You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

You should know Godwin's Law in order not to fall into the trap

Identifying manipulations: Godwin's Law and similar tricks. Unfair comparisons with Nazi and ....
This will improve your assertiveness

Godwin’s Law

 

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

Godwin’s Law

 

As an online discussion grows longer, the probability of a comparison involving Nazis or Hitler approaches one.

Mike Godwin

 

 

Godwin considers this desperate recourse the obvious very last attempt to win the discussion at least in sympathy by the audience. In substance, the discussion has thus already been lost.

Godwin’s Law is named after the author and lawyer Mike Godwin. He argues that the longer a discussion goes on, the more likely it is that someone will try to make a reference to the Nazi era or a comparison with Adolf Hitler. With this he wanted to promote more objective discussions on Usenet. Usenet? The search engine you trust will help. As with Murphy’s Law, Godwin’s Law is also laced with a hint of irony. But practice often confirms the thesis in many situations.

Godwin considers this desperate recourse the obvious very last attempt to win the discussion at least in sympathy by the audience. In substance, the discussion has thus already been lost.

 

 

 

Application

 

While Godwin’s Law was originally developed for discussions in Usenet newsgroups, the humorous rule still applies to all threaded online discussions, such as those in message boards, chat rooms, comment threads, and wikis. Since the early days of online discussions, Godwin’s Law has been used as an indicator of whether a thread is going on too long, who is playing fair and who is just throwing mud, and who is ultimately “winning” the discussion.

 

 

 

Reasonableness

 

Mike Godwin has indicated that he does not reject comparisons to Hitler in principle, especially if they can help prevent the next Holocaust. However, he said, it is important to him that such comparisons be historically tenable. On closer examination, that is probably not the case most of the time. Comparisons are often drawn by the hair. Corresponding audiences then generate unpleasant pressure, which is just fine with the manipulators. The instrumentalized audience only pays attention to its topic and overlooks connections and consequences. A fair consideration and discussion, which actually serves the formation of opinion, has so no chance. In addition, the inflationary comparisons desensitize people, and their vigilance for actual dangers decreases.

Whether the hostility is in one’s own interest or not, insults do damage.

 

 

 

Variants

 

There are always attempts to replace viable arguments with untenable comparisons and hypocritical outrage. These attempts at manipulation are frequently not recognizable as such to uninitiated observers. Those who look closely can see how blatantly this is sometimes done. No one can seriously see it that way, can they? As if!

The risk of negative momentum is considerable nowadays due to the Internet – one way or another. Whether justified or not, when interest groups are riled up in this way, the angry mob builds up half-knowledge and a readiness to lynch, which can become tricky. Not every storm of controversy is based on facts, or at least the overall view.

Echo chambers and filter bubbles have consequences. It’s one thing with swarm intelligence, the angry mob first tar and feathers and then possibly does the fact check later.

 

 

 

What to do?

 

When it comes to speeches, presentations, important conversations and written contributions, it is important to consider the risks. Those who care about personal impact and message will be as meticulous as possible about ambiguities and potential points of irritation. Bruises can be avoided by analyzing and avoiding words and phrases that could lead to misuse.

Risks can be reduced, but unfortunately there is no such thing as absolute security. Too often, someone can be found who will sell their soul to assert their interests.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

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What thoughts do you have about the topic? How willing are you to prepare and commit to your message?

Articles

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

Those who want, misunderstand us

Those who want, misunderstand us

Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
18 tips to increase your assertiveness

18 tips to increase your assertiveness

Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.

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How you doin’? Talking about diseases

How you doin’? Talking about diseases

The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious illness?

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Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: April 30, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: April 30, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/schluesselkompetenz-durchsetzungskraft/
K:
H:
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#221

Narcissists & Co.: 10 tips to set boundaries for toxic people

Narcissists & Co.: 10 Tips to Set Boundaries for Toxic People

How to protect yourself from toxic people
Narcissists

Setting boundaries for toxic people

 

What to do when toxic people cross boundaries? Here are suggestions you can use to set clear boundaries for such contemporaries.

Setting boundaries for toxic people

 

It is usually not easy to set boundaries with toxic people, but it is all the more necessary. Boundaries are part of taking care of ourselves. When we set clear boundaries early on, we are less likely to be angry and resentful because our needs are taken care of. Boundaries make our expectations clear so others know what to expect from us and how we want to be treated. Boundaries are one of the foundations of functioning relationships – professional and personal.

 

 

 

Why set boundaries?

 

 

Ideally, people respect our boundaries if we communicate them enough. However, some people resist our efforts to set boundaries; they argue, blame, ignore, manipulate, threaten or hurt us emotionally or physically. And while we can’t stop people from acting this way, we can learn to set clear boundaries and take care of ourselves.

 

 

 

Learning to set boundaries

 

Setting boundaries consists of three steps.

 

 

1st step 1

 

Identify your boundaries. Be clear about what you need before you go about communicating or enforcing the boundary.

 

 

 

2nd step

 

Communicate your boundaries or expectations, calmly, and consistently. Stick to the facts without over-explaining, blaming, or getting defensive.

 

 

 

3rd step

 

If your boundaries are not respected, review your options and take consistent action.

 

 

 

Focus

 

This post focuses on the third step; what we can do when our boundaries are not respected.

