Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

Yes or no?
Narcissists and leadership

Narcissists

 

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

Compassion for narcissists?

 

In articles, lectures, coaching, therapy, and even consulting for companies, I advocate for people who suffer from narcissists. So I’m asked frequently – sometimes even hostilely – if I don’t feel sorry for narcissists.

 

 

 

Attention

 

Caution: This article is not about diagnosing pathological narcissists, but about avoiding nasty people and not letting them take advantage of you. For simplicity, I call people with clear narcissistic tendencies – whether women or men – narcissists in these articles.

 

 

 

Not so easy

 

The very listing of typical characteristics of narcissistic personalities does not make it easy to feel sorry for narcissists. Narcissists too often leave a mess behind. Narcissists are opportunistic and resentful, they are arrogant and convey inferiority to those around them. Their motto is: “I only defend myself, even when I attack!”. They do not listen or only if they hope to gain an advantage. They know everything better, deceive, cheat, manipulate, stage themselves as victims when necessary and the actual victims as perpetrators. Narcissists are ungrateful, those who do not acknowledge their divinity thus only prove their own stupidity. They expect luxury, even if the pockets are empty, the others should limit themselves. They are dazzlers and behind the facade it becomes disappointing. They expect loyalty without granting any themselves. Morality is only important in terms of not getting caught. Narcissists are even proud when they manage to get away with questionable behavior. Me, me, me. Vanity is common. Criticism is lavishly given, but not accepted themselves. They consider people who follow rules to be stupid. Given the power, they turn out to be bullies.

I could go on for a while about the damage narcissistic personalities can cause. And they very often do. I deal with sufferers on a daily basis and it is painful to listen. Life partners, business partners, investors, employees, … many can sing a song about how much suffering narcissists can create.

 

 

 

Compassion for narcissists

 

Take a breath: as a therapist and empathetic person, I feel sorry for narcissists. Narcissists do not have happy lives; their craving for recognition is a prison from which they cannot escape. It is a punishment for life, narcissism is not curable. But as a therapist I don’t feel called to work with narcissists, I don’t have the impression that this is desired and somehow worthwhile. So other therapists may take care of that.

 

 

 

Decision

 

The people I deal with have often been put in uncomfortable situations by narcissists. And these people I support because they can use and appreciate it.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

8 + 14 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

Do you have compassion for narcissists?

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On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

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People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

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Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

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36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/zu-ist-zuviel-umgang-mit-narzissten/
K:
H:
T: RR
#398

Narcissists in leadership positions

Narcissists in leadership positions

The first impression is misleading, narcissists cause damage.
Narcissists and leadership

Narcissists in leadership positions

 

Why are so many narcissists in leadership positions and what are the consequences?

Narcissists in leading positions

 

There is a disproportionate number of narcissists in leadership positions. The desire for dominance and the willingness to make the necessary effort to impress relevant people are typical of narcissism. However, the glamorous appearance is deceptive, narcissistic personalities cause damage.

For this article, I am referring to narcissism as defined by a group of personality traits rather than as a clinical disorder per se.

 

 

 

Willingness to take risks

 

A common strength of narcissistic personalities is their uncompromising will to achieve results. Their lack of self-reflection does not allow them to be risk-conscious. This is how they push projects and innovations forward.

 

 

 

Public image

 

Narcissistic personalities spent more time and energy worrying about how they are perceived.

With their appearance, narcissists can be captivating. In good forms or moments, narcissists can succeed in providing orientation and inspiration to other people. Because they pay a lot of attention to their external presentation, they often end up in a leading position.

 

 

 

A high proportion of top positions

 

What actual share narcissists have in the top positions is difficult to estimate. There are many indications that there are a lot of narcissists. The proportion of people with narcissistic tendencies in leadership positions is likely to be well above the overall average in the population. Narcissists actively pursue leadership positions and are likely to be selected by others. They are naturally more status-oriented and value power.

 

 

 

Narcissism and narcissists

 

Their appearance, sometimes perceived as charisma, can be very inspiring. Behind the deceptive facade, however, a difficult person is often hidden. If you read the article 36 indications to identify narcissists you will probably have some aha-moments.

It may be that narcissistic traits, when not extreme, and when balanced by other character strengths, have also positive effects. When narcissism is extreme, combined with other negative personality traits, and when it results in leaders making decisions that put their company, employees, constituents, or followers at risk or mislead them, or when a leader’s narcissism makes him unable to take responsibility or prioritize others’ needs above his own, then the costs of narcissism will outweigh any benefits.

 

 

 

Consequences

 

Someone probably had reasons why a narcissistic personality got into a leadership position. People with narcissistic structures do not only bring disadvantages. Not all narcissists are incompetent. Some projects benefit greatly from narcissists. However, they often cause tremendous damage that is often only noticed after a time delay.

Since they are not able to maintain real relationships of trust and accept feedback, their view is very limited. The lack of social skills and the overestimation of their abilities have consequences.

Organizations may think that there is nothing wrong with having narcissists in leadership roles. But the risks of narcissism are generally underestimated. Even the benefits of narcissism disappear during difficult and complex times and many leaders display much more than a little amount of narcissism. The awareness of the causes and consequences of narcissistic personalities is still lacking.

 

 

 

Narcissists in leadership positions

 

In the beginning, narcissists present themselves as enrichment. They disguise themselves to those people with whom they want to make a good impression, as long as it is beneficial to them. Then they take off their mask more and more often and the damage becomes bigger and bigger. A leader’s narcissism can result in decisions that are at odds with the needs and well being of those affected by these decisions.

