

 

 

 

9. You have a choice

 

One of the great things about being an adult is that you can make your own decisions. You don’t have to continue to be friends with someone who takes advantage of your kindness or work for someone who criticizes and belittles you nonstop or stay in a relationship with someone who is not good for you.

We have choices. Sometimes we don’t particularly like an option, but it’s important to know that we have them. We are not trapped or powerless.

The decision to end relationships is often painful. Even in abusive relationships, it is not always easy. For practical reasons, it is very often delayed too long. Whether it’s a personal or business relationship, workplace, or any other context; don’t let it go. Life is too short and precious for some time.

 

 

 

 

10. Act

 

Although deep inside it has already arrived that it is unhealthy to continue a contact as before, the necessary step is not taken. If this is the case, you can …

Identify your options, such as distancing yourself physically and emotionally, limiting contact, avoiding meeting a toxic person directly, and practicing self-care.
Choose the best option, even if none of them is ideal. Be careful to respect yourself and your values. Trust your instincts.

 

 

 

Simple answers?

 

Unfortunately, there is usually no easy answer. At times, other people will be unhappy and even angry or offended by your choices. Still, it’s better to set the framework. This may mean not tolerating toxic people in your life any longer. Boundaries are a way to protect yourself from harm and preserve your autonomy and individuality. You deserve to allow yourself to do that.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

2 + 4 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Have you had to deal with toxic people and how did you take care of yourself?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
H:
T: RR
#852

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly?

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly?

Chronic lying of narcissists
Narcissists

Chronic lying by narcissists

 

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly and so often?

Why do so many narcissists lie so brazenly?

 

Narcissists want to compensate for their low self-esteem by exaggerated self-portrayals. Their urge for attention and admiration is very strong and out of control. They, therefore, invent stories to make themselves look great. There can be only one. To make themselves look even better, they devalue other people, make them look bad. Where there is no fault to be found, they stage it. To achieve their goals, they have no restraint when it comes to lying. They seem to believe their lies, even not to consider them as such. What is this all about?

 

 

 

Attention

 

Attention: This article is not about the diagnosis of pathological narcissists, but about avoiding nasty people and not being exploited. For simplification, I call people with clearly narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists in this article.

 

 

 

Only own interests count

 

Narcissists consider other people as objects – as a means to an end – and feel entitled to exploit them. Lies enable narcissists to present a false image of themselves to potential victims. Whether professionally, in business, privately; those who take the bait usually realize too late what the consequences are. The net quickly tightens.

Narcissists know what to do to make their victims lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They get involved in the relationship without realizing the danger that lurks. Once the targets are taken in, narcissists continue to cleverly weave lies with a dash of truth to ensure that their targets continue to play by their rules.

 

 

 

Gaslighting

 

Narcissists also lie by withholding and selecting information. They lie as a form of gaslighting to extend their control over targets by making them constantly question and doubt themselves. They often frequently claim that they value and even love their targets. In doing so, they have little to no inhibitions.

 

 

 

Lack of ability or willingness to empathize

 

Narcissists lie effortlessly and are very convincing because they lack normal human emotions or inhibitions. They are insensitive and bored, lack the willingness to show empathy for others, and feel neither shame nor remorse. This coldness of feeling also allows them to lie with minimal inhibitions.

Narcissists can look people straight in the eye while shamelessly lying to them. In doing so, they do not make a face, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deceptions. It is normal for them to deny lies, make excuses, and project their behavior onto others. Empathy is a means to an end, otherwise just dead weight.

 

 

 

They arouse pity

 

Narcissists also lie to make others feel sorry for them. They are out to abuse others. They exploit the natural desire of many people to help their fellow man. Furthermore, they use deception, sometimes a spark of truth, to create a plethora of fabricated problems. Common attempts at manipulation include faked illnesses and injuries, car accidents, and thefts. More often, they suffer at the hands of supposedly mean and even crazy people, such as ex-partners, former victims. The others are always responsible. In this way, they want to gain advantages and distract from their mean behavior.

 

 

 

Pathological chronic lying

 

Narcissists can be very cunning, sly, and resourceful in inventing lies. They are manipulative, deceitful, and unscrupulous to alienate their victims and influence observers. They start by lying about themselves, then move on to lying about their ex, their career, and their accomplishments. They lie about their feelings for you to quickly win you over and keep you loyal. Chances are that lies about you will then follow once you see through the game and want to leave.