 

 

 

Who are toxic people?

 

Toxic people are people who are destructive and make us feel worse when we are around them. Gut feelings usually indicate pretty quickly if someone is toxic and it is better to keep your distance.

 

 

 

Common characteristics of toxic people

 

Common among toxic people is that they …

  • regularly lie and manipulate to get what they want. Intriguing, starting rumors, gossiping; toxic people will use any means to
  • achieve their own goals, push through opinions and gain an advantage.
  • exploit their kindness
  • not respecting your boundaries
  • belittle you and other people
  • do not encourage you to pursue your goals
  • poison the environment
  • have no regard for other people’s feelings or needs
  • are often angry or aggressive
  • rarely apologize
  • blame others and do not take responsibility for their actions
  • use up their energy
  • have a lot of problems but do not want to change
  • think that rules do not apply to them
  • talk a lot but do not listen
  • are not interested in solutions in the sense of win-win.

 

 

 

10 tips: What to do when someone doesn’t respect your boundaries?

 

Setting boundaries is an ongoing process and there is no quick fix for dealing with people who cross boundaries. We can hardly force someone to respect our boundaries, but we can decide how to respond.

The following ideas can help you choose the best approach for dealing with chronic boundary violators.

 

 

 

1. Clarify

 

Address the behavior to provide an opportunity for clarification. Make it clear what you are concerned about. This has a limited effect on toxic people, but sometimes we are wrong about people ourselves.

 

 

 

2. Consequences

 

Make clear announcements. Say which behavior has which consequences. Only state what you are prepared to do and stick consistently to your announcements.

 

 

 

3. Condition management

 

As hard as it may be, don’t take the behavior too personally. Toxic people live out their deficits. They are unable and unwilling to align themselves with proven interpersonal standards.

If you pay attention to your state management, it will not only be more pleasant, but also more helpful. Then you will make better decisions more confidently. Those who are out of sorts are easier to manipulate and weaker.

 

 

 

4. Negotiate

 

Decide if a boundary is negotiable. Some boundaries are more important than others. Figuring out what you are willing to accept and what you consider unacceptable or non-negotiable will help you decide if you are willing to compromise. Compromise can be a good thing if both people adjust. True compromise does not mean giving up your needs to please someone else or accepting treatment that you consider non-negotiable.

8. Delimitation

 

Practice benevolent demarcation. Delimitation is an alternative to trying to control people and situations. When you are in a state of anxiety, it is understandable that you want to control things to protect yourself. But trying to control other people does not work. When we break free of it, we stop trying to change others and force the outcome we want. You can detach from a narcissistic or toxic person by…

  • leaving physically dangerous or unpleasant situations.
  • responding differently than before. For example, instead of taking something personally or yelling, we can meet a rude comment with humor. This changes the dynamic of the interaction.
  • decline invitations to spend time with such contemporaries.
  • let them make their own decisions and deal with the consequences of those decisions.
  • maintain restraint and do not give unsolicited advice.
  • consciously avoid participating in the same old arguments or staying out of an unproductive conversation or argument.
  • take care of yourself. Setting yourself apart doesn’t mean you don’t care about the person, but rather that you take care of yourself and realistically assess what you can do in a given situation.
  • limit or stop contact. Consider limiting contact or having no contact at all. Sometimes the only way to protect yourself is to stop interacting with toxic people who don’t respect you.
  • limiting or completely cutting off contact is not meant to punish or manipulate others, it is a form of self-care. If someone hurts you physically or emotionally, you owe it to yourself to put enough distance between you and that person. Despite what others may say, you don’t have to have a relationship with people who make you feel bad. Family and friends should lift you and support you, not leave you depressed, anxious, angry, or confused.

 

 

 

9. You have a choice

 

One of the great things about being an adult is that you can make your own decisions. You don’t have to continue to be friends with someone who takes advantage of your kindness or work for someone who criticizes and belittles you nonstop or stay in a relationship with someone who is not good for you.

We have choices. Sometimes we don’t particularly like an option, but it’s important to know that we have them. We are not trapped or powerless.

The decision to end relationships is often painful. Even in abusive relationships, it is not always easy. For practical reasons, it is very often delayed too long. Whether it’s a personal or business relationship, workplace, or any other context; don’t let it go. Life is too short and precious for some time.

 

 

 

 

10. Act

 

Although deep inside it has already arrived that it is unhealthy to continue a contact as before, the necessary step is not taken. If this is the case, you can …

Identify your options, such as distancing yourself physically and emotionally, limiting contact, avoiding meeting a toxic person directly, practicing self-care.
Choose the best option, even if none of them are ideal.
Be careful to respect yourself and your values.
Trust your instincts.

 

 

 

Simple answers?

 

Unfortunately, there is usually no easy answer. At times, other people will be unhappy and even angry or offended by your choices. Still, it’s better to set the framework. This may mean not tolerating toxic people in your life any longer. Boundaries are a way to protect yourself from harm and preserve your autonomy and individuality. You deserve to allow yourself to do that.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

14 + 14 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Have you had to deal with toxic people and how did you take care of yourself?

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What to do when toxic people cross boundaries? Here are suggestions you can use to set clear boundaries for such contemporaries.

