More contentment through self-acceptance or does that reduce the motivation?

More contentment through self-acceptance or does that reduce the motivation?

Accepting oneself as the key to happiness and personal development
self-acceptance

Does self-acceptance reduce motivation?

 

Many people consider discontentment to be the most important motivator. My observation: We are happier when we learn to accept ourselves as we truly are. And we stimulate personal development this way.

More contentment through self-acceptance

 

Psychologists at the University of Hertfordshire conducted in 2014 a survey. 5,000 people were asked to rate themselves on the 10 habits identified in a study as keys to happiness.

 

 

 

10 keys to a happier life

 

As the 10 keys to a happier life are named in the Study (external Link).

Giving: Doing something for other people
Relating: Connecting with others
Exercising: Moving the body and taking good care of it
Awareness: Living consciously
Trying out: Trying and learning new things
Direction: Setting appealing goals
Resilience: Getting on your feet with inner strength
Emotions: Figure out what’s good for you
Acceptance: Accepting oneself
Meaning: Being part of something larger

Together, the ten keys of happiness result in the acronym GREAT DREAM.

 

 

 

What’s missing? Self-acceptance!

 

The most interesting result of the study: The participants’ self-assessment was largely positive. The only habit that many people failed on was self-acceptance. Almost half of the participants rated themselves on a 10-point scale with 5 or less.

 

 

 

Causes

 

In our culture, there is enormous pressure on us to be successful and to constantly compare ourselves with others. This causes dissatisfaction and fear. It is intended to motivate us to perform better.

 

 

 

How can we learn from that insight?

 

Many people consider discontentment to be the most important motivator. My observation: We are happier when we learn to accept ourselves as we really are. The fear of losing motivation through self-acceptance is not only unjustified, but the opposite is true. Self-acceptance also makes it easier for us to evolve naturally.

The insecurity and pressure resulting from comparisons and lack of self-acceptance hinder personal development. Exactly the opposite is achieved through pressure. Positively formulated: practicing self-acceptance removes obstacles so that personal development is easier to achieve. It is worth paying attention to self-acceptance.

 

 

 

Practicing self-acceptance

 

It is important to treat ourselves as benevolently as we treat other people. This also includes considering one’s own mistakes as an opportunity to learn. Those who tend to be overly critical of themselves should practice recognizing and appreciating their strengths.

To be at peace with yourself, it helps to take time to get to know and like yourself.

If you constantly compare yourself with other people, it is easy to underestimate your possibilities and characteristics. Each one of us is unique. However, what we take for granted, we easily overlook and underestimate.

Just ask me personally

 

Let's get into a conversation. Please post any questions that may be interesting for other readers in the comments. If you are interested in coaching or training, for personal questions about that and appointments you can reach me best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com), phone +49(0)30 864 213 68, and mobile phone +49(0)1577 704 53 56.

Please read the information about the privacy policy.

P.S.

 

What are your thoughts on the subject? What is your attitude towards yourself and self-acceptance?

Future: That time when our business is doing well, our friends are loyal and our happiness is secured. Ambrose Bierce

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 29, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: May 29, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#452

Good fear, bad fear

Good fear, bad fear

How to free yourself from limiting fears.
Fears and anxiety

Good fear vs. bad fear

 

Fears are unpleasant obstacles on the way to a fulfilling life. This article is about what fears and anxiety good for and how to let go of limiting fears.

Good fear, bad fear

 

There are some obstacles on the journey to a fulfilling life to master, again and again, and again. Many of these obstacles have to do with fear.

 

 

 

Personal development

 

Fears have a huge impact on our lives. Fear reduces the joy of exploration, play, imitation, and creativity, causes stress, alters the personality. And I am writing here about the fears that many of us know.

 

 

 

Everyday fears and other anxieties

 

Some things in life are uncertain. We win something, we lose something. Not everything in life evolves as planned and sometimes it gets harder. That’s when worries can take on serious forms.

Many people are afraid of something. Many things can frighten us humans. Some fear is justified, others unjustified or at least exaggerated;

  • the fear of being judged by other people
  • the fear of being alone, of exam situations, speaking in front of an audience
  • the pressure to perform

Fear rarely makes it better.

Fear makes life more difficult. For example our decision-making.

Decisions also have consequences and this can be a burden, can cause anxiety. Fear stands in the way of making clever decisions. Paralyzed by fear, the scope for creativity is not explored and used. Important conversations are avoided out of fear, or they are painful.

Often relationships are only maintained out of fear of being alone. Many stay in the job because they worry about not finding a more suitable one and finally dare to approach to their calling. Many challenges and therefore chances remain unexploited because of fear.