 

 

 

Attempts to clarify

 

When asked about lies, further lies are to be expected from narcissists. Hindsight is unlikely, and they often fight exposure with all their might.

 

 

 

So what?

 

The sooner you recognize the deceitful game, the better. Find out how to recognize narcissists and how to protect yourself. Stay mindful.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

1 + 15 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly and so often?​?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
H:
T: RR
#852

Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques

Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques

How to protect yourself from being manipulated
Manipulation

This is how you identify manipulation techniques

 

Discover how to recognize manipulation and choose counter-strategies. Here are descriptions of eleven types of manipulation techniques including body language.

What is manipulation?

 

The term manipulation has different, sometimes more, and sometimes less negative meanings. This article is about targeted and covert influence aimed at controlling perceptions, decisions, and the behavior of individuals and groups. This can be done with good or bad intentions. Manipulate means for most people to manage or influence skillfully, especially in a manner that seems to be unfair:

 

 

 

What possibilities of protection exist?

 

The first step is to identify the most common manipulation techniques. Then you can choose and use the appropriate counter-strategies.

 

 

 

How can manipulation attempts be identified?

 

The most essential requirement – to protect yourself from manipulation – is to know yourself well. Then you can interpret a possible gut feeling without detours.

We are especially manipulable when we are uncertain. Point!

Okay, I’ll decorate it a bit more, but that’s the core message: Someone who rests in himself is harder to manipulate! Many manipulation techniques are based on sowing doubt, making others feel guilty, or taking advantage of low self-confidence.

 

 

 

The 11 most common manipulation techniques

 

Let’s start with the different manipulation techniques in detail. Which manipulation techniques do exist?

Here is a selection:

  1. The principle of reciprocity
  2. Exclusivity/scarcity
  3. The persistence trap
  4. Herd instinct
  5. The friendship trick
  6. The authority trap
  7. Repetition
  8. Emotional tricks
  9. Selective information
  10. Killer phrases
  11. The fear trap

 

 

 

1. The principle of reciprocity

 

With small favors, other people can be guilty. That’s a popular way of manipulation. Living together is mutual. As long as the principle of reciprocity leads to a largely balanced exchange, everyone benefits from it. Thus, the reflex of responding to a gift with a gift is deeply rooted in many people. However, the connection between giving and taking can also be exploited. For example, investing one easy favor on another makes one feel obligated and desirous of reciprocating. Frequently, the response does not correspond to the actual intention in other circumstances.

Unfortunately, the experience of being manipulated in such a way often leads to a profound reluctance to accept a favor from other people in the future.

As with all other attempts at manipulation, coexistence becomes more difficult when people feel manipulated. Too bad, because small gifts are good for human relationships. As long as these mechanisms are not unilaterally abused, the principle of reciprocity benefits everyone.

 

Examples:

 

  • If a small favor of a colleague is accepted there are then inhibitions to reject the request for an inappropriate favor.
  • Beggars with flowers, who first give away a withered flower and then demand a donation, for which one could buy a whole bouquet of fresh spring flowers.
  • A harmless variant that uses the principle: There are higher tips if the waiter puts a candy next to the bill.

 

 

 

2. Exclusivity/scarcity

 

While stocks last! Not only the spectators of the teleshopping channels succumb to the fascination of scarcity. It is easy to get the impression that offers that are almost always sold out must be particularly worthwhile. Otherwise, they would not be so popular, right? The bottleneck is usually homemade to manipulate and make something more attractive than it is. Again, it helps to understand your own needs, instead of being pressured. Reject inappropriate calls without a guilty conscience!

 

Examples:

 

  • Special editions
  • Auctions
  • Sale, special offer, special occasion. The impending loss of freedom to make a decision urges people to choose the option, even if it has not been a priority so far.

 

 

 

3. The persistence trap

 

The “foot-in-the-door technique” entices to take the first step in a certain direction. This happens, for example, by asking for a small favor. This favor serves as a door opener. People are then much easier to persuade. Sometimes it is enough to ask someone to take a look at a task for a moment and then ask them afterward if they take over the task completely. This persistence trap significantly increases the probability that we say yes. People tend to be consistent.

In other words, once a person has taken a commitment, he or she is more willing to comply with requests that are consistent with it. “He who said A must also say B” or “what has been started must also be brought to an end. This often works but is nonsense. Pay attention to your gut feeling; Do you want that?