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In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

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This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
H:
T: RR
#852

Beware of manipulation: Intentional mirroring in conversations

Beware of manipulation: Intentional mirroring in conversations

How to protect yourself from being manipulated
Manipulation

Intentional mirroring in conversations

 

Intentional mirroring is the deliberate imitation of other people to make them feel good. It serves to promote rapport and can also be used against the interests of the mirrored.

Overview

The language is given to man to hide his thoughts.

Charles Maurice de Talleyrand

Birds of a feather flock together

 

Surprisingly fast some people are likable, without it being really clear why. In the presence of such people, we simply feel comfortable, so that we seek their presence. In a shorter time than normal, we gain confidence. But it can be, that we deceive ourselves badly. Perhaps it is due to appropriate techniques, such as deliberate mirroring.

When people are of the same mind, they show similar posture, similar gestures, and their behavior also resembles each other amazingly.

Intentional mirroring is the deliberate imitation of other people to make them feel comfortable. It is used to promote rapport and can be used in the interests of the mirrored and also against their interests. It is therefore a technique with the intention of manipulation. Some contemporaries use this circumstance for it also, in order to deceive other humans, to manipulate and exploit. They study and copy the peculiarities, such as the language, opinions, body language, mirror the behavior. Speech rate, gestures, body position, facial expressions, volume, or breathing are mirrored and in this way they make their victims feel comfortable. They are then easier to influence.

 

 

 

 

NLP

 

In Neuro-linguistic Programming mirroring is called pacing. This technique is basically quite simple, and after it is taught in basic training, conversational partners are mimicked for practice. For it to work, the application must be quite subtle. In the zeal and lack of sensitivity, however, many interlocutors are so obviously mirrored that they feel aped and made fun of. Then it has exactly the opposite effect, generates aggression, and leads to the deterioration or even the termination of communication.

 

 

 

 

However…

 

These techniques can also be used to ensure that sufficient rapport is fostered despite difficult initial conditions, thus enabling positive developments. It is like with all tools, a double-edged sword. Opportunities and risks are close together. Without moral aptitude, the best technique degenerates into something bad.

 

 

 

It is also a natural phenomenon

 

In body language, this is referred to as “mirroring”; in English, it is called “mirroring”. The unconscious variant is a natural behavior of people. People who are close and familiar with each other do it all by themselves.

Do you want to expand your knowledge and skills?

 

If you want to expand your knowledge and skills, come to my training, and I’ll show you how to identify, ward off and even use advanced manipulation techniques yourself. I recommend 2 to 5 hours for this worthwhile topic.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

15 + 7 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Have you already become acquainted with this technique of intentional mirroring? Up to what point do you find its use legitimate and where does it become unethical?

Articles

You should know Godwin’s Law in order not to fall into the trap

When attackers lack arguments, things often get dirty. Unfair comparisons, like with the Nazis, are then meant to distract. Rhetoric can also be fair, but unfortunately, it frequently is not. What does Godwin’s Law mean? And how does it relate to everyday communication, speeches and presentations?

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

What can be read from the eyes? More than wishes! The eyes have a big part in human facial expressions. There is a reason why the eyes are called the mirror of the soul. They reveal a lot about our feelings and thoughts, no matter if we want it or not. Eyes can smile, radiate joy, permeate, agree, question, doubt or reject. Learn to read body language.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. Albert Schweitzer

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 20, 2016
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: October 6, 2021
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/manipulationstechniken-erkennen/
K:
Ü: Review required
#131484

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly?

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly?

Chronic lying of narcissists
Narcissists

Chronic lying by narcissists

 

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly and so often?

Why do so many narcissists lie so brazenly?

 

Narcissists want to compensate for their low self-esteem by exaggerated self-portrayals. Their urge for attention and admiration is very strong and out of control. They, therefore, invent stories to make themselves look great. There can be only one. To make themselves look even better, they devalue other people, make them look bad. Where there is no fault to be found, they stage it. To achieve their goals, they have no restraint when it comes to lying. They seem to believe their lies, even not to consider them as such. What is this all about?

 

 

 

Attention

 

Attention: This article is not about the diagnosis of pathological narcissists, but about avoiding nasty people and not being exploited. For simplification, I call people with clearly narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists in this article.

 

 

 

Only own interests count

 

Narcissists consider other people as objects – as a means to an end – and feel entitled to exploit them. Lies enable narcissists to present a false image of themselves to potential victims. Whether professionally, in business, privately; those who take the bait usually realize too late what the consequences are. The net quickly tightens.

Narcissists know what to do to make their victims lose the ability to make safe and appropriate decisions. They get involved in the relationship without realizing the danger that lurks. Once the targets are taken in, narcissists continue to cleverly weave lies with a dash of truth to ensure that their targets continue to play by their rules.

 

 

 

Gaslighting

 

Narcissists also lie by withholding and selecting information. They lie as a form of gaslighting to extend their control over targets by making them constantly question and doubt themselves. They often frequently claim that they value and even love their targets. In doing so, they have little to no inhibitions.

 

 

 

Lack of ability or willingness to empathize

 

Narcissists lie effortlessly and are very convincing because they lack normal human emotions or inhibitions.
They are insensitive and bored, lack the willingness to show empathy for others, and feel neither shame nor remorse. This coldness of feeling also allows them to lie with minimal inhibitions.