Mostly those persons who could intervene are still too dazzled by the self-portrayal and the promises made. If the true character is recognized, it is usually very late.

 

 

 

What to do?

 

What can you do when people in leadership positions turn out to be narcissists?

You could start by looking at the article with 30 tips for communicating with narcissists. Dealing with narcissists. Too much is too much!. Then you can look for support in dealing with narcissists. And do it quickly, because it is easier to prevent problems than to correct them. Narcissists are extremely sensitive and never forget even supposed shame. Narcissistic personalities perceive even comprehensible constructive feedback as a personal insult and want to take revenge for such insolence. And yet they know little inhibitions.

 

 

 

Challenges

 

Much of what is useful in other situations for good communication and relationship building exacerbates situations in which narcissists are involved. In interpersonal conflicts, narcissists do not go to work fairly. If they consider it necessary, they also accept their disadvantages. This can cause considerable damage, can ruin drive whole companies and the people involved.

 

 

 

Professional support

 

If you are looking for professional support regarding communication and decision-making, feel free to ask me. For legal questions, please contact the appropriate experts. I am here for you to take into account the communicative and psychological aspects.

Help dealing with narcissists (no legal advice!)

 

It's urgent? Thanks to an immediate bank transfer, it is also possible to organize sessions at short notice, often even on the same day. In any case, you can orient yourself by reading the list with fees. Typically, a telephone call of 60 minutes is enough. Either you come to me in Berlin or we organize a telephone meeting or use the Internet with a video conferencing system. If you wish professional support for your decision-making, communication, or because you suffer emotionally from narcissists, then we can arrange an appointment.

As much as I would like to - with the large number of requests I receive, I keep the amount of volunteer help at a feasible level.

If you want professional support (in the areas I offer and this does not include any legal advice), then we can make an appointment. Either you come to me in Berlin or we make a telephone session or use the Internet with video support. This has proven to be very successful. Thanks to real-time bank transfer, it is also possible to book appointments at short notice. We can make an appointment first or even easier and faster; you book your session and as soon as the fee is received, we find the next available appointment.

If it is about the psychological effects, I offer therapeutic help for people suffering from narcissists and coaching for other issues. You can find the fees here. Please note the reduced fees for therapeutic assistance for people suffering from narcissistic abuse.

Not all sufferers have the financial means to do this, I know. You can then at least use the comment function to exchange information with other sufferers. Sometimes I also answer questions there, occasionally even beyond that. I am aware of the suffering that can result from contact with narcissists. However, the day has only 24h, and therefore I ask for understanding for my procedures. I am aware of the suffering that often results from contact with narcissists. That is why I offer a free telephone consultation every first Monday of the month from 9:00 to 12:00 for initial impulses. Please use exclusively the telephone number +49 (0)30 864 213 65 for this purpose. Calls outside these hours and on other telephone numbers exclusively in the context of the professional support mentioned.

So: Questions that may also interest other people, please ask in the comments. Some topics are of a more private nature and I offer professional support for them. Let's have a direct conversation about this. If you are interested in support, for organizational questions and appointments you can reach me personally best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.de), conditionally also by phone +49 (0)30 864 213 65., mobile +49 (0)30 864 213 65.

Preparation of important conversations and negotiations

 

Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?

More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.

You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.

Just ask me personally

 

Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?

If you are interested in coaching, training, or consulting, for organizational questions and to make an appointment, you can reach me best via this contact form (It is up to you whether you enter personal data) or by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com). Otherwise, you may reach me by telephone at +49(0)30 864 213 68 and mobile phone at +49(0)1577 704 53 56 from Monday to Thursday from 9:00 to 18:00. Most of the time I am in sessions, so please leave a message with your phone number in Germany, then. Please remember to be very specific about the reason for your call. I will call you back as soon as possible. The privacy policy can be found here.

Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.

 

 

 

Message

 

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

8 + 11 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

What thoughts come to your mind on the subject? Have you encountered narcissists in leadership positions? What experience have you had with narcissists?

Articles

Narcissists as co-founders of a start-up

What to do if co-founders in the startup have a narcissistic personality?

Narcissistic parents

Narcissistic parents

The extent to which parents with narcissistic tendencies are perceived as a problem varies significantly. Offspring are often unaware that narcissism is involved in the idiosyncratic relationship. This article is about this special relationship and what results from it.

read more
Compassion for narcissists?

Compassion for narcissists?

On some occasions, I stand up for people who suffer from narcissistic personalities. Thus, I am frequently asked if I have no sympathy for narcissists. Here is my answer.

read more
Narcissists and feedback

Narcissists and feedback

People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.

read more
17 signs that someone is a manipulator

17 signs that someone is a manipulator

Not every attempt to manipulate us is obvious. Especially the professional manipulators learn how to hide their intentions. Unfortunately, there are a lot of those manipulators in business and private life. Learn how to recognize manipulators.

read more
36 indications to identify narcissists

36 indications to identify narcissists

Narcissists are driven primarily by power, fame, and recognition. That’s not bad, right? If there weren’t so many people with narcissistic tendencies, there wouldn’t be many achievements and world records. However, we would not have to suffer from many disadvantages. As fascinating as narcissists may seem at first glance, they are in reality selfish and emotionally cold. Only their self-pity is boundless. Only the others make mistakes.

In the article, you will learn how to identify narcissists.

read more

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in group or individual training or coaching.

Published: January 2, 2012
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 28, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/narzissten-in-fuehrungspositionen/
K:
H:
T: RR
#398

error: Copyright