 

Examples:

 

  • During the Milgram experiment, this principle was also used. Initially, subjects were asked to administer harmless surges. This was then slowly increased, so it was harder to get out.
  • Fundraising collections that ask for a signature and then a donation.
  • Colleagues ask you to read something first and then ask for help.
  • Sales events with friends

 

 

 

4. Herd instinct

 

Holy crap: Billions of flies can not be wrong … Even humans are herd animals. What many others do and approve of is considered proof of correctness. As we know from the lemmings, this is not always recommended in practice. It’s not that easy with group intelligence. So beware of purchased references and peer pressure.

The safer you are, what is important to you, the harder you are to manipulate.

 

Examples:

 

  • Haha! In shallow TV series and talk shows recorded laughter ensures that the audience also laughs.
  • A company describes its product as the best-selling. Well then …
  • “Wollt Ihr den totalen Krieg?” (Do you want total war?) To this question in the speech of Joseph Goebbels of 1943 probably no mentally healthy person would have answered with “Yes”.

 

 

 

5. Friendship trick

 

Pleasant, nice to meet you. For people who are sympathetic to us, it is much harder to deny wishes. That makes use of the friendship trick. It creates a pleasant atmosphere first. This creates a basis for influencing the manipulator. Experienced observers recognize the overly conspicuous techniques for the promotion of rapport, such as the mirroring of body language, statements, etc.

 

Examples:

 

  • The cliché of the used car dealer in TV series agrees with the customer during the small talk, coincidentally has the same hobbies, etc.
  • Excessive praise.
  • Trying to anchor good states.
  • The exaggerated imitation of verbal language, body language, and statements.

 

 

 

6. The authority trap

 

I am Professor Dr. hc. Trickster.

The authority and the expert trick are based on combining a convincing appearance with credible-sounding arguments that are not always true. This works especially well if we have no authority in the relevant field.

Authority can also be borrowed. Some manipulators hide behind other supposed authorities. This often has the purpose to prevent openly expressed doubts. A particularly striking example of this is the electric shock experiment by Stanley Milgram. In experiments, more than 60 percent of the authority-led participants were willing to administer surgeries to supposed participants who would have been deadly in reality. And that, although the supposed participants groaned after every impulse, screaming in pain and begging, the experiment may be ended. No mercy, the expert said …

Knowledge is power? Yes! So in case of doubt, inform yourself! And that’s especially true when you encounter resistance. How real is the expert status if he refuses to prove the correctness of statements or if we want to inform ourselves? The alarm bells should ring!

 

Examples:

 

  • Acquisition and use of titles.
  • Status symbols like expensive cars, luxury watches, etc.
  • The dentist or the wife of the dentist in advertising for tooth cream.
  • The quality seal of a more or less prestigious institute.
  • The reference to the result of a well-known management consultancy.
  • American scientists have found out …
  • The colleague who claims that the management wants …

 

 

 

7. Repetition

 

Through constant repetition, we can be manipulated. It is often tried to increase the credibility of a statement by the constant repetition as in brainwashing. As the number of repetitions of an assertion tends to increase, the willingness to accept an assertion as true tends to increase. Through repetition, a notoriety effect occurs that causes us to adopt a familiar friendly attitude. Yes, we humans are quite vulnerable.

 

Examples:

 

  • Advertising messages are repeated very often.
  • Brand symbols that are placed at sporting events etc. in as many places as possible.
  • Repetition of messages in presentations.

 

 

 

8. Emotional tricks

 

Appealing to a person’s feelings is often more effective than turning to their reason. Concerns that are likely to fail at the logical level can sometimes be enforced on the emotional level. This is often used to eliminate our logical decision-making ability.

 

Examples:

 

  • Sad photographs at a fundraiser.
  • Horror scenarios in sales talks with the solution by a particularly expensive product.
  • Creating feelings of guilt to reduce self-esteem followed by a request (emotional blackmail).
  • To appeal to vanity.
  • Donation or hell as in the Middle Ages

 

 

 

9. Selective information

 

The exposure or omission of relevant information is very often used for manipulation. Even the line between truth and lies still offers a lot of leeway for liars. Sometimes this latitude is even used with good intentions, but it is a delicate step to the dark side.

Education offers some protection, as well as own research, as far as information is available. Good listening provides unintentional hints. Whereby sometimes the missing statements are more informative than the voluntarily expressed information. The exploration of possible interests of the manipulators also provides clues and urges caution.