Narcissists can look people straight in the eye while shamelessly lying to them. In doing so, they do not make a face, even when confronted with probing questions and evidence of previous deceptions. It is normal for them to deny lies, make excuses, and project their behavior onto others. Empathy is a means to an end, otherwise just dead weight.

 

 

 

They arouse pity

 

Narcissists also lie to make others feel sorry for them. They are out to abuse others. They exploit the natural desire of many people to help their fellow man. They use deception, sometimes a spark of truth, to create a plethora of fabricated problems. Common attempts at manipulation include faked illnesses and injuries, car accidents, and thefts. More often, they suffer at the hands of supposedly mean and even crazy people, such as ex-partners, former victims. The others are always responsible. In this way, they want to gain advantages and distract from their mean behavior.

 

 

 

Pathological chronic lying

 

Narcissists can be very cunning, sly, and resourceful in inventing lies. They are manipulative, deceitful, and unscrupulous to alienate their victims and influence observers. They start by lying about themselves, then move on to lying about their ex, their career, and their accomplishments. They lie about their feelings for you to quickly win you over and keep you loyal. Chances are that lies about you will then follow once you see through the game and want to leave.

 

 

 

Attempts to clarify

 

When asked about lies, further lies are to be expected from narcissists. Hindsight is unlikely and they often fight exposure with all their might.

 

 

 

So what?

 

The sooner you recognize the deceitful game, the better. Find out how to recognize narcissists and how to protect yourself. Stay mindful.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

10 + 10 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Why do narcissists lie so blatantly and so often?​?

Articles

Narcissists & Co.: 10 tips to set boundaries for toxic people

What to do when toxic people cross boundaries? Here are suggestions you can use to set clear boundaries for such contemporaries.

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

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36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 23, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-hilfe/
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T: RR
#852

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

Learn to read body language: the eyes
Nicht nur Wünsche lassen sich von den Augen ablesen

Look into my eyes!

 

What can be read from the eyes? More than wishes! The eyes have a big part in human facial expressions. There is a reason why the eyes are called the mirror of the soul. They reveal a lot about our feelings and thoughts, no matter if we want them or not. Eyes can smile, radiate joy, permeate, agree, question, doubt or reject. Learn to read body language.

Overview

When the eyes say one thing, and the tongue another, a practiced man relies on the language of the first.

Ralph Waldo Emerson

What the eyes can tell 

 

The eyes have a big part in human facial expressions. Apart from the people with dark or mirrored sunglasses, visual signals are quite easy to recognize and interpret. There is a reason why the eyes are called the mirror of the soul. They reveal much about our feelings and thoughts, whether we like them or not. Eyes can smile, radiate joy, permeate, agree, question, doubt or reject. A cursing gaze can even hurt other people without supernatural powers.

 

 

 

Why paying attention to eye contact?

 

You only see well with the heart, the essential is invisible to the eyes.

Antoine de Saint-Exupery

 

Why is it worthwhile dealing with the topic of eye contact? Because people often have unspoken goals with their eye contact:

  • The search for further information
  • Expression of attention and interest
  • Endeavoring to influence, dominate or deter other people
  • Provide feedback
  • Invitation and control of human interactions
  • Something is to be hidden

 

 

 

Interpretations: Read from the eyes

 

A gaze can hit and even hurt other people. There is the withering look and some even wish that looks could kill. Sometimes the eyes say something other than the conscious mind-controlled words that leave the mouth. That’s another reason why it’s worth watching.

For the following body signals, I have added a selection of possible interpretations. Important in the analysis of body language: always calibrate well and evaluate the clues in clusters. Only then can well-founded working theses be developed.

You can use the elements yourself in your body language. Insofar as the signals are consciously controllable, you can decide for yourself whether they support your intended message or not.

 

 

1. Avoiding eye contact

 

Possible interpretations: Someone is looking for an alternative and escape possibilities.

If a situation is perceived as unpleasant or even dangerous, eye contact is often avoided. This is also because of self-confidence. In the assessment, the previous calibration helps.

 

 

 

2. Longer compressing of the eyelids

 

Possible interpretation: Someone got scared.

If the eyes are closed for longer than is the usual lid reflex, this may be due to too bright a light or a more violent shock. In the latter case, sufferers often want to close their eyes to reality.

 

 

 

3. The direction of view

 

 

a.) A lowered gaze outside of conversations

 

Possible interpretation: disinterest

Outside of a conversation someone in the environment lowers the view or does not respond at all to the attempt to make eye contact, then there is no interest on his part (at least for the moment).

 

 

b.) A lowered gaze during conversations

 

Possible interpretations: malaise, insecurity, lies

If someone lowers their eyes during a conversation, it can be an indication that they are feeling uncomfortable. Eye contact is omitted, to give no evidence of lies. But as often mentioned; these are clues, not clear proofs.

 

 

c.) An oblique gaze

 

Possible interpretation: It means appraising restraint

An oblique gaze often signals to appraise restraint and is often deliberately used.

 

 

d.) Eyes to the ground

 

Possible interpretations: insecurity, ignorance or provocation

If the gaze goes steadily or frequently to the ground, moves restlessly back and forth, seems to be looking for something, the eyes are pulled together, the eyebrows are raised or are demonstratively turned in a different direction – then they are indications for insecurity, ignorance or also for provocation.