Often the fears are unjustified or at least disproportionate, and yet they slow us down, distract us, or even paralyze us. Many of them have the characteristics of demons, which on closer inspection turn out to be projections. And even if they turn out to be substantiated, it is usually better to align and design resources accordingly than to ignore them.

In the case of phobias it becomes very obvious; avoidance makes the fear grow. There and elsewhere, avoiding unpleasant issues does not solve them, the problem just gets bigger.

How about the purpose of fear?

 

What is fear good for?

 

1. Fear is supposed to protect us

 

Hardly any human emotion has such a bad reputation as fear. People are even afraid of fear.

Fear has a vital function, it is an alarm reaction that should protect us when there is a threat. It is designed to prompt us to flee, to fight, or to exercise extreme caution.

The fear reactions are partly based on innate reflexes and some are learned. Both acute fear and worries about future events that might threaten our existence can be helpful. In the right dosage, it stimulates us to take action. But when fear prevails, it blocks us until we are paralyzed.

 

 

 

2. Anxiety promotes peak performance

 

Fear can unleash incredible powers. For a short time, the body is ready to perform at its best when anxious. Usually, this lasts as long as the dangerous situation lasts. However, increased physical abilities are not as helpful in many situations today as they were in our ancestor’s situation. Unfortunately, our cognitive abilities largely take a break in the meantime.

 

 

 

3. Physical reactions

 

When we are anxious, we notice above all the accompanying symptoms; trembling, wet hands, palpitations, rapid breathing up to shortness of breath, dry mouth, altered facial expressions, paleness or blushing, sweating, trembling, weakness, dizziness, diarrhea, urge to urinate and nausea as well as altered, limited perception up to a blackout.

Fear is a primitive system. This fear reaction is supposed to protect us from danger and the physical reactions that accompany it are natural. This is also the case when fear and anxiety are learned reactions to an unpleasant experience. Then the strong aversion to possible risks should protect against having that negative experiences again. However, too much fear restricts the ability to act appropriately.

Where does fear come from?

 

The fear response starts in a region of the brain called the amygdala. But how and why did the human species developed that mechanism?

In human history, our species once was a source of food, our ancestors were in danger of being eaten. You and me, we are descended from those who were more careful. The ancestors who were not afraid did not reproduce so often because they were eaten in those times. This has probably left patterns during evolution. Parts of our brains have not yet adjusted to the changing world.

In our somewhat more civilized world, existential threats are usually of a different nature.

Nowadays, only a few people are consumed by hungry wild animals. But our brain still evaluates situations according to old criteria and triggers primal physical reactions. Today this no longer happens in the wild, but for example in meeting rooms and in front of an audience. It is still frightening to leave the supposedly safe center of the herd. The so often praised individuality usually aims at maintaining the security of belonging to a group. On the periphery and outside the herd we feel threatened.

A stage is not a battleground, but if the reptilian brain believes that the audience might be dangerous, you may experience severe stage fright.

Here, and in many other situations, fear no longer helps us directly to save our lives. In the best case, fear leads to an activation, like a cup of espresso. If the fear increases to a restrictive blockage or even takes on pathological forms, then it is harmful.

We get used to some fears through repetition and to others we do not. Fears are not pleasant, apart from the thrill of a horror story, a roller coaster ride, or extreme sports.

Overcome fears

 

To overcome limiting fears is worthwhile even with mild forms. Fears haunt many people into their sleep and lead to nightmares, which in turn leave traces. Here, as in other areas, unreasonable fears unnecessarily reduce the quality of life. Such ballast works under the surface, it influences perception, thinking, and acting and should be discarded.

 

 

 

Get help with fears and anxieties

 

Fear and anxieties have many forms, manifestations, effects. Each form requires different steps. While stage fright, for example, can still be handled and solved by yourself or in coaching, real public speaking anxiety or glossophobia requires competent psychotherapy. Public speaking anxiety is considered a social anxiety disorder.

Given an appropriately experienced therapist, anxiety disorders can also be treated very well, improvement, and finally resolving them will be achieved soon. However, some fears do not require psychotherapy because they are not considered pathological. These are the anxieties that are not found in the ICD-10. ICD-10 is the abbreviation for the 10th version of the International Classification of Diseases. Whether anxieties are pathological, is not always so clear. Good coaches know when to recommend an expert. By the way, for 20 years I have been helping people affected by anxiety disorders as a therapist with permission to practice psychotherapy two days a week. Yes, fear has many forms.

“Courage is being scared to death, but saddling up anyway.”, said John Wayne. So, face your demons and you will support your personal development. Ask for support.

Just ask me personally

 

Let's get into a conversation. Please post any questions that may be interesting for other readers in the comments. If you are interested in coaching or training, for personal questions about that and appointments you can reach me best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com), phone +49(0)30 864 213 68, and mobile phone +49(0)1577 704 53 56.