 

Examples:

 

  • Propaganda
  • Study reports with predetermined goals
  • Lobbyism

 

 

 

10. The killer phrases

 

Ouch, what a painful argument! Killer phrases are attempts to manipulate individuals or groups by ostracizing any further treatment of a topic. Killer phrases are to be discovered as such and may not distract you. Killer phrases are taboo!

 

Examples:

 

  • We have always done this way!
  • That’s not possible anyway!
  • That’s none of our business.
  • If I were you, I would say so.

 

 

 

11. The fear trap

 

Even those who consider themselves relatives of Vulcanian Commander Spock are rarely truly objective in their perception and decision-making. We, humans, are very guided by feelings. That’s why manipulative people like to foster fears. They exaggerate the unpleasant consequences and if possible give the impression of time pressure. This works particularly well in large groups, in which less swarm intelligence rather than mass hysteria dominates.

 

Examples:

  • It may be too late tomorrow.
  • Imagine …
  • If you don’t accept the chance, who could forgive you for not acting?

Do you want to expand your knowledge and skills?

 

If you want to expand your knowledge and skills, come to my training and I’ll show you how to identify, ward off and even use advanced manipulation techniques yourself. I recommend 2 to 5 hours for this worthwhile topic.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

14 + 4 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Do you recognize efforts to manipulate you?

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. Albert Schweitzer

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 20, 2016
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: October 6, 2021
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/manipulationstechniken-erkennen/
K:
Ü: Review required
#131484

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

What relationship do narcissistic parents have with their children?
Narcissists and leadership

Narcissists as parents

 

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

Parents with clear narcissistic tendencies

 

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

 

 

 

Parenting

 

Parents with narcissistic tendencies tend to overvalue their children. They see their children primarily as extensions of themselves. Because they themselves are so incredibly awesome, their children must be as well. How could it be otherwise? These parents elevate their children to a podium. This is how they hope to get indirect admiration. Such narcissists raise narcissists.

If parents overestimate their children’s abilities, they believe they are special and better than other children. They want their children to stand out from the crowd. This is then adopted and thus characteristics are developed that are typical of narcissists.

 

 

 

Do narcissistic parents always lead to narcissistic offspring?

 

Many people with narcissistic parents worry if they themselves are narcissists. The good news is; then probably not! Read more in the article Help, am I a narcissist? 8 clues that you are not a narcissist. However, such experiences do not pass people by without leaving a trace. It often leaves scars and the need to work very carefully on yourself and take care of yourself.

 

 

 

Do narcissists love their children?

 

Especially in coaching, the question is rarely asked so directly, at least not at the beginning. Many of my clients are already parents themselves and in many ways are mature individuals. But the sting sits deep, the question gnaws at the soul. And it does so regardless of whether the offspring is still at the beginning or is already a successful CEO with great influence.

My opinion on this: Neither the understanding nor the behavior of narcissists comes very close to the understanding of love. They attach everything to conditions, it is not about the human being in itself. Narcissists consider offspring at best as an extension of their wonderful appearance on this planet. Expecting genuine appreciation and respect from them makes offspring more susceptible to manipulation and does not lead to satisfaction. It is simply not interesting for narcissists.

 

 

 

Risks

 

As long as narcissists perceive offspring as an extension of themselves they are more generous. If this reason ceases to exist, then there is little reason to hold back. Then narcissistic parents can become extremely mean. Even then, they are convinced it is necessary to make their position clear and to protect themselves. They believe this even when they attack.

 

 

 

Impact

 

Narcissistic parents have consequences. The scars do not heal easily, often never. This can affect interpersonal relationships, professional and personal. The injury to the soul costs quality of life. Depending on how severe the injuries are, positive experiences can contribute to healing.

There is not always enough distance in later years. For example, if there are dependencies and the narcissist’s influence continues well beyond youth. With family businesses, this is a regular challenge.

Either way; get help if you can benefit from it. I offer this in the form of coaching and also as therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

12 + 9 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What do you think about narcissistic parents?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissmus-eltern-kinder-liebe-beziehung/
K:
H:
T: RR
#498

Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

Yes or no?
Narcissists and leadership

Narcissists

 

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

Compassion for narcissists?

 

In articles, lectures, coaching, therapy, and even consulting for companies, I advocate for people who suffer from narcissists. So I’m asked frequently – sometimes even hostilely – if I don’t feel sorry for narcissists.

