How you doin'? Talking about diseasesPut your phrases away. We need good conversation.
How you doin’? Talking about diseases.
The question “How are you?” is a constant one. Very few people answer it as a serious question. If, however, it is answered too personally, it overwhelms those who only ask out of habit or politeness. So, what do we do when we learn that a person we are talking to has a serious disease?
The question “How’s you doin’?” polarizes. Some people dislike it because they think it is not meant seriously. Others consider it a harmless phrase, which should be met with a friendly phrase. Very few people take it as a serious question. If the answer is too personal, it will overwhelm those who only ask out of habit or politeness, especially if there is no close relationship with the interviewer.
Some people interpret the question “How’s it going?” as an invitation to report on the current state of health in astonishing depth.
Whoever asks should not be surprised if there is an honest answer, right?
What should we do if our colleague gives us such detailed descriptions of his headaches that we want to take painkillers ourselves? What if we meet the next-door-neighbor in the supermarket and hear about her cancer diagnosis instead of “Everything’s great!”.
It is questionable whether the saying ” Shared suffering, half suffering”, which is often heard in Germany, can withstand a statistically tenable investigation. Thus, the context and the relationship of those involved are very important.
Anyone who constantly complains about every little bit of trouble does neither himself nor his environment any favors. This damages one’s reputation and does not exactly make other people seek closeness. Such people are soon no longer taken seriously when the depression turns out to be a mild melancholy and the occasional headache is always decorated as a migraine of the century.
Talking too often about illness is not so good for the soul and overall condition. The constant focus on problems restricts perception, thinking, and action, and additionally lowers the quality of life. This makes you even more unhappy! Too much focus on illnesses is terrible, but not to talk about it at all is not a solution.
A trustful talk about suffering is something that can be very liberating. That is then also a proof of trust, an indication of the importance of the relationship between people. But this is best done in a private setting.
When a person asks another person in everyday life “How are you?”, it is usually just a polite phrase. That’s why I don’t like this question very much.
It seems particularly frequent and superficial to me in the USA, where “How are you?” or “How you doin’?” can be heard as often as “Hello!”. I understand the function. To meet each other in such a positive way makes living together easier. A friendly atmosphere is created. Nevertheless, it always seems a little strange to me. I think it’s better if we mean what we say. Admittedly, a “How’s it going?” often comes out automatically. Many people are not aware of the meaning of these words. That’s why I work with my clients on their presence. This requires to means what is said.
If you ask, you should expect to get an honest answer. If you can’t handle it, you shouldn’t even ask. However, if you ask, you may also accept the reaction.
How do we respond appropriately to unpleasant revelations? What reactions and words are appropriate – and when should we be silent? Hardly anyone is prepared for this. That is why such a situation usually catches us by surprise.
It helps to have a good sense of whether further inquiries are desired. It is good to show true compassion, but no one has anything to gain from it if the sick person has to comfort his or her interlocutors. “Cheer up”, “You can do it” or the demand of a promise to become completely healthy again is rarely helpful and can be perceived as an imposition, especially in the case of life-threatening illnesses. Such behavior is just as unhelpful as well-meant advice or exaggerated attempts at encouragement. Often the best reaction: listen, listen honestly! Otherwise, it helps to ask what expectations there are.
While well-trained therapists have learned to take care of themselves and their minds, this is not a matter of course. Take good care of yourself. You may also speak respectfully if something gets too close to you. There are situations for which there are no ready-made solutions.
Communication can be very easy. But often it is not. Sometimes we say things and then later notice from the reaction of our conversation partners that they seem to have spoken to someone completely different. I didn't say that with the best will in the world. - Or did I say that after all?
More or less consciously, conversations are about convincing other people of something - be it a special offer, your personality, a perspective, or a necessity. If this doesn't happen fast enough and above all not exactly to the point and descriptively, the person we are talking to quickly loses interest, and we lose the hoped-for opportunity. — Conversation failed.
You can let me support you in the preparation of your conversations and negotiations (to be on the safe side: no legal advice!). Find out how you and your message are perceived (arguments, body language, language, voice, and much more). I will familiarize you with effective tools and communication strategies. Develop your psychological skills, learn to stay calm, act confidently, remain authentic, and finally convince.
Please post any questions that may interest other readers in the comments. Are you looking for professional support?
Transparency is important. Therefore, you will find answers to frequently asked questions already here, for example about me (profile), the services, the fees, and getting to know me. If this suits you, I look forward to working with you.
In the address bar of your browser, the URL should begin with "https://www.karstennoack.com/...". This indicates a secure connection (SSL). Whether you enter your real name is up to you.
Even if we provide a message with the appropriately deserved chance, it is not always communicated fairly. Then the best techniques and immense preparation help you only to a limited extent. Some hair can be found in every soup (German figure of speech), or conjured into it. What to do?
Persuading without arguments, assertiveness, winning without consideration, knockout by nasty tricks, black magic, manipulating. It is a coveted feeling to be right.
The five-finger speech structure step by step. Systematically build up statements, whether for speeches, presentations, or discussions.
There are many strategies to consider in opening your pitch. Think about it twice, because those first minutes can make or break you.
This article deals with what it is worth paying attention to as a speaker concerning facial expressions.
People make mistakes and can learn from them. With narcissists this is unlikely. Even to harmless and cautious feedback, narcissists respond as if it were harsh inappropriate criticism.
Assertiveness is based on persuasiveness. What needs to be convincing is inseparably linked to the person who wants to realize his or her intentions. In addition to the quality and attractiveness of the offer, a convincing presentation is also important. The way in which we are perceived has a great impact on our assertiveness and is a major factor in determining whether we gain trust and support or whether we encounter resistance. This not only applies in the professional context, but also in the private sphere.
Where to put your hands in conversations and during presentations? Just put your hands in your trouser pockets and the problem is solved. Many inexperienced speakers think this is quite a good idea. I (and most of the audience) don’t think it’s so good. Why? This question will be answered.
Does everyone have to say something about everything? In my opinion, the most important rule of rhetoric and good communication style is that those who have nothing to say should shut up.
Tongue breakers are used to train dedicated speakers for speaking, articulation, and concentration.
We all need to know that we’re important in other people’s lives. We need to be noticed and valued — in private and business life. Why do I believe that it is so important to show appreciation? Because…
Better smart goals than unfulfilled wishes. Well defined goals for better self-management, more effective meetings, negotiations,… Life is much easier when agreements with ourselves and others are made more clearly and realistically.