Please read the information about the privacy policy.

P.S.

 

What fears are preventing you from doing something that is actually important to you?

Great Ideas Need Wings As Well As Landing Gear And...

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: May 20, 2020
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: September 25, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#4521

Decision-making: Do it now! Here are 9 tips for better decision making.

Decision making: Do it now! Here are 9 tips for better decision making.

What might help? Tips for better decision making
Do It Now!

Better decision-making

 

Making decisions can be difficult. Your success depends on your ability to develop speed as a habit in both; decision-making and executing decisions. Here are a few tips for better decision-making. 

Overview

A good plan violently executed right now is far better than a perfect plan executed next week.

George S. Patton

Speed

 

When you think about it, all business activity comes down to two simple things: Making decisions and executing decisions. Your success depends on your ability to develop speed as a habit in both. I believe that speed, like exercise and eating healthy, can be habitual.

 

 

 

Different requirements

 

I don’t say all decisions should be made quickly. Some decisions are more complicated or critical than others. It might be helpful for you sometimes to wait for more information. Some decisions can’t be easily reversed or would be too damaging if you choose poorly. Most importantly, some decisions don’t need to be made immediately.

Decision making is one of the most important ingredients of success, yet we are not taught this crucial life skill. With small decisions, a mistake is not serious. However, with a major life, career or business decision, the wrong choice can be devastating. A bad decision can cost dearly in terms of money, time or lost opportunity.

 

 

 

What holds us back?

 

We want to make the perfect decision that means we don’t lose out on any front. Truth is the life is not usually like that, and we often have to choose between competing values.

Sometimes we give some decisions much more important than they have. Often it doesn’t matter that much.

We want to have a cast-iron guarantee that it will all work out for the best. Unfortunately, life is fundamentally uncertain, and we can never be sure it will.

 

 

 

What might help? 9 Tips for better decision-making

 

 

1. Know the mechanisms

 

Understanding that the problem is the human condition, so we can never have everything we want or know in advance how things will work out.

 

 

 

2. Good is good

 

Aiming for good enough rather than perfect.

 

 

 

3. Know your values

 

Find out what values are at stake.

 

 

 

4. Explore the scenarios

 

Work out the likely consequences of each option.

 

 

 

5. How about your gut feeling?

 

Ask yourself what gut feelings are around and whether they are telling us something important or misleading us.

 

 

 

6. Have a plan

 

Have a plan. If we conclude what we should do, but are still leaning in the opposite direction to some extent, how can we help ourselves to stick to our decision?

 

 

 

7. Priorities

 

Don’t spend too much time on unimportant decisions. Luckily, most of the decisions we make are not irrevocable nor life-threatening. We can change our minds if it turns out that we were wrong.

 

 

 

8. Stay with your decision

 

It is usually better not to revisit a decision unless circumstances change. Once you’ve gathered the information you need, weigh the pros and cons and conclude. The more you ruminate, the greater the chance that you will second guess yourself.

Once a decision is irreversible, you better not dwell too much on whether it was the right thing to do or not. We will never know everything and can’t do anything about it now, so the time spent on this kind of postmortem would probably be better spent doing something else.

 

 

 

9. Get help

 

Discuss your decision-making with others to make up your mind. Professional help will support you in the best way.

Decision-making coaching

 

Decision coaching is a specialized type of coaching. A professional coach with experience in that field combines the skills and techniques obtained from coaching individuals and organizations together with a knowledge and understanding of decision-making principles, decision tools, and best practices. As a result, a decision coach can successfully guide clients through an important or difficult life, career and business decisions.

I help clients become clear about their values and how they impact the decision. With coaching, I help my client set the criteria for a successful decision and develop and evaluate options. Together we organize the decision process into specific steps and I help my client work through each step avoiding common decision traps. I offer specific decision-making tools and resources to help my client analyze the issues involved, assess risk, evaluate available options and make a wise decision.

As a coach, I have to understand you, your values, long term goals, wants and needs. I have to see you as a real person and, at the same time, see you more objectively than you see yourself. That was I will help you to understand what you want out of your life. I will not decide for you. I act as a skilled guide, consultant and adviser to help you arrive at your decision, but ultimately the decision should be and needs to be made by you.

Coaching for decisions

 

Decisions have to be made over and over again - small and large. Some are easy, some are difficult. We make many of these decisions without having to think much about them or even completely unconsciously, automatically. But now and then we come to the point where we encounter a decision where we pause, don't know what to do, don't see clearly. Often these are decisions of great importance that also have the ability to question important aspects of life that were previously considered given or untouchable. Such a situation can create pressure and even lead to paralysis, so that creative and constructive ways remain unconsidered.