 

 

e.) The degree of eye-opening

 

Possible interpretations: interest, concentration, sleep deficit

The degree of eye-opening allows conclusions about how alert someone is. Open eyes indicate interest, contracted eyes indicate concentration.

 

 

 

4. Focusing with the eyes

 

 

a.) The focus on something

 

Possible interpretation: concentration

Concentration instantly stiffens the neck to focus on one point.

 

 

 

5. Staring

 

Possible interpretations: aggression or shock reaction

Stare is very often an attack reaction. It is often perceived as aggressive and threatening due to this target fixation. It can also be a shock reaction in which someone is so frozen that the gaze freezes and can not be averted.

 

 

 

6. Pupils

 

 

a.) The pupil dilation

 

There were times when women dribbled the juice of the nightshade into their eyes to dilate the pupils. The belladonna is therefore also called Artopa Belladonna (beautiful woman) because dilated pupils are considered more attractive and are registered unconsciously. Without such manipulation, one can guess how attracted someone feels about what he is looking at.

 

Possible interpretations: joy, pleasure, sympathy
If great pleasure is felt, then eyes and pupils enlarge. Some poker players wear sunglasses to hide their reactions to a good hand.

 

 

 

7. The blinking of the eyes

 

 

a.) Uneasy blinking

 

Normal is a blink frequency of 10 to 20 times per minute.

Possible interpretations: insecurity, surprise, stress, lies

An uneasy wink prevents longer eye contact and thus has little trustworthiness. More adrenaline is released during lying, resulting in increased eyelid beat. This stress reaction can have other triggers.

 

 

b.) Very rare blinking

 

Possible interpretation: boredom

An unusually low blink frequency of the listener in certain phases of conversations and presentations indicates that they have lost their attention. However, very few speakers register this.

 

 

 

8. Eyebrows

 

Only the interplay of eyebrows and eyes allows interpretations within clusters (a combination of possible hints).

 

 

a.) Eyes and eyebrows are pinched.

 

Often it is smiled on one side, so only one corner of the mouth is pulled up or only one side pulls inwards.

Possible interpretations: skepticism and contempt
The gaze is so focused and concentrated; someone is gazing skeptically.

 

 

b.) Eyebrows go down and eyes narrow

 

The eyebrows are pulled down and the eyes narrow, while the upper eyelids often raise and contract. The otherwise curved lower eyelid straightens while, below the eyelid are small wrinkles.

Possible interpretation: anger
The more pronounced the facial expressions, the greater the annoyance.

 

 

c.) The simultaneous lifting and contracting of the eyebrows.

 

Possible interpretations: grief and anger
Simultaneous lifting and contracting of eyebrows are common in people who are mourning and annoyed.

 

 

d.) Temporary raising of the eyebrows, where the eyes continue to open

 

While the eyebrows are pulled up, wrinkles in the forehead area usually form. Possible interpretations: an expression of joyous surprise and increased attention. If the surprise is greater, the chin also lowers. Sometimes so far that the mouth opens.

 

 

e.) Eyebrows raised in combination with a slight lift of the head

 

Possible interpretation: disapproval

 

 

 

9. Spontaneously developed wrinkles around the eyes with a laughing mouth

 

Possible interpretation: Real laugh

A true smile (Duchenne smile) involves many muscles. It is accompanied by the lowering of the eyebrows and the activation of the muscles around the eye (Orbicularis oculi). In contrast, the simulated smile does not activate the muscles around the eyes. Often a false smile breaks off abruptly or gradually disappears from the face.

 

 

 

10. Eye movements

 

With generalizations, that is often such a thing. Unfortunately, the concept of eye access, from NLP (Neuro-Linguistic Programming), is often misunderstood. Often, things are too simplistic: when a person says the truth, he looks to the left. If he lies, his eyes move to the right. But that’s not how it works in practice. In reality, it is a bit more complex. Few users calibrate neatly enough and do not have the flexibility to use such hints.

Who mastered the concept, receives many additional hints up to insights into the personal thinking strategies of interlocutors.

 

Augenzugangshinweise

 

Recommendations for your eye contact

 

Eyes speak volumes. A look can say more than a thousand words. It is therefore advisable to give interlocutors an open view for a few seconds, accompanied by a contagious friendly smile.

A friendly open look makes listeners feel positive. Those who do not pay any attention to other people are considered arrogant and unsympathetic. Those who want to convince people of themselves and their offers benefit from good eye contact. But beware of too-long eye contact. This can easily be interpreted as staring, crossing the border, and being rude. Who fixes someone too long and too intensely, is quickly regarded as threatening and aggressive.

In principle, it is easy. You communicate with your eyes what’s going on in you. If you are excited about something, your eyes will sparkle and that is contagious!

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

P.S.

 

What do you watch out for when you talk?

Articles

Beware of manipulation: Intentional mirroring in conversations

Intentional mirroring is the deliberate imitation of other people to make them feel good. It serves to promote rapport and can also be used against the interests of the mirrored.

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

Body language: What can actually be read from the eyes? Not only wishes!