 

 

 

Attention

 

Caution: This article is not about diagnosing pathological narcissists, but about avoiding nasty people and not letting them take advantage of you. For simplicity, I call people with clear narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists in these articles.

 

 

 

Not so easy

 

The very listing of typical characteristics of narcissistic personalities does not make it easy to feel sorry for narcissists. Narcissists too often leave a mess behind. Narcissists are opportunistic and resentful, they are arrogant and convey inferiority to those around them. Their motto is: “I only defend myself, even when I attack!”. They do not listen or only if they hope to gain an advantage. They know everything better, deceive, cheat, manipulate, stage themselves as victims when necessary and the actual victims as perpetrators. Narcissists are ungrateful, those who do not acknowledge their divinity thus only prove their own stupidity. They expect luxury, even if the pockets are empty, the others should limit themselves. They are dazzlers and behind the facade it becomes disappointing. They expect loyalty without granting any themselves. Morality is only important in terms of not getting caught. Narcissists are even proud when they manage to get away with questionable behavior. Me, me, me. Vanity is common. Criticism is lavishly given, but not accepted themselves. They consider people who follow rules to be stupid. Given the power, they turn out to be bullies.

I could go on for a while about the damage narcissistic personalities can cause. And they very often do. I deal with sufferers on a daily basis and it is painful to listen. Life partners, business partners, investors, employees, … many can sing a song about how much suffering narcissists can create.

 

 

 

Compassion for narcissists

 

Take a breath: as a therapist and empathetic person, I feel sorry for narcissists. Narcissists do not have happy lives; their craving for recognition is a prison from which they cannot escape. It is a punishment for life, narcissism is not curable. But as a therapist I don’t feel called to work with narcissists, I don’t have the impression that this is desired and somehow worthwhile. So other therapists may take care of that.

 

 

 

Decision

 

The people I deal with have often been put in uncomfortable situations by narcissists. And these people I support because they can use and appreciate it.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

4 + 15 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Do you have compassion for narcissists?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/zu-ist-zuviel-umgang-mit-narzissten/
K:
H:
T: RR
#398

Narcissists in leadership positions

Narcissists in leadership positions

The first impression is misleading, narcissists cause damage.
Narcissists and leadership

Narcissists in leadership positions

 

Why are so many narcissists in leadership positions and what are the consequences?

Narcissists in leading positions

 

There is a disproportionate number of narcissists in leadership positions. The desire for dominance and the willingness to make the necessary effort to impress relevant people are typical of narcissism. However, the glamorous appearance is deceptive, narcissistic personalities cause damage.

For this article, I am referring to narcissism as defined by a group of personality traits rather than as a clinical disorder per se.

 

 

 

Willingness to take risks

 

A common strength of narcissistic personalities is their uncompromising will to achieve results. Their lack of self-reflection does not allow them to be risk-conscious. This is how they push projects and innovations forward.

 

 

 

Public image

 

Narcissistic personalities spent more time and energy worrying about how they are perceived.

With their appearance, narcissists can be captivating. In good forms or moments, narcissists can succeed in providing orientation and inspiration to other people. Because they pay a lot of attention to their external presentation, they often end up in a leading position.

 

 

 

A high proportion of top positions

 

What actual share narcissists have in the top positions is difficult to estimate. There are many indications that there are a lot of narcissists. The proportion of people with narcissistic tendencies in leadership positions is likely to be well above the overall average in the population. Narcissists actively pursue leadership positions and are likely to be selected by others. They are naturally more status-oriented and value power.

 

 

 

Narcissism and narcissists

 

Their appearance, sometimes perceived as charisma, can be very inspiring. Behind the deceptive facade, however, a difficult person is often hidden. If you read the article 36 indications to identify narcissists you will probably have some aha-moments.

It may be that narcissistic traits, when not extreme, and when balanced by other character strengths, have also positive effects. When narcissism is extreme, combined with other negative personality traits, and when it results in leaders making decisions that put their company, employees, constituents, or followers at risk or mislead them, or when a leader’s narcissism makes him unable to take responsibility or prioritize others’ needs above his own, then the costs of narcissism will outweigh any benefits.

 

 

 

Consequences

 

Someone probably had reasons why a narcissistic personality got into a leadership position. People with narcissistic structures do not only bring disadvantages. Not all narcissists are incompetent. Some projects benefit greatly from narcissists. However, they often cause tremendous damage that is often only noticed after a time delay.