Who sees clearly, can decide better and act purposefully. In order for this to succeed, it is necessary to ensure that the options are identified and, if necessary, increased and priorities clarified. Decision coaching helps to oversee the forest for the trees and to find the right focus. The best decision and creativity techniques can be used most effectively in a good mental state.

In order to make your decision easier, to be supported by me, I focus on transparency. On these pages you will find information about me (Karsten Noack) and the fees.

Just ask me personally

 

Let's get into a conversation. I'd love to hear from you. Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. If you are interested in coaching or training, for personal questions about that and appointments you can reach me by e-mail mail@karstennoack.com, phone +49(0)30 864 213 68, and mobile phone +49(0)1577 704 53 56. You can also use this contact form. Please read the information about the privacy policy.

Answers to frequently asked questions can already be found on the homepage, such as the pricing.

I have read and accept the privacy policy.

11 + 2 =

Remarks:

In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.

P.S.

 

How about your decision-making?

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 21, 2009
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 4, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#232

Here is how to beat procrastination

Here Is How To Beat Procrastination

Why not just do it? Why do we procrastinate and how can we change this?
Here Is How To Beat Procrastination

Procrastination

 

Do you procrastinate? How about a few ideas to …? Here are some recommendations to avoid procrastination.

Are you a procrastinator?

 

You would be surprised how many people around the world can lay claim to being a procrastinator – after all, don’t millions of people put off doing something until later on. While it is normal for people to procrastinate to some degree, it becomes a problem when it impedes normal functioning.

So what is it that you should be doing right now? Maybe writing your thesis or business plan? Doing some work on the computer, cleaning up? More often than not, we tend to occupy ourselves with other things than what we should really be doing. We procrastinate. But why not just do it? Why do we procrastinate and how can we change this?

 

 

 

We are all procrastinator

 

Let’s face it: we all procrastinate at times. The key is to not let it become a restricting habit.

It is true; some people like the thrill that they get from procrastinating, that addictive rush of excitement that comes for only just meeting the deadline in time. The more aversive a task is to us, the more we’ll resist it, and the more likely we are to procrastinate. The more negative emotions we show toward a certain task, the more likely we are to procrastinate,

Others have found that by procrastinating, they can blame their poor results on a lack of time. This is used as self-protection against failure.

 

 

 

Here is how to beat procrastination

 

How to avoid procrastination? Does that sound like to procrastinate procrastination? Why not? Here are some recommendations to avoid procrastination:

 

 

 

1. Do the most important and/or the toughest job first

 

Start with the most important or the toughest job where you get the most out of it. Many people tend to start with easier unimportant minor tasks. With tough tasks, this sometimes leads to a kind of mental block and negative feelings related to the job. That is one of the main reasons why people procrastinate. They put off facing the tough tasks thinking it might miraculously disappear. But once you have finished the toughest job, you’ll feel relieved and only have little easy tasks to do.

 

 

2. Set a date and time frame

 

Experience shows that any task will fill the time frame allotted to it. A concept called Parkinson’s Law explains this well: Work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion. That is why it is so important to set a date to do it and a time frame in which to complete the task.

 

 

3. Start

 

You’ll feel relieved and most likely satisfied with accomplishing something.

 

 

4. Be aware

 

A good way to begin the quest for identifying the problems provoking procrastination in your life is to carry a small notebook with you. When something doesn’t get done as scheduled, take a moment to write down the reason in your notebook. This will help you to improve your time management skills.

 

 

5. Concentrate

 

Focus your undivided attention on one task at a time.

 

 

6. Plan in steps

 

When it comes to starting a task or project, people tend to procrastinate if they lack either a clear starting point or a logical sequence of steps to take. Map out a quick outline of what it will take and how much time is involved. Divide large tasks into smaller, manageable projects, step by step.

 

 

7. Know the priorities

 

To know what is important or urgent is easier to decide when you have the bigger picture in mind. What is your motivation?

 

 

8. Good decision-making

 

Procrastination becomes less likely on tasks that we openly and freely choose to undertake. If you are a naturally focused and driven person then you may not need these suggestions. The better you know your goals and what you want, the easier things can be for you.

Just ask me personally

 

Let's get into a conversation. Please post any questions that may be interesting for other readers in the comments. If you are interested in coaching or training, for personal questions about that and appointments you can reach me best by e-mail (mail@karstennoack.com), phone +49(0)30 864 213 68, and mobile phone +49(0)1577 704 53 56.

Please read the information about the privacy policy.

P.S.

 

How do you beat procrastination?

This article is a short excerpt from the more comprehensive course materials my clients receive in a group or individual training or coaching.

Published: June 21, 2001
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: February 4, 2020
Translation: ./.
German version:
K:
H:
T: RR
#145

error: Content is protected !!