What can be read from the eyes? More than wishes! The eyes have a big part in human facial expressions. There is a reason why the eyes are called the mirror of the soul. They reveal a lot about our feelings and thoughts, no matter if we want it or not. Eyes can smile, radiate joy, permeate, agree, question, doubt or reject. Learn to read body language.

read more
Eyes are windows to the soul.

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 1, 2011
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 4, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#183

Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques

Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques

How to protect yourself from being manipulated
Manipulation

This is how you identify manipulation techniques

 

Discover how to recognize manipulation and choose counter-strategies. Here are descriptions of eleven types of manipulation techniques including body language.

What is manipulation?

 

The term manipulation has different, sometimes more, and sometimes less negative meanings. This article is about targeted and covert influence aimed at controlling perceptions, decisions, and the behavior of individuals and groups. This can be done with good or bad intentions. Manipulate means for most people to manage or influence skillfully, especially in a manner that seems to be unfair:

 

 

 

What possibilities of protection exist?

 

The first step is to identify the most common manipulation techniques. Then you can choose and use the appropriate counter-strategies.

 

 

 

How can manipulation attempts be identified?

 

The most essential requirement – to protect yourself from manipulation – is to know yourself well. Then you can interpret a possible gut feeling without detours.

We are especially manipulable when we are uncertain. Point!

Okay, I’ll decorate it a bit more, but that’s the core message: Someone who rests in himself is harder to manipulate! Many manipulation techniques are based on sowing doubt, making others feel guilty, or taking advantage of low self-confidence.

 

 

 

The 11 most common manipulation techniques

 

Let’s start with the different manipulation techniques in detail. Which manipulation techniques do exist?

Here is a selection:

  1. The principle of reciprocity
  2. Exclusivity/scarcity
  3. The persistence trap
  4. Herd instinct
  5. The friendship trick
  6. The authority trap
  7. Repetition
  8. Emotional tricks
  9. Selective information
  10. Killer phrases
  11. The fear trap

 

 

 

1. The principle of reciprocity

 

With small favors, other people can be guilty. That’s a popular way of manipulation. Living together is mutual. As long as the principle of reciprocity leads to a largely balanced exchange, everyone benefits from it. Thus, the reflex of responding to a gift with a gift is deeply rooted in many people. However, the connection between giving and taking can also be exploited. For example, investing one easy favor on another makes one feel obligated and desirous of reciprocating. Frequently, the response does not correspond to the actual intention in other circumstances.

Unfortunately, the experience of being manipulated in such a way often leads to a profound reluctance to accept a favor from other people in the future.

As with all other attempts at manipulation, coexistence becomes more difficult when people feel manipulated. Too bad, because small gifts are good for human relationships. As long as these mechanisms are not unilaterally abused, the principle of reciprocity benefits everyone.

 

Examples:

 

  • If a small favor of a colleague is accepted there are then inhibitions to reject the request for an inappropriate favor.
  • Beggars with flowers, who first give away a withered flower and then demand a donation, for which one could buy a whole bouquet of fresh spring flowers.
  • A harmless variant that uses the principle: There are higher tips if the waiter puts a candy next to the bill.

 

 

 

2. Exclusivity/scarcity

 

While stocks last! Not only the spectators of the teleshopping channels succumb to the fascination of scarcity. It is easy to get the impression that offers that are almost always sold out must be particularly worthwhile. Otherwise, they would not be so popular, right? The bottleneck is usually homemade to manipulate and make something more attractive than it is. Again, it helps to understand your own needs, instead of being pressured. Reject inappropriate calls without a guilty conscience!

 

Examples:

 

  • Special editions
  • Auctions
  • Sale, special offer, special occasion. The impending loss of freedom to make a decision urges people to choose the option, even if it has not been a priority so far.

 

 

 

3. The persistence trap

 

The “foot-in-the-door technique” entices to take the first step in a certain direction. This happens, for example, by asking for a small favor. This favor serves as a door opener. People are then much easier to persuade. Sometimes it is enough to ask someone to take a look at a task for a moment and then ask them afterward if they take over the task completely. This persistence trap significantly increases the probability that we say yes. People tend to be consistent.

In other words, once a person has taken a commitment, he or she is more willing to comply with requests that are consistent with it. “He who said A must also say B” or “what has been started must also be brought to an end. This often works but is nonsense. Pay attention to your gut feeling; Do you want that?

 

Examples:

 

  • During the Milgram experiment, this principle was also used. Initially, subjects were asked to administer harmless surges. This was then slowly increased, so it was harder to get out.
  • Fundraising collections that ask for a signature and then a donation.
  • Colleagues ask you to read something first and then ask for help.
  • Sales events with friends

 

 

 

4. Herd instinct

 

Holy crap: Billions of flies can not be wrong … Even humans are herd animals. What many others do and approve of is considered proof of correctness. As we know from the lemmings, this is not always recommended in practice. It’s not that easy with group intelligence. So beware of purchased references and peer pressure.

The safer you are, what is important to you, the harder you are to manipulate.

 

Examples:

 

  • Haha! In shallow TV series and talk shows recorded laughter ensures that the audience also laughs.
  • A company describes its product as the best-selling. Well then …
  • “Wollt Ihr den totalen Krieg?” (Do you want total war?) To this question in the speech of Joseph Goebbels of 1943 probably no mentally healthy person would have answered with “Yes”.