Since they are not able to maintain real relationships of trust and accept feedback, their view is very limited. The lack of social skills and the overestimation of their abilities have consequences.

Organizations may think that there is nothing wrong with having narcissists in leadership roles. But the risks of narcissism are generally underestimated. Even the benefits of narcissism disappear during difficult and complex times and many leaders display much more than a little amount of narcissism. The awareness of the causes and consequences of narcissistic personalities is still lacking.

 

 

 

Narcissists in leadership positions

 

In the beginning, narcissists present themselves as enrichment. They disguise themselves to those people with whom they want to make a good impression, as long as it is beneficial to them. Then they take off their mask more and more often and the damage becomes bigger and bigger. A leader’s narcissism can result in decisions that are at odds with the needs and well being of those affected by these decisions.

Mostly those persons who could intervene are still too dazzled by the self-portrayal and the promises made. If the true character is recognized, it is usually very late.

 

 

 

What to do?

 

What can you do when people in leadership positions turn out to be narcissists?

You could start by looking at the article with 30 tips for communicating with narcissists. Dealing with narcissists. Too much is too much!. Then you can look for support in dealing with narcissists. And do it quickly, because it is easier to prevent problems than to correct them. Narcissists are extremely sensitive and never forget even supposed shame. Narcissistic personalities perceive even comprehensible constructive feedback as a personal insult and want to take revenge for such insolence. And yet they know little inhibitions.

 

 

 

Challenges

 

Much of what is useful in other situations for good communication and relationship building exacerbates situations in which narcissists are involved. In interpersonal conflicts, narcissists do not go to work fairly. If they consider it necessary, they also accept their disadvantages. This can cause considerable damage, can ruin drive whole companies and the people involved.

 

 

 

Professional support

 

If you are looking for professional support regarding communication and decision-making, feel free to ask me. For legal questions, please contact the appropriate experts. I am here for you to take into account the communicative and psychological aspects.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

12 + 7 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What thoughts come to your mind on the subject? Have you encountered narcissists in leadership positions? What experience have you had with narcissists?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-in-fuehrungspositionen/
K:
H:
T: RR
#398

Help, am I a narcissist? 8 indications that you are not a narcissist

Help, am I a narcissist? 8 indications that you are not a narcissist

Narcissists

Are you a narcissist?

 

Do you wonder if you are a narcissist yourself? Here are 8 indications that you are not a narcissist.

 

Help, am I a narcissist?

 

Those who have suffered from narcissists and have become aware of the issue tend to have additional concerns. Often the question gnaws at them whether they are narcissists themselves.

This is very common when one parent has strong narcissistic tendencies. In principle, the worry is a good sign, because narcissists do not see this as a problem.

 

 

 

Indications that you are not a narcissist

 

Probably everyone has qualities in themselves that suit narcissists. Quantity and combination cause toxicity.

Here in a nutshell a few hints that you are not a narcissist:

 

 

 

1. Friends

 

You have honest friends. Your friends may also give you uncomfortable feedback without being removed from your contact list. Narcissists have admirers around them at best.

 

 

 

2. You listen

 

You listen because you care about other people and their needs.

 

 

 

3. Authenticity

 

You are authentic. Narcissists deceive and masquerade when it matters. As trained manipulators, narcissists know how to get their environment to do what they want.

 

 

 

4. You do like people

 

You know, other people are an enrichment for the world.

 

 

5. You can ask for help

 

You ask other people for help when needed and you let yourself be supported. Narcissists have the wisdom for themselves and accept only stooges and no experts.

 

 

 

6. Benevolence and the ability to enjoy the happiness of other people

 

You can be happy for other people. Narcissists are jealous when other people achieve or possess something that, from their point of view, only they are entitled to.

 

 

 

7. the ability to accept criticism

 

You are willing to admit your mistakes and apologize honestly. Narcissists do not allow their flawless self to get a dent.

 

 

 

8. Eye-level

 

You meet other people at eye level and can delegate responsibility if necessary. The ability to act as a team player is a clear indication not to have too dominant narcissistic tendencies.

Still no all-clear, tangible relief?

 

Individual criteria that belong to the overall picture of a narcissist can be found in many people. Narcissists, under whom people suffer, usually fulfill a variety or even almost all criteria.

Are you honestly worried about being a narcissist? Then it is highly likely that you aren’t!

