Dealing with Difficult People at Work: A Leadership Perspective

When One Relationship Starts Taking Over Your Working Day

A meeting ends with an apparent agreement. Two days later, the decision is questioned, responsibilities have shifted, and you are explaining the same issue again.

Or a highly capable employee delivers excellent results while making cooperation increasingly difficult. Colleagues hesitate to raise concerns. You spend more time managing reactions than moving the work forward.

For leaders, these situations raise a practical question:

How do you address the behavior while protecting the work, the relationship, and your ability to lead?

A useful starting point is to make the situation specific.

1. Describe What Actually Happens

“Difficult” can mean many things: direct, demanding, unpredictable, dismissive, or persistently unreliable. Each calls for a different response.

Choose a recent example and describe it in terms another person could understand:

• What was agreed?
• What happened?
• What was said?
• What effect did it have on the work?
• What remains open to interpretation?

For example:

“We agreed to review the proposal together before sending it. It was sent to the client beforehand, including a delivery date that operations had yet to confirm.”

That description gives you a concrete issue to address: the approval process and the commitment made to the client.

2. Check the Conditions Around the Conflict

Some difficulties grow from unclear roles, competing objectives, or pressure on resources.

Two directors may each believe they have final authority. A project lead may carry responsibility for delivery while another person controls staffing. An employee may receive conflicting instructions from different managers.

Before drawing conclusions about personality, examine the working arrangements.

Who decides? Who contributes? Who needs to be consulted? Which priorities take precedence when demands compete?

Clearer responsibilities can resolve part of a conflict. They also make persistent behavior easier to assess.

3. Notice What Happens After You Raise the Issue

The response to a clear, proportionate request provides useful information.

Does the person engage with the example? Can you agree on a practical adjustment? Does their behavior change over time?

Or does the conversation repeatedly move toward your supposed shortcomings, other people’s mistakes, or a new version of the original agreement?

Look across several interactions. Consider the person’s explanation alongside what happens afterward.

Reliable cooperation becomes visible in follow-through.

4. Define the Outcome Before the Conversation

Before a difficult meeting, complete this sentence:

“By the end of this conversation, I want us to have clarified…”

Your answer might concern:

• Who can approve a client commitment.
• Which information must be shared before a decision.
• How responsibilities will be divided.
• What behavior needs to change.
• When you will review progress.

A specific outcome helps you keep the conversation focused when emotions rise or the subject shifts.

5. Use Language That Connects Behavior and Business Impact

A useful structure is:

Observation. Consequence. Request. Agreement.

For example:

“The proposal reached the client before our joint review. It included a delivery date that operations had yet to confirm. For future proposals, I want us to complete the commercial and operational review before sending. Let’s agree on who signs off and how we handle urgent requests.”

Adapt the wording to your authority and relationship with the person.

With a fellow director, the discussion may concern shared governance. With an employee, it may concern a clear management expectation. With a client, it may involve negotiating workable conditions.

6. Prepare for Pressure

Preparation includes deciding how you will respond if the conversation becomes personal, circular, or heated.

You can acknowledge a concern and return to the business issue:

“I hear that you want faster decisions. Let’s agree on a process that gives us speed and a reliable review.”

You can separate subjects:

“Your feedback about my communication deserves its own discussion. First, let’s settle responsibility for the client commitment.”

You can also pause:

“This decision needs a considered response. I’ll review the information and come back to you tomorrow.”

Choose language you can deliver calmly and stand behind afterward.

7. Create a Shared Record and Review What Changes

After an important discussion, summarize the outcome briefly:

• The decision.
• The person responsible.
• The deadline.
• Any open questions.
• The review date.

Invite corrections where your understanding differs.

Then observe what changes in practice. A productive conversation gains value through the behavior that follows it.

Keep written records factual, relevant, and consistent with your organization’s information-handling requirements.

When the Business Stakes Are High

A difficult relationship deserves closer strategic attention when it affects ownership, leadership authority, major customers, key expertise, or significant commitments.

At that point, communication preparation becomes part of a wider decision:

What working relationship is viable? Which dependencies matter? What needs to change? Which options can you realistically implement?

Where you observe recurring narcissistic or manipulative behavior, focus on specific conduct and its consequences. Those observations provide a sounder basis for business decisions than assumptions about someone’s personality.

An Independent Perspective for Your Next Step

I support business owners, managing directors, and senior leaders through confidential one-to-one executive sparring.

We can examine the situation, challenge assumptions, assess your options, and prepare the conversation ahead. My work brings together management experience, communication expertise, and psychological insight.

For a specific meeting, explore Important Conversations & Negotiations.

For a situation that unfolds across several decisions, explore Executive Sparring.

Sessions are available in Berlin, online, and by phone. Current fees and booking information appear on the Pricing page.

To discuss your situation, use the form below or contact me. Briefly describe your role, the professional challenge, and any relevant deadline.

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Published: June 21, 2001
Author: Karsten Noack
Revision: August 27th, 2026
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German version: https://www.karstennoack.de/coaching-business-berlin/
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