 

 

 

5. Friendship trick

 

Pleasant, nice to meet you. For people who are sympathetic to us, it is much harder to deny wishes. That makes use of the friendship trick. It creates a pleasant atmosphere first. This creates a basis for influencing the manipulator. Experienced observers recognize the overly conspicuous techniques for the promotion of rapport, such as the mirroring of body language, statements, etc.

 

Examples:

 

  • The cliché of the used car dealer in TV series agrees with the customer during the small talk, coincidentally has the same hobbies, etc.
  • Excessive praise.
  • Trying to anchor good states.
  • The exaggerated imitation of verbal language, body language, and statements.

 

 

 

6. The authority trap

 

I am Professor Dr. hc. Trickster.

The authority and the expert trick are based on combining a convincing appearance with credible-sounding arguments that are not always true. This works especially well if we have no authority in the relevant field.

Authority can also be borrowed. Some manipulators hide behind other supposed authorities. This often has the purpose to prevent openly expressed doubts. A particularly striking example of this is the electric shock experiment by Stanley Milgram. In experiments, more than 60 percent of the authority-led participants were willing to administer surgeries to supposed participants who would have been deadly in reality. And that, although the supposed participants groaned after every impulse, screaming in pain and begging, the experiment may be ended. No mercy, the expert said …

Knowledge is power? Yes! So in case of doubt, inform yourself! And that’s especially true when you encounter resistance. How real is the expert status if he refuses to prove the correctness of statements or if we want to inform ourselves? The alarm bells should ring!

 

Examples:

 

  • Acquisition and use of titles.
  • Status symbols like expensive cars, luxury watches, etc.
  • The dentist or the wife of the dentist in advertising for tooth cream.
  • The quality seal of a more or less prestigious institute.
  • The reference to the result of a well-known management consultancy.
  • American scientists have found out …
  • The colleague who claims that the management wants …

 

 

 

7. Repetition

 

Through constant repetition, we can be manipulated. It is often tried to increase the credibility of a statement by the constant repetition as in brainwashing. As the number of repetitions of an assertion tends to increase, the willingness to accept an assertion as true tends to increase. Through repetition, a notoriety effect occurs that causes us to adopt a familiar friendly attitude. Yes, we humans are quite vulnerable.

 

Examples:

 

  • Advertising messages are repeated very often.
  • Brand symbols that are placed at sporting events etc. in as many places as possible.
  • Repetition of messages in presentations.

 

 

 

8. Emotional tricks

 

Appealing to a person’s feelings is often more effective than turning to their reason. Concerns that are likely to fail at the logical level can sometimes be enforced on the emotional level. This is often used to eliminate our logical decision-making ability.

 

Examples:

 

  • Sad photographs at a fundraiser.
  • Horror scenarios in sales talks with the solution by a particularly expensive product.
  • Creating feelings of guilt to reduce self-esteem followed by a request (emotional blackmail).
  • To appeal to vanity.
  • Donation or hell as in the Middle Ages

 

 

 

9. Selective information

 

The exposure or omission of relevant information is very often used for manipulation. Even the line between truth and lies still offers a lot of leeway for liars. Sometimes this latitude is even used with good intentions, but it is a delicate step to the dark side.

Education offers some protection, as well as own research, as far as information is available. Good listening provides unintentional hints. Whereby sometimes the missing statements are more informative than the voluntarily expressed information. The exploration of possible interests of the manipulators also provides clues and urges caution.

 

Examples:

 

  • Propaganda
  • Study reports with predetermined goals
  • Lobbyism

 

 

 

10. The killer phrases

 

Ouch, what a painful argument! Killer phrases are attempts to manipulate individuals or groups by ostracizing any further treatment of a topic. Killer phrases are to be discovered as such and may not distract you. Killer phrases are taboo!

 

Examples:

 

  • We have always done this way!
  • That’s not possible anyway!
  • That’s none of our business.
  • If I were you, I would say so.

 

 

 

11. The fear trap

 

Even those who consider themselves relatives of Vulcanian Commander Spock are rarely truly objective in their perception and decision-making. We, humans, are very guided by feelings. That’s why manipulative people like to foster fears. They exaggerate the unpleasant consequences and if possible give the impression of time pressure. This works particularly well in large groups, in which less swarm intelligence rather than mass hysteria dominates.

 

Examples:

  • It may be too late tomorrow.
  • Imagine …
  • If you don’t accept the chance, who could forgive you for not acting?

Do you want to expand your knowledge and skills?

 

If you want to expand your knowledge and skills, come to my training and I’ll show you how to identify, ward off and even use advanced manipulation techniques yourself. I recommend 2 to 5 hours for this worthwhile topic.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

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Do you recognize efforts to manipulate you?

Example is not the main thing in influencing others. It is the only thing. Albert Schweitzer

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 20, 2016
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: October 6, 2021
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/manipulationstechniken-erkennen/
K:
Ü: Review required
#131484

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Protecting yourself from manipulation
17 hints that someone is a manipulator

Manipulators

 

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

Manipulator

 

Manipulators are unfair and always their focus is on their interests. They’re looking for advantages for themselves even when they are lead to huge disadvantages for others

You can meet a lot of manipulators every day.