Read 36 tips for identifying narcissists and 30 tips for communicating with narcissists. If you want help in dealing with narcissists, you can find more information here.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

8 + 2 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What experiences do have you with narcissists? Do you found signs to have elements of a narcissist?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 21st, 2022
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#339

Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

Dealing with difficult personalities
Difficult personalities

Narcissists and feedback

 

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism. They react offended and insulted because this could damage their self-image. At least inwardly they react angrily. However, anger can also easily lead to significant aggression.

Feedback and narcissists

When you express criticism to narcissists, they experience it like a massive physical attack. For narcissists, it feels like the destruction of their person. Depending on the relationship and context, the reaction is usually very exaggerated. This happens sooner or later. Sometimes the response can happen even much later when you no longer expect it. It can be overt or covert. However, one result is quite certain: narcissists do not forget even accidental attacks. They want revenge at any price.

 

 

 

Is it worth it?

 

Even from your point of view, harmless and constructive feedback will be resented by narcissists. They perceive something like this as an insult and take it personally. So, be careful and exercise extreme tact and sensitivity, just as a bomb disposal expert would.
Before you address issues, think about whether you want to do this despite the risks. Insight is usually not to be expected from narcissists. Depending on the situation, you should at best expect hypocritical insight, excuses, blame, or emotional reactions such as outbursts of rage.

 

 

 

Emotional reactions

 

Stay calm during outbursts of rage by narcissists. It is part of the preferred behavioral repertoire of narcissistic personalities. Such people know how to manipulate others. Learn to recognize their manipulation techniques.

 

 

 

Caution

 

If, despite the risks, you dare to criticize a narcissist, then wrap it up well. Feed narcissists with a lot of acceptable praise. The subsequent criticism should be given in small doses. Do you find this exhausting? So do I!

In any case, there is one thing you can forget about: changing narcissistic personalities. You won’t bring them to insights or establish a relationship at eye level. These are pointless attempts.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

1 + 14 =

Remarks:

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What experience have you had with narcissists?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 21st, 2022
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/zu-ist-zuviel-umgang-mit-narzissten/
K:
H:
T: RR
#339

Therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists

Therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists

Psychological help for people who have suffered or are suffering from narcissists
Narcissists

Consequences of narcissism

 

Again and again, I help people who suffer or have suffered from narcissists. Mostly it is about preparing communication for problematic situations and making good decisions (on my part of course without legal advice!).

Narcissistic abuse

 

Narcissistic abuse is the term used to describe the harmful behavior of narcissistic people. Many people primarily think of violence as physical violence. However, verbal and emotional violence can also cause deep wounds. This is also violence!

Depending on the situation, many affected people hesitate for a very long time until they seek practical, legal, and emotional help.

Possible people to contact are coaches, lawyers, therapists, and counseling centers. Unfortunately, narcissists very often succeed in thwarting such attempts to escape. They know how to assert their interests through manipulation. With appropriate support, it is easier to take good care of oneself. The reward is a fulfilling, self-determined life. The journey to this goal requires courage. It is good to have support.

 

 

 

Mental consequences of narcissistic abuse

 

People who suffer from narcissists have to cope with different consequences. Common consequences include:

 

  • Feelings of guilt
  • Loss of self-esteem and the associated loss of access to inner and outer competencies, talents, and skills
  • Loss of confidence in your perception of reality states of confusion and emptiness in the head
  • Anxiety and panic attacks
  • Post-traumatic stress disorder with nightmares, jitteriness, escape, and avoidance tendencies.
  • Depression
  • Obsessive-compulsive disorders
  • Exhaustion syndromes like Burn Out
  • Physical symptoms for which no physical cause can be identified
  • Confusion, disorientation, and depersonalization syndromes
  • Antisocial behavioral problems
  • Higher tendency to substance-related addictions (alcohol and anxiety-relieving tablets)
  • Those who have been subjected to narcissistic abuse are more likely to develop an anxiety-preventing, dependent, or narcissistic personality structure or disorder.
  • Chronic states of tension

 

 

 

Therapeutic help

 

As a coach, I support you with your communication and decisions, also in the context of narcissistic personalities. As a therapist, I am here to help you to free yourself from the emotional impact that results from contact with narcissists. I am specialized in anxiety and anxiety disorders.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

7 + 14 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Do you have any questions about narcissism and narcissists?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
H:
T: RR
#852

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