 

 

 

17 signs to recognize a manipulator

 

The easiest way to recognize the manipulator is by trusting your gut feeling. With a good portion of self-reflection, you know yourself, and therefore you realize an upcoming gut feeling. Because your gut feeling is based on a lot of experience and many factors like body language, it can signalize when it’s time to have a closer look at the intention and behavior of someone.

 

 

 

17 typical signs that someone may be in a manipulator

 

 

1. Liars

 

The most experienced manipulators are well-trained liars. Therefore, they are excellent at hiding their intentions. It was really hard to get done. They know how to hide the typical signs of manipulation.

 

 

 

2. Exaggerated openness

 

Manipulators often behave as if they are very open-minded and willing to reveal everything you ask about. This way, they want to look more honest than they are. So manipulators want to get other people to reveal more about themselves. If they have the opportunity, then they can exploit that for themselves shamelessly.

 

 

 

3. Appeal to the conscience

 

Manipulators regularly refer to values ​​that are important to their victims. The values ​​are then used to develop compassion and concern for something in the interests of the manipulator. Who wants to violate his values?

 

 

 

4. Promoting guilt feelings

 

Manipulators do not take responsibility for anything, except when it is beneficial as a trick. In other people, however, they promote guilt feelings. Who has guilty feelings, is more restrained. Anyone who feels guilty, does not pay much attention to their own needs, feels obligated. Even the physiology of guilty feelings disturbs the inner balance. And manipulators know how to get us there.

While most people are still researching to find out what a Double Bind is, manipulators are already using it masterfully. If it were not so mean, we could admire such nasty people for their abilities. But such behavior leads to the dark side of power.

 

 

 

5. They appear empathetic

 

Manipulators make compliments that are one size too big, but who cares? Flattery of the ego is gladly accepted. The aftertaste is ignored. If it fits their plans, they are the most pleasant conversation partners. Well-versed manipulators anchor good conditions right from the beginning so that we can enjoy their closeness and goodwill. Then we do not want to miss this anymore. Manipulators close the trap slowly and imperceptibly.

Manipulators know the vulnerabilities of their chosen victims and use them without inhibitions. At first, it may feel as if the manipulator is particularly attentive and interested. But then openness becomes a personal disadvantage.

The less their potential victims practice self-reflection, the easier it will be for manipulators. Those who know their sore spots, let them heal and pay attention to themselves.

 

 

 

6. Twisting the facts

 

Manipulators are twisting the facts so much that we even develop doubts about where we were previously safe. The technique of reframing is in their toolbox, and they know to bend the reality in their interest.

 

 

 

7. They stage themselves as victims

 

Manipulators hurt other people and they should apologize for that. Nasty influencers like to make themselves victims. Anyone who stages himself as a victim enjoys some protection. Alleged victims hide as such. It also increases the pressure of observers. Who will be the victim of the common?

 

 

 

8. They make thinking difficult

 

Manipulators do a lot to prevent clear thinking. By doing so, they want to ensure that nobody recognizes their bad intentions. Manipulators use confusion, distraction, and indignation.

 

 

 

9. Egocentricity

 

Manipulators only have their interests in mind. If other people play a role, then only if it serves the interests of the manipulator.

 

 

 

10. The exploitation of good nature

 

Manipulators use good nature. Natural inhibitions are unimportant to them. Even small symbolic concessions are abused by them.

 

 

 

11. Lack of distance

 

Manipulators ignore the healthy need for privacy. They cross borders. In this way, they bring other people out of balance.

 

 

 

12. Authenticity

 

Manipulators know what we want to hear, or what makes us do what they want. It usually takes some time to realize that manipulators are untrustworthy. They do not walk the talk. Statements and actual behavior do not match. Honest people, promises are sacred. Manipulators only know their interests.

 

 

13. Name dropping

 

Manipulators tend to become more important. They use titles, names of famous people they allegedly know and show all kinds of status symbols.

 

 

 

14. False helpfulness

 

They like to appear helpful, but at best they expect a multiple of interest if they help. Everything is just a means to an end and when they have their foot in the door, it starts.

 

 

15. Linguistic fluency

 

Linguistic fluency is quite a valued skill. But it can be abused by manipulators. The basic tool for the manipulation of reality is the manipulation of language. Clear communication is avoided and the answers to questions are often evasive.

 

 

 

16. Gut feeling

 

We rarely trust the gut feeling, but it often announces quite early when something is wrong. Then the facts are missing, and therefore we do not trust the feeling. It is worthwhile to take a closer look at such cases. The gut feeling is based on experience and takes into account subtle clues that the conscious does not notice.

 

 

 

17. Additional perspectives

 

Involve people you trust and then form your own opinion. Find out who probably does not have your well-being in mind.

 

 

 

How to protect yourself from manipulation

 

To protect yourself from manipulators, it is important to know yourself, your values, ​​and your priorities. Anyone who can recognize clues about the properties of a manipulator can learn to deal with such people and their manipulation attempts.

How? Read the article Stop it, I hate that: Recognize the 11 most common manipulation techniques.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

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How do you recognize a manipulator?

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Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 27, 2009
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: October 23, 2021
Translation: ./.
German version:
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T: RR